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On Recent Events: Is it Wrong for a Victim to Forgive?
11 years ago
Domestic abuse
Just the name brings horrible thoughts to mind. It's definitely one of the hot button issues of our times. The idea that a trusted loved one would hurt the person they claim to love is gut wrenching. Even worse is when the victim gets blamed for the very abuse that is inflicted upon them!
The only way I could see a victim of domestic abuse being at fault would be if they slipped some sort of heavy psychedelic into their partner's food and they then attacked them because they thought they were a mutant spider from Mars!
In all seriousness, all couples fight. But physical abuse seems to cross a line within our consciousness. At least in most cultures it does. It's horrible what these victims have to endure and they should be given all the support they need.
But what if the victim does something unexpected? What if the victim actually forgives their aggressor? In our age of justice-hungry keyboard warriors, how are we to react to such a development?
In the domestic abuse case between Baltimore Ravens player Ray Rice and his wife Janay Palmer, that reaction seems to be to yet again, blame the victim. Or to at least belittle her and claim that she doesn't know any better and that she's been manipulated into forgiving her abuser, to treat her like a child.
I'm not naive. I know that abusers are pretty manipulative people, and I know that people who abuse their partners are very likely to do it again. I'm also aware, as I said above, that abused people can be tricked into thinking it's their fault. But this is a special case. Janay Palmer has stated that she knows it was her aggressor's fault, but that she forgives him anyway.
In fact, Palmer has stated that she feels that the media's reaction to her abuse, which she claims was a one time event, has caused her more misery and unhappiness than anything her husband did to her. After Ray Rice was suspended by the NFL, she mourned over the loss of his career. She lashed out at people portraying her husband as a monster. She was bombarded by countless media outlets demanding interviews and opinions. Trying to force her to lay bare her personal life for the world to gawk at. She has stated that they both regret what happened and that they are moving on from it as a couple (for better or for worse), but the media just won't let it go.
People's reaction to this?
"She doesn't know any better"
"Spoken like a true victim"
"I feel so sorry for her, blaming everyone but the man who did it to her"
"poor thing"
While it's true what happened to her was sad, why is it that when she stands up, forgives her abuser and asks the media to leave them alone, does the media and everyone else begin to treat her like a child?
While I personally wouldn't continue an abusive relationship once it crosses into physical violence, I feel we must respect the decisions of a person who does, regardless of how we feel about it. Who knows? Maybe this really was a one-time thing. Maybe they really will move on as a couple and there will be no more instances of violence.
But I ask everyone. How can they even attempt to leave it behind them and move on with their marriage if everyone and their grandma is determined to drag them back and force them to relive the darkest moment of their relationship again and again, simply for ratings?
She's an independent woman who can make her own choices in life. She's not a child. I'll just leave it at that.
(P.S.: Would the NFL have suspended Ray Rice if he had hit another man? Food for thought!)
Just the name brings horrible thoughts to mind. It's definitely one of the hot button issues of our times. The idea that a trusted loved one would hurt the person they claim to love is gut wrenching. Even worse is when the victim gets blamed for the very abuse that is inflicted upon them!
The only way I could see a victim of domestic abuse being at fault would be if they slipped some sort of heavy psychedelic into their partner's food and they then attacked them because they thought they were a mutant spider from Mars!
In all seriousness, all couples fight. But physical abuse seems to cross a line within our consciousness. At least in most cultures it does. It's horrible what these victims have to endure and they should be given all the support they need.
But what if the victim does something unexpected? What if the victim actually forgives their aggressor? In our age of justice-hungry keyboard warriors, how are we to react to such a development?
In the domestic abuse case between Baltimore Ravens player Ray Rice and his wife Janay Palmer, that reaction seems to be to yet again, blame the victim. Or to at least belittle her and claim that she doesn't know any better and that she's been manipulated into forgiving her abuser, to treat her like a child.
I'm not naive. I know that abusers are pretty manipulative people, and I know that people who abuse their partners are very likely to do it again. I'm also aware, as I said above, that abused people can be tricked into thinking it's their fault. But this is a special case. Janay Palmer has stated that she knows it was her aggressor's fault, but that she forgives him anyway.
In fact, Palmer has stated that she feels that the media's reaction to her abuse, which she claims was a one time event, has caused her more misery and unhappiness than anything her husband did to her. After Ray Rice was suspended by the NFL, she mourned over the loss of his career. She lashed out at people portraying her husband as a monster. She was bombarded by countless media outlets demanding interviews and opinions. Trying to force her to lay bare her personal life for the world to gawk at. She has stated that they both regret what happened and that they are moving on from it as a couple (for better or for worse), but the media just won't let it go.
People's reaction to this?
"She doesn't know any better"
"Spoken like a true victim"
"I feel so sorry for her, blaming everyone but the man who did it to her"
"poor thing"
While it's true what happened to her was sad, why is it that when she stands up, forgives her abuser and asks the media to leave them alone, does the media and everyone else begin to treat her like a child?
While I personally wouldn't continue an abusive relationship once it crosses into physical violence, I feel we must respect the decisions of a person who does, regardless of how we feel about it. Who knows? Maybe this really was a one-time thing. Maybe they really will move on as a couple and there will be no more instances of violence.
But I ask everyone. How can they even attempt to leave it behind them and move on with their marriage if everyone and their grandma is determined to drag them back and force them to relive the darkest moment of their relationship again and again, simply for ratings?
She's an independent woman who can make her own choices in life. She's not a child. I'll just leave it at that.
(P.S.: Would the NFL have suspended Ray Rice if he had hit another man? Food for thought!)
