It's been rough and interesting year so far. Only 16
days in but a lot has happened. Don't get me wrong there has been all
sorts of good stuff too. My 4 loving mate's would agree I hope.
Yes I said 4. We will talk about that latter tho.

I've overall probably hit a bad spot in my depression.
Yus good things have happened amounts the overall sadness.
Why am I so sad. Upset. Etc well for a few reasons.

But in truth when you have had depression like I have for as long
as I have. Really anything can set you off when in a low.
My moods change fast and without warning. This is
highly troublesome as again I'm sure my loving mate's
would agree upon. Working on it tho. I have lots of love and support

I love my boyfriend's emensily. They mean everything to me.
As I'm sure I do to them. So I'm working on healing and getting it
to where my depression mad anxiety is controllable

Ok so there's that now for darker stuff. Mostly weight related
so recently I lernt something about some of my anti depresents
That being that two of them have greatly decreased my appetite.
This isn't so good as I've gone sometimes a week or two without
eating. Resulting in extreme weight loss. So I got to eat even if I'm not hungry
I'm sure this has also somehow contributed to my low mood.
As before food was my only comfort. Well no longer so I in theory
Should be able to eat properly. Course I could go off the meds
But they have been helpful. Overall I can do this I'm sure.
With all the love I'm now receiving and the support.

So obviously a lot has been said. So let's move on.
Characters. You most likely would of noticed that I changed
My main Sona that represents me. Also probably noticed my second account
Yes Rain is a cub and babyfur. Yus I've given him an adult self as well.
Sparkler and Gabriel both hold special places in my heart. I could never part with
Them which reminds me I owe someone a bit of play time with
Sparkler lol no I haven't forgotten sweetheart. I don't do much with Gabriel
But he will get drawn soon and get a ref sheet within the year.
As will Rain. Well Rain will get a few. So between these three there is
A lot to do. However I have many many many more characters.

Heh If you have read thru this all I got to say thanks. And please
If you do read it all then comment below it would mean a lot to me
If my boyfriend's did at the lest. Giggles- ok

Ok so back on track. Rain is mainly a cub for self personal
Reasons. That being said I don't take bull from anyone.
Don't mess with me you will just get badly burned.
Beside my lovely family don't take nice to the baby getting hurt like
That.ok warning aside. I'm not ashamed of myself. Ok well not this part
Not anymore. Yes I'm who I am. One you will not see any messy diapers
I am not into that just no. You do not even think of putting Rain in one
Oh a no sissy stuff just no. Can't stand frilly pink. I like pink but I will
Never wear all pink just no and never frilly. Ok maybe in private for a certain mate
That's still not a yus sweetie. I'm still thinking it over.
Rain is my represent he is me and I am him.
Thus he has my likes and dislikes. My personality my sensitivity and so on
He is me. I love him and creating him was a good desion.

So if you want to use Rain or any others that's fine but ask me
What I'm ok with before hand thanks.
Moving on

Ok so once again Im going to talk about story. This is taking
A unexpected turn and I still have writers block. Since last may.
Um also switching to digital and may open for cheap commissions
If I get good. So much to do still. So many idea's. Oh note
My four loving boyfriends take priorities over all else.

Finally. Just Cuse I'm a submissive femboy (baby fur). Dose not mean
You can push me around and use and abuse me. My limitations are low
Compared to others and like hell am I going to be considerd nothing but
An object for a so called surpior. I believe in equality.

I kinda have been having a rough time around the fact I'm so submissive
Just as I don't want to be considerd as lesser then anyone else.
Specialy with my mate's. I don't doubt their love for me at all.
Regardless if my anxiety sometimes screams otherwise.
I have fears. I'm a living being after all. And I have a lot
Of fears including ending up as a object for another including my
Mate's. I don't know why I do things but I will always love each of
My boyfriends unconditionaly and as equals.

So I'm getting to the bottom of my depression and it's fear.
My biggest fear is of myself. Of who I am and was. Of things I've done
And my likes and dislikes. My limitations my weaknesses. Not being accepted by my
Boyfriends. Not being accepted by my real life father. -Crys-
That because I'm so emotional and sensitivite that I can not be loved
And accepted. I know my mate's do however it doesn't stop my fear.
I think it will only stop when I can have pyshical comfort from them.
I am not a sex slave. I am a living being and not an object. Yes I'm a pet to
One of my mate's and a "slave" to another one. But they don't treat me any less
I enjoy being with them. I love them and they love me. I could not ask for more accepting
And loving and caring boyfriends. We all have kinks. I have a lot. But overall I'm not lesser
To my mate's just as they arnt to me. We are equals. We make up for what the
Other lacks. I have no doubt I'm the weakest in many ways but this doesn't
Make me a insupioror. My love's wish to help me. They love me for who I am.
And if all of them coment I will be a very happy Cabox cub. If not I'm still happy.
I've got a long road ahead and I'm extremely grateful I'm not alone anymore.

Life is crazy and filled with billions of ups and downs. Twists mad turns
What ifs ans such but overall. I'm happy I'm alive I'm happy and grateful I'm
Loved. Yes I have four boyfriends but love is always going to be love.
Today's society has been trying to control us for too long
I for one won't let them control me.

That's pretty much it lol and I feel better after writing that all out

Sincerely Rain the pawsome Cabox cub ~