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i miss it.....maybe too much?
11 years ago
soo thing is, when I first started out as a furry, I was....well I don't really know what I was, then I got into diaperfurs and thought it was kinda cute and stuff, and its kinda evolved and stuffs. well over the years ive come to meet many new people, many of whom, such as 
AzzuenSwiftpaw and many others like 
Shyanne I have come to accept, and be grateful and honored to call my family, but as time goes on, I fine my self meeting many new people still, but, when I introduce these people to my family like azzy, they start to play with them and in turn also somewhat become part of the family, that's not what gets me tho, what DOSE is, I end up finding out that, when they play, the newcomer if you will often gets to enjoy the same small treatments I enjoyed, small "catch me if you can" games and the tiny things like being swatted on a padded rump with a newspaper, at the time seemed so trivial and meaningless, now that I find these "newcomers" are getting this, I find my self missing it much more than I had ever thought in the first place. I mean? really something as small as say, getting your nose swatted for fibbing or getting your rump swatted for running away and shouting "im not adorable" didn't seem to matter back then but now, I miss it like more than anything else in the world, and then, because I miss it so much I end feeling left out or some how neglected.
I don't want to feel neglected, I try to participate, I swear I do! I umm I tried to participate in what baby newyears lure was wearing all day on jan 1, of this new year, ive tried to support some of my older friends with some minor problems they seem to be having, ive gor my self a new mate whos never really yiffy and im cool with that, im not very yiffy my self any more, but at the same time, I know im nto really the same fox I was when I came into the fandom, and I cant help but wonder if I were to step back, and I don't know, try to be llike I was when I started out, would that help me get back those old things that I miss so much?
answer is, a big fat NO! ive tried, I tried everything, even starting my whole fursona back from scratch the end result is an (in my opinion) adorable arctic vixen with snowflakes on her shoulder, back and thigh, and blue eyes with gold and pink specks in her eyes, and I just cant seem to get it all back, I mean, what will it take, to get that back? I have honestly tried everything, even reverting back to old habbits in rps of painiting, mixing herbs, playing instrements, and many other things but nothing seems tog et it back, is a simple small "lil one" or a swat on the rump with a rollded up mag or news paper really too much to ask!?
*sighs* I sometimes just sit in the dark in rp channels I visit all the time, and watch others rp and play, and wish to god and goddess that, when I join in maybe playing with a train set, or maybe just trying to get some cookies down, that I don't have to make something go horribly haray before some one finnaly notices me, IM BLOODY RUNNING OUT OF MINI TRAINS TO BLOW UP PEOPLES! and also, really guys is it really to much to ask just, for 1 day that, I don't have to I guess fight with some one else to get some attention, im tired of getting spanked for making timmy feel bad couse he was hogging my mama! she was mine first afterall and I know it sounds selfish and I wont lie, I feel selfish for doing it I really do, but well what else can I do?
I try every day, and then I don't get noticed, yet llet some one crawl under the sofam and then a care taker drags then out by their tail and starts petting and cooing at them about how sweet and precious they are, well im doing LOF's off the dang second floor balcanys and I still don't get seen, what will it take? I log off for a few days, then come abck and get like 500 pms of "where have you been we missed you" and then I said it was a minor break for stress, theny say oh okay, then I go ina nd say im back and im lucky if I get so much as a wave! guys really, I feel very left out, and I want to join in, I try to join in but some how im always over looked.
I just want my mama to do some minor playing with me like she used too, like shed hold me and say im cute, id say no im not and run off and then shed sniff me out and I don't know, swat my rump or maybe bop my nose and tell me im adorable and she just wants some lil foxi snuggles again, really guys, is it really so much to ask? *sniffles and looks down lowering my ears* I try so hard and never get noticed any more, Im sure, out of all the people who watch me, only maybe 2 or 3 (if that many) will comment on this journal by the end of tomorrow afternoon. and it just goes to show how much I really am over looked....any way, I just want some time with my mama back, that's all. just some time to play with her in the garden like we used to do. is that really so much to ask?
AzzuenSwiftpaw and many others like 
Shyanne I have come to accept, and be grateful and honored to call my family, but as time goes on, I fine my self meeting many new people still, but, when I introduce these people to my family like azzy, they start to play with them and in turn also somewhat become part of the family, that's not what gets me tho, what DOSE is, I end up finding out that, when they play, the newcomer if you will often gets to enjoy the same small treatments I enjoyed, small "catch me if you can" games and the tiny things like being swatted on a padded rump with a newspaper, at the time seemed so trivial and meaningless, now that I find these "newcomers" are getting this, I find my self missing it much more than I had ever thought in the first place. I mean? really something as small as say, getting your nose swatted for fibbing or getting your rump swatted for running away and shouting "im not adorable" didn't seem to matter back then but now, I miss it like more than anything else in the world, and then, because I miss it so much I end feeling left out or some how neglected. I don't want to feel neglected, I try to participate, I swear I do! I umm I tried to participate in what baby newyears lure was wearing all day on jan 1, of this new year, ive tried to support some of my older friends with some minor problems they seem to be having, ive gor my self a new mate whos never really yiffy and im cool with that, im not very yiffy my self any more, but at the same time, I know im nto really the same fox I was when I came into the fandom, and I cant help but wonder if I were to step back, and I don't know, try to be llike I was when I started out, would that help me get back those old things that I miss so much?
answer is, a big fat NO! ive tried, I tried everything, even starting my whole fursona back from scratch the end result is an (in my opinion) adorable arctic vixen with snowflakes on her shoulder, back and thigh, and blue eyes with gold and pink specks in her eyes, and I just cant seem to get it all back, I mean, what will it take, to get that back? I have honestly tried everything, even reverting back to old habbits in rps of painiting, mixing herbs, playing instrements, and many other things but nothing seems tog et it back, is a simple small "lil one" or a swat on the rump with a rollded up mag or news paper really too much to ask!?
*sighs* I sometimes just sit in the dark in rp channels I visit all the time, and watch others rp and play, and wish to god and goddess that, when I join in maybe playing with a train set, or maybe just trying to get some cookies down, that I don't have to make something go horribly haray before some one finnaly notices me, IM BLOODY RUNNING OUT OF MINI TRAINS TO BLOW UP PEOPLES! and also, really guys is it really to much to ask just, for 1 day that, I don't have to I guess fight with some one else to get some attention, im tired of getting spanked for making timmy feel bad couse he was hogging my mama! she was mine first afterall and I know it sounds selfish and I wont lie, I feel selfish for doing it I really do, but well what else can I do?
I try every day, and then I don't get noticed, yet llet some one crawl under the sofam and then a care taker drags then out by their tail and starts petting and cooing at them about how sweet and precious they are, well im doing LOF's off the dang second floor balcanys and I still don't get seen, what will it take? I log off for a few days, then come abck and get like 500 pms of "where have you been we missed you" and then I said it was a minor break for stress, theny say oh okay, then I go ina nd say im back and im lucky if I get so much as a wave! guys really, I feel very left out, and I want to join in, I try to join in but some how im always over looked.
I just want my mama to do some minor playing with me like she used too, like shed hold me and say im cute, id say no im not and run off and then shed sniff me out and I don't know, swat my rump or maybe bop my nose and tell me im adorable and she just wants some lil foxi snuggles again, really guys, is it really so much to ask? *sniffles and looks down lowering my ears* I try so hard and never get noticed any more, Im sure, out of all the people who watch me, only maybe 2 or 3 (if that many) will comment on this journal by the end of tomorrow afternoon. and it just goes to show how much I really am over looked....any way, I just want some time with my mama back, that's all. just some time to play with her in the garden like we used to do. is that really so much to ask?
Truth be told, a lot is happening in my life, and I'm doing the best I can be happy for everyone else, and to take care of everyone I can. I hardly ever see you active in the chat, so I assume you are off doing other things while I take care of the other cubs. As much as I wish I could be, I can't be there for everyone all the time. Still, if you're sad, you can always come bug me, and I'll do everything in my power to help, even if it's only hugs.