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The Figurative Death of Ivashin (Life Update, New Account)
10 years ago
TL;DR: Ivashin doesn't fit me anymore, and as such, I'm now 
. If you follow, throw Silus a shout!
In 2013, things were great. I felt like Ivashin: confident and on top. But the end of 2013 marked a disconnect I had begun having with the character. You see, Ivashin always has been a character first and a mask (fursona) second. There were obvious differences. Ivashin had different interests, different experiences, different everything, all in my attempt to have a character to roleplay as. But he was the first character that I invested a bit of myself in, and as he grew in popularity, I started accepting him as an identity.
But in 2013, my income became unstable. I messed up with my ex. I was losing my self confidence as I struggled to keep my independence. 2014 saw ups, but mostly downs. I was hired in a three-week contract-to-hire that didn't pan out. I was interviewing for a dream job, thought I did amazing in the interviews, but was denied. I had my entire professional experience and education mocked in another interview, and nothing else panned out. The man behind Ivashin was emotionally defeated.
I ended up living with my parents. Thankfully I had a place to go, but I was a closest gay man in a hostile environment, a "dom" with no self confidence.
The end of 2014 changed things. Through the support of family, friends, and my mate, I got through everything and was hired in the Bay Area. I had to move, and so I found myself alone and still feeling worthless, but at least I was independent.
In 2015, things improved, but I was definitely still hurt. I lacked confidence, but I had a promise ring from my mate. I was depressed though, and couldn't pull myself out of it. It took a toll on things, too. I lost someone important to me. I've tried not to let it get to me, because I had failed and he's better off, but yeah....
Things have been steadily improving the past year though. I'm starting to get shit together and find my old self, but I'm not sure the man behind Ivashin exists anymore.
It's not just what happened in life, either. I've been thinking about switching since 2013, and those closest to me knew I was a lion. I designed him last year with the help from the amazing otter artist
and slowly, I've switch from Ivashin to Silus. I did so on F-list first and have been primarily the lion for a year now. Still, I didn't switch on FA or Twitter, and I'm not sure why. Only recently, now that I'm financially secure again, have I been getting commissions.
Why a lion? I strive to be a calm, collected individual, and I'm a laid-back, reclusive kind of guy. A lion just fits my personality so much more than a dog ever would. In some ways, it also fits my changed world-view too. I'm still a dom. Still a top. But I've got scars now, and I've had to fight to get to where I'm at now: on top.
New art will be posted on as well as never-before-submitted art of Ivashin. Did you know that I've got 
art? :P
Please follow.
. If you follow, throw Silus a shout!In 2013, things were great. I felt like Ivashin: confident and on top. But the end of 2013 marked a disconnect I had begun having with the character. You see, Ivashin always has been a character first and a mask (fursona) second. There were obvious differences. Ivashin had different interests, different experiences, different everything, all in my attempt to have a character to roleplay as. But he was the first character that I invested a bit of myself in, and as he grew in popularity, I started accepting him as an identity.
But in 2013, my income became unstable. I messed up with my ex. I was losing my self confidence as I struggled to keep my independence. 2014 saw ups, but mostly downs. I was hired in a three-week contract-to-hire that didn't pan out. I was interviewing for a dream job, thought I did amazing in the interviews, but was denied. I had my entire professional experience and education mocked in another interview, and nothing else panned out. The man behind Ivashin was emotionally defeated.
I ended up living with my parents. Thankfully I had a place to go, but I was a closest gay man in a hostile environment, a "dom" with no self confidence.
The end of 2014 changed things. Through the support of family, friends, and my mate, I got through everything and was hired in the Bay Area. I had to move, and so I found myself alone and still feeling worthless, but at least I was independent.
In 2015, things improved, but I was definitely still hurt. I lacked confidence, but I had a promise ring from my mate. I was depressed though, and couldn't pull myself out of it. It took a toll on things, too. I lost someone important to me. I've tried not to let it get to me, because I had failed and he's better off, but yeah....
Things have been steadily improving the past year though. I'm starting to get shit together and find my old self, but I'm not sure the man behind Ivashin exists anymore.
It's not just what happened in life, either. I've been thinking about switching since 2013, and those closest to me knew I was a lion. I designed him last year with the help from the amazing otter artist
and slowly, I've switch from Ivashin to Silus. I did so on F-list first and have been primarily the lion for a year now. Still, I didn't switch on FA or Twitter, and I'm not sure why. Only recently, now that I'm financially secure again, have I been getting commissions.Why a lion? I strive to be a calm, collected individual, and I'm a laid-back, reclusive kind of guy. A lion just fits my personality so much more than a dog ever would. In some ways, it also fits my changed world-view too. I'm still a dom. Still a top. But I've got scars now, and I've had to fight to get to where I'm at now: on top.
New art will be posted on
as well as never-before-submitted art of Ivashin. Did you know that I've got 
art? :PPlease follow.
I appreciate who you've been in my life all the more, reading this! I'm looking forward to seeing who you become in the next couple of years!