hi everyone, I just kinda needed t o vent

I feel like garbage. physically and emotionally. utter trash.

I visisted my great grandma today for her 98th birthday and something crazy happened. She actually recognizewd me. I havent seen her in a few years and that was before i cut all my hair off and dyed it crazy colors. but she actually recognixzed me.

this amazing feeling was quickly offset when my memaw started bragging about how my brhter is in his last year of college and how he is going to be a social worker and i am 'headed no where' with my life.

i alreadh know im a failure at everythign i want to be but it hurts when your family says it about you.
my other brother and his family came over to help put up our christamas tree yesterday and i was already feeling sick but then i had to deal with my sister in law complain about no one ever helping her. and then yell at me about how to take care of a pet that she gabe to us BECAUSE IT WAS TO MUCH WORK TO TRAIN AND IT BIT ONE OF HER KIDS ONE FUCKING TIME.

She takes every shance she gets to yell at me about bullshit stuff.

I sent two of my fursuit heads to get repairs and i haven't gotten any email responces from either maker and its making me really nervous and scared.

with christmas coming up ive been given more hours at work which is grewat beacuse money but it also sucks because i work ina warehouse with no heat and it kills my back and knees (where I have pre-existing injuries) this also gives me less time to draw or do anything that i enjoy.

My anxiety has sky-rocketed and my mother still doesn't believe that anxiety is even a mental illness or that anything is wrong with me which makes it impossible for me to tell her about my hallucinations and other things that are decreasing my mental health.

i've been depressed and angry a lot recently and have no outlet for these felings. so far i havent done anyhing stupid. just cried a lot and hid it from the people that i know will worry .

but i dont know what else to do about any of this. I only have like 4 friends and I dont want to bother them. and im just sitting her crying and texting my baefriend like nothings wrong. and im a mess and i'm sorry.

i probably wont be posting much art right now.

thanks for reading this far if you did. i hope you have a nice day.
I just needed some one to talk to even if it is a few people onbline or evne if no one reads this. i needed to get some stuff out to try and organize my mind again.

I've been playing pokemon alpha sapphire and i traded over my carnivine and have just been playing on amie with him like all night to help mydelf feel better. its been helping some