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When I First Joined this Fandom
10 years ago
I can’t sleep so my next best idea was to write. I’ve just been thinking of the amount of years I’ve been in the fandom but also the experiences along the way.
When I went to my first con (granted I went to local meets since I was 16) it was the most exciting and scary event of my life. It happened to be Anthrocon 2007 soon after I turned 18. It was to say the least, overwhelming, but I felt like I belonged. I knew no one, besides locals and it was an anxiety filled event but in a good way. Surprisingly I was a shy person back then at least very soft spoken and more to myself. I hadn’t yet come out of my shell. I didn’t know what words to say or even how to fully interact without seeming somewhat foolish, pretty much I over thought every interaction. The best way I could explain would be that in my mind I could think of the most logical thing to say, but when I went to speak I’d get stage fright and almost stop, slur, or forget my sentence entirely and then feel embarrassed. I was intimidated. Everyone had their groups and here I was kind of tagging along on coat tails of others. I lacked all courage to butt into a conversation, or even try to make small talk. I felt like an ant in a world of giants. I didn’t want to disturb them for fears of what I might cause.
There were many I looked up to, or wanted to talk to but I had to build up the courage just to speak with them. I wanted to come in with a good impression so I’d sit there and think in my mind how I should say something. My heart would race, and sometimes I would even see someone and walk away because I’d worry myself so much or put into my mind, I wasn’t ready. I was so worried I wouldn’t fit in, simply because most of high school I was always the “weird one”. With friends I was the biggest jokester, blunt and funny guy but I could never meet new people. I was so terrified of saying the wrong thing or making a bad impression that I’d avoid ever making an impression in the first place. I’d dwell on a mistake I said like everyone in a 10 mile radius noticed and a beacon glowed above my head. I lacked a lot of confidence in myself. Even so I still loved making people laugh. I always, even since high school, would try to entertain. Even if it only caught the attention of one person, it always made me feel great when I made someone smile.
(Anyone reading this is probably surprised because this is the exact opposite of the person I am today)
Over time I got better. A lot of the fears stayed with me if I was alone, but when I was with friends it was easy for me to jump in an initiate conversation with a stranger. Friends gave me the confidence I needed, but I also began to learn to just be myself. Though that worry was still strong, “What if no one likes me?”, “What if I don’t fit in?” your mind races with so many “What Ifs” and you psyche yourself out. Being in the fandom was a place I felt like I belonged. It slowly began changing my life. It brought me such confidence in myself and in turn made me feel proud of who I was. I didn’t feel so outcasted, I felt as if I found a home where people didn’t care if you were awkward, or a little strange and they embraced it. Soon after starting to break out of my shell I started doing FurCast. Speaking a ton expanded my horizons but also caused me to smash the fears I hid behind and become more of a fabulous fox. (I say that jokingly as a metaphor for me really starting to be myself without any fears)
Instead of worrying about “What ifs” I worried about just being myself and making people laugh. If someone liked me great, if not I wouldn’t get so stressed over it. I was never seeking tons of friends, or to be known. I enjoyed talking with people, still do. I stopped worrying about every mistake I might make or every slip up, and just have fun. Life had too many worries to stop and think about each one. Just having a few close friends was all I ever really needed.
(Fast forward [excluding so much information] to today)
There is so much to my story that I can’t even possibly tell everything. So much is missing but it’s hard to explain all the ups and downs and self realization. Needless to say I wouldn’t be who I am today without the influence of the fandom in my life. It has helped better me in so many ways. From bringing confidence to being able to talk to, meet, and share stories with some of the most talented, incredible and most amazing people I’ve ever had the joys of making contact and connections with.
But from my past I’ve used it as away to be a better person in the fandom as well. I realize I reached a point where people do look up to me. I can say that I’m known by many and know many myself. I never aimed to be, nor have I ever seen it as desirable. That wasn’t some goal or record, nor was it ever even an acknowledgeable reason to why I joined the fandom. I’ve got where I am by just being myself and treating life as a big joke, but one you need to laugh at even during rough times. To not worry, I didn’t need to inflate myself or try to “fit in” but learn to just be an individual…to be myself. Knowing I have fans, and knowing where I stood when I first joined the fandom I’ve learned how it can be intimidating. I watched how some treated people, and even I myself were treated. It bothered me when someone acted / believed as if they were somehow better than those around them. I even seen a few outcast or push others away. Or in turn sit and make fun of others like they themselves had not a single flaw. I simply never understood that. I have never seen myself as better than anyone and really am incapable of doing so.
I guess I’m posting this cause I want people to know that I wasn’t some confident outspoken person when I joined the fandom. To those who’ve told me their shy or were too scared to talk to me, don’t be. I’d hate to ever be intimidating and I just want to say I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to stand in front of someone afraid of what to say, but never let your fears control you. Even more so don’t try to inflate yourself to match another, or be something you are not. Just be yourself. This fandom is so accepting of all walks of life, it’s the one place you can always feel comfortable being yourself. You don’t need a suit, a show or be an artist to make friends. All you need is confidence in yourself.
When I went to my first con (granted I went to local meets since I was 16) it was the most exciting and scary event of my life. It happened to be Anthrocon 2007 soon after I turned 18. It was to say the least, overwhelming, but I felt like I belonged. I knew no one, besides locals and it was an anxiety filled event but in a good way. Surprisingly I was a shy person back then at least very soft spoken and more to myself. I hadn’t yet come out of my shell. I didn’t know what words to say or even how to fully interact without seeming somewhat foolish, pretty much I over thought every interaction. The best way I could explain would be that in my mind I could think of the most logical thing to say, but when I went to speak I’d get stage fright and almost stop, slur, or forget my sentence entirely and then feel embarrassed. I was intimidated. Everyone had their groups and here I was kind of tagging along on coat tails of others. I lacked all courage to butt into a conversation, or even try to make small talk. I felt like an ant in a world of giants. I didn’t want to disturb them for fears of what I might cause.
There were many I looked up to, or wanted to talk to but I had to build up the courage just to speak with them. I wanted to come in with a good impression so I’d sit there and think in my mind how I should say something. My heart would race, and sometimes I would even see someone and walk away because I’d worry myself so much or put into my mind, I wasn’t ready. I was so worried I wouldn’t fit in, simply because most of high school I was always the “weird one”. With friends I was the biggest jokester, blunt and funny guy but I could never meet new people. I was so terrified of saying the wrong thing or making a bad impression that I’d avoid ever making an impression in the first place. I’d dwell on a mistake I said like everyone in a 10 mile radius noticed and a beacon glowed above my head. I lacked a lot of confidence in myself. Even so I still loved making people laugh. I always, even since high school, would try to entertain. Even if it only caught the attention of one person, it always made me feel great when I made someone smile.
(Anyone reading this is probably surprised because this is the exact opposite of the person I am today)
Over time I got better. A lot of the fears stayed with me if I was alone, but when I was with friends it was easy for me to jump in an initiate conversation with a stranger. Friends gave me the confidence I needed, but I also began to learn to just be myself. Though that worry was still strong, “What if no one likes me?”, “What if I don’t fit in?” your mind races with so many “What Ifs” and you psyche yourself out. Being in the fandom was a place I felt like I belonged. It slowly began changing my life. It brought me such confidence in myself and in turn made me feel proud of who I was. I didn’t feel so outcasted, I felt as if I found a home where people didn’t care if you were awkward, or a little strange and they embraced it. Soon after starting to break out of my shell I started doing FurCast. Speaking a ton expanded my horizons but also caused me to smash the fears I hid behind and become more of a fabulous fox. (I say that jokingly as a metaphor for me really starting to be myself without any fears)
Instead of worrying about “What ifs” I worried about just being myself and making people laugh. If someone liked me great, if not I wouldn’t get so stressed over it. I was never seeking tons of friends, or to be known. I enjoyed talking with people, still do. I stopped worrying about every mistake I might make or every slip up, and just have fun. Life had too many worries to stop and think about each one. Just having a few close friends was all I ever really needed.
(Fast forward [excluding so much information] to today)
There is so much to my story that I can’t even possibly tell everything. So much is missing but it’s hard to explain all the ups and downs and self realization. Needless to say I wouldn’t be who I am today without the influence of the fandom in my life. It has helped better me in so many ways. From bringing confidence to being able to talk to, meet, and share stories with some of the most talented, incredible and most amazing people I’ve ever had the joys of making contact and connections with.
But from my past I’ve used it as away to be a better person in the fandom as well. I realize I reached a point where people do look up to me. I can say that I’m known by many and know many myself. I never aimed to be, nor have I ever seen it as desirable. That wasn’t some goal or record, nor was it ever even an acknowledgeable reason to why I joined the fandom. I’ve got where I am by just being myself and treating life as a big joke, but one you need to laugh at even during rough times. To not worry, I didn’t need to inflate myself or try to “fit in” but learn to just be an individual…to be myself. Knowing I have fans, and knowing where I stood when I first joined the fandom I’ve learned how it can be intimidating. I watched how some treated people, and even I myself were treated. It bothered me when someone acted / believed as if they were somehow better than those around them. I even seen a few outcast or push others away. Or in turn sit and make fun of others like they themselves had not a single flaw. I simply never understood that. I have never seen myself as better than anyone and really am incapable of doing so.
I guess I’m posting this cause I want people to know that I wasn’t some confident outspoken person when I joined the fandom. To those who’ve told me their shy or were too scared to talk to me, don’t be. I’d hate to ever be intimidating and I just want to say I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to stand in front of someone afraid of what to say, but never let your fears control you. Even more so don’t try to inflate yourself to match another, or be something you are not. Just be yourself. This fandom is so accepting of all walks of life, it’s the one place you can always feel comfortable being yourself. You don’t need a suit, a show or be an artist to make friends. All you need is confidence in yourself.
We're are all shy with those things at the first time
First contact I had with a furry was over ten years ago. A friend who
I know from another forums website, had a snow leopard avatar and
long story short... I asked about it, he told me about furries and just
like that, I dismissed it. Like most non-furs, I thought it was a fetish.
Fast forward to May of 2013, he wished me a happy birthday. I then
asked him to tell me about the furries again. And this time, I was more
accepting with an open mind to what he was telling me. I decided to
check it out. From that point on, I've felt like "the fandom" was home!
Not gonna lie... I'm shy because I have a less than stellar appearance.
I'm not usually the one to spark up a conversation and only speak when
spoken to. But I felt comfortable around everyone. These people are
"different" just like my self. I'm considered "normal" among these people!
Made some friends here on FA and decided to take the next step and
actually meet these people in person. There was a small meet here in
Boston and met a hand full of awesome people. Then I moved on to
something bigger and scarier... My first furry con... FurFright-2013!!!
I've been doing furry meets every month since then and I could NOT
be any happier than I am today. All of the friends... All of the love...
All of this is sincere and real. I love the fact that I can even walk up
to someone as well known as Cooper Tom, and he'll talk up a storm!!!
If you're going to AnthroCon this year, I hope to see you and give you
a great big hug. Your story is kinda similar to my own and I kinda know
where you're coming from. Thanks a million for taking the time to type
it up and share it with everyone... You're a rock star in my books!!!
Be being an Aspie made things that much harder, hence why the bridge burning was far more severe. I've turned into Raj from the Big Bang Theory. I fear talking to some women because I'll say something wrong causing a gigantic fuss and burning another bridge.
Brony has been dealing with lots of people that are Aspies, so I related to it better. I related even better to people in both fandoms, and it was through their help I became a better person overall.
The challenge still remains for me to come off as acceptable to be around. But I currently think I would never win people (women) that are sensitive to uncommon methods of communication that some Aspies exhibit.
I would like to add I totally think that Paul Leggman helped you out too. People tend to feel more comfortable associating with a silly object or meme I've noticed then an actual person. It's a great icebreaker. My friend runs an account for a famous twitter account & people are just so friendly to it. My friend defiantly opened up as a person because of it.
I'm glad for you & Paul.