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What's up with me?
11 years ago
Random bleating ahead!
aka why u no arting?! ლ(ಠ益ಠლ
okay so here's the situation:
about a month ago i was taken to the ER because my heart decided to skip beats over and over and over again not calming down. Scary thing.
What was i doing when it happened? nothing. sitting in front of my computer doing stuff.
They did some tests, took blood twice, made x-rays, gave me an infusion and found nothing but signs of an infection in my blood. So they sent me home with a prescription for antibiotics and told me to rest.
Problem is: now, after taking the antibiotics i feel worse than before. When i wake up everything's fine for a while. when i sit for an hour or so i feel pressure on my chest like someones sitting on it making it hard to breathe. the feeling grows into something similar to the feeling like... when you just ran at full speed and your lungs are just recovering from that ugly burning feeling or the feeling when you got a REALLY bad cold and just had one of those bad coughing fits where everything hurts afterwards. Though I don't do anything but sit.
If I ignore that and continue, my heart starts to really .. like beating really hard in my chest.. not faster but you know when you can feel every single heartbeat and i get the feeling i got right before the skipping started.
so fact is: I haven't been to university in weeks because of that. I haven't been able to draw for more than 30 minutes before feeling sick again. The only thing i CAN do is lie in bed or the sofa to sleep, read (thankfully i got some unread books -.- and lots of university material) or scribble stuff as i can't exaclty just lie on my work table in front of my PC and i don't have one of those fancy cintiq tablets that don't require a screen. :P
I haven't been to any doctor yet because honestly i don't know where to go.
The hospital said my heart was okay and there was nothing in my lungs and that's it.
My doc said it's maybe because the muscles in my back and shoulders are so knotted but didn't do anything about it and i can't afford any massages.
The lung specialist i went to a year ago or so told me everything was fine and that the tight feeling in my chest was from 'hyperventilating'. And he wouldn't hear anything about how i NOT hperventilate. Actually i do the contrary. My breathing is rather slow compared to that of my boyfriend or everyone else i know for example.
So i don't know what to do. I feel like doctors don't take me serious when i say i got breathing problems or pain in my chest. And i can't change that unless something critical happens i guess -_- Even when i was taken to the ER i had the feeling the emergency guys just didn't take me serious.. at 4 AM with empty streets it took them 30 minutes to get to our place. (and about 10 back to the hospital...without rushing)
so yeah, that's how it is right now.
I can't change it. I don't know how to change it.
I'm trying to get appointments with various doctors, DIFFERENT ones from the last and hope they take me serious.
Maybe trying to set up the computer near the bed, but i don't know if that will work. (i got no light there, and no kind of table to put the screen onto...) or maybe down to the sofa using the TV for a Screen but i don't know yet.
I still draw everyday, but completing large digital pieces takes way more time now as i can only do 30 minutes in one go and then need to rest for about an hour depending on how i feel.
I'm very sorry for that.
okay so here's the situation:
about a month ago i was taken to the ER because my heart decided to skip beats over and over and over again not calming down. Scary thing.
What was i doing when it happened? nothing. sitting in front of my computer doing stuff.
They did some tests, took blood twice, made x-rays, gave me an infusion and found nothing but signs of an infection in my blood. So they sent me home with a prescription for antibiotics and told me to rest.
Problem is: now, after taking the antibiotics i feel worse than before. When i wake up everything's fine for a while. when i sit for an hour or so i feel pressure on my chest like someones sitting on it making it hard to breathe. the feeling grows into something similar to the feeling like... when you just ran at full speed and your lungs are just recovering from that ugly burning feeling or the feeling when you got a REALLY bad cold and just had one of those bad coughing fits where everything hurts afterwards. Though I don't do anything but sit.
If I ignore that and continue, my heart starts to really .. like beating really hard in my chest.. not faster but you know when you can feel every single heartbeat and i get the feeling i got right before the skipping started.
so fact is: I haven't been to university in weeks because of that. I haven't been able to draw for more than 30 minutes before feeling sick again. The only thing i CAN do is lie in bed or the sofa to sleep, read (thankfully i got some unread books -.- and lots of university material) or scribble stuff as i can't exaclty just lie on my work table in front of my PC and i don't have one of those fancy cintiq tablets that don't require a screen. :P
I haven't been to any doctor yet because honestly i don't know where to go.
The hospital said my heart was okay and there was nothing in my lungs and that's it.
My doc said it's maybe because the muscles in my back and shoulders are so knotted but didn't do anything about it and i can't afford any massages.
The lung specialist i went to a year ago or so told me everything was fine and that the tight feeling in my chest was from 'hyperventilating'. And he wouldn't hear anything about how i NOT hperventilate. Actually i do the contrary. My breathing is rather slow compared to that of my boyfriend or everyone else i know for example.
So i don't know what to do. I feel like doctors don't take me serious when i say i got breathing problems or pain in my chest. And i can't change that unless something critical happens i guess -_- Even when i was taken to the ER i had the feeling the emergency guys just didn't take me serious.. at 4 AM with empty streets it took them 30 minutes to get to our place. (and about 10 back to the hospital...without rushing)
so yeah, that's how it is right now.
I can't change it. I don't know how to change it.
I'm trying to get appointments with various doctors, DIFFERENT ones from the last and hope they take me serious.
Maybe trying to set up the computer near the bed, but i don't know if that will work. (i got no light there, and no kind of table to put the screen onto...) or maybe down to the sofa using the TV for a Screen but i don't know yet.
I still draw everyday, but completing large digital pieces takes way more time now as i can only do 30 minutes in one go and then need to rest for about an hour depending on how i feel.
I'm very sorry for that.
PRIORITY
Sketchbook
balorkin-30%
On the list:
rangerwolf
dragnaros
khinave
yang738
thefluffyfur
dracostar
daspunk
Trades:
- still sketching.. argh!
Sketchbook
balorkin-30%On the list:
rangerwolf
dragnaros
khinave
yang738
thefluffyfur
dracostar
daspunk Trades:
- still sketching.. argh!
I'm sorry to read that you are in a situation like this, i can only hope for you that some doctors will find the cause of your disease.
Until that, cheer up and try to get better.
and that was aparently okay.
thanks
If a doctor doesn't believe you, its sometimes good to ask for a specialist. They can't really refuse to treat you... after all: you're paying them money, You're their customer, and to try to get out of it, they're not actually providing you with the service that you're paying them for.
On the other hand, however, let's entertain the notion that you do not in fact have a physical condition of any kind, but a mental one.
Let me explain...
I'm 25 years old, and a part from sitting down at my PC for too many hours a day? I'm quite healthy. I'm not overweight, and I'm a vegetarian, my intake of saturated fat etc. is extremely low. My family also has no history of pre-existing heart conditions that could be genetic. All of my known family have all lived to a ripe old age with no other complications than old age stuff, like a a weakened heart(Except my dads father, he died from smoker's lung)
Considering these facts, both helpline nurses, and doctors alike, have told me that my risk of having a heart condition are vanishingly small. So small in fact that any kind of fear I might have towards it is unfounded.
Yet still, on a daily basis? I have pressure in my chest, I feel fatigued, and I have difficulty breathing(aka I can't seem to get that satisfying sensation when I sigh). I will sometimes get pain in my legs below my knees but above my ankles as well, and my heart will feel like it's going faster, and harder than normal.
After taking some written tests and answering some questions, a doctor decided to diagnose me with 'Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder' and 'Cardiac Hypochondria'.
What do those things mean?
They mean that I worry more than what's normal, specifically in terms of health problems, and it's an on-going issue that started during the very mentally traumatic time when my mate and I, after years of being true to one another, broke up for almost a year. Ever since then my childhood occasional hypochondria swelled into the bastion of problems that it is today.
And it's not just my heart, either, it's as if my mind simply NEEDS a far fetched plausible physical condition to focus on in order to function.
If I have a headache with pain behind my eyes? Frontal Lobe Brain Cancer
If I have abdominal pain? Stomach cancer
If I cough a lot? H1N1 or some other disease
If my CROTCH itches? STD(despite only having had sex with 2 pre-checked people in the past 8 years :p)
The moment my mind dispels the fear of something? It conjures up another, and when that one is dispelled? It conjures yet another, and on and on the cycle goes until it comes back around to the heart condition fear, which has twice now sent me to the hospital, in two different countries(one with free health care so the doctors were more trustworthy to me than the american one...Don't look at me like that, I'm a European! It's hard for me to trust American things ._. )
Considering all of this, and this is not me being insensitive, but merely trying to share my experiences in the hopes of finding common ground with your own experiences...Do you not think that perhaps all the medical experts who have now given you a green light, were in fact correct, and your own mind is convincing you of the fact that they're wrong?
Symptoms can be faked, that's a given fact already. Take 5 people with a headache. Give 3 random of them an actual pain killer, and give the remaining two a placebo, but completely identical in appearance, calcium supplement. Repeated tests like this have showed that the people who received placebo pills were fully under the impression that their headaches had been cured, when in fact they never received 'any' medication at all.
If you had 'not' been checked at all? I'd say the odds were quite different, as your symptoms sound so severe that it could ONLY BE a heart condition, 'but', since you have already been checked and given the all clear, on multiple occasions it seems? I'd stop looking at the physical, and have someone look at the psychological instead.
The mind is 'far' more powerful than the body, and it's important to remember that your body, IN ITS ENTIRETY, is fundamentally controlled by your mind; the touch of something smooth? The smell of something tasty? The sound of your favorite song? The sight of your loved one(s)? The sting of a needle pricking your finger? All of these senses, every last one, is controlled and 'read' by your mind. If your mind was incapable of processing this information as intelligible sensation/scent/audio/visuals etc, then you'd be very very numb, and honestly just a shell with a pulse and a mind capable of communication, but unable to do convey it.
I don't know about you, but personally? I hope I'm right :)
Regardless of the actual state of affairs, I hope you feel better soon, whatever your ailment may be, whether it be physical or psychological