So, I've been thinking quite a bit recently and with the help of a few people I've really begun to think about friendships and where I stand in them. I know I've question them in the past and I'm not the greatest friend someone could ask for but I've had a troubled past and still troubled present. I've really been working on making things better for myself and part of that is standing up for what I think is right and fixing what I think is wrong. What I think is wrong is the unbalanced relationships I have with others. For a lot of people It seems like I always have to be the one who messages them, invites them to do something, or initiates any kind of interaction. While that isn't true for a few people I know it is for everyone else. I don't feel it's fair for me to invite people to do things or let them know that I'm in town to do things when almost no one else does the same. I ask, why? Why is it that you don't tell me you're in town or that there are fun things going on that I would like to be apart of?

I try my best to invite people or let them know something is happening so that we could get together and have fun but it's rare that someone does the same for me. If you get upset from this then that's your problem because I don't think it's fair that I put in the effort that I do when I do but it's hardly returned, especially among those who say they're my friend. If you don't want to be friends and just want to be acquaintances or less? Just say so and I'll remember that. All that means is that I know who really wants to be there as my friend and is willing to make the effort. There are plenty of ways to make time to visit other people. I understand that people get busy and have lives but when you're out and in the same area or are wanting to visit friends and you can't bother yourself for two minutes to tell me? I don't want you saying you're my friend because while I may know you, being like that doesn't make a friendship because that's a two way street.

As I said before I know I'm not the greatest friend and I have my own faults but I deserve better than that and you can say what you want but it won't change anything. I don't say all of these things to get attention or any crap like that so if that's what you're thinking if you're even bothering to read all of this then that gives me my answer right there. If you are one of those people then please tell me now so I know.

TLDR: Put effort into friendship with me or tell me otherwise. If you get mad or don't like it, that's your problem and I'll know from that