It's inevitable and unavoidable. Today I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started to plan my new daily routines and began the changes that I'm hoping to continue to make and improve upon. I started with my office. Wiping down the french doors, gathering the trash, dusting the ceiling fan etc.

I went through the giant mountain of mail that I ignored while I was ill. (O.M.G. so much junk!) I then pulled out my portable filing cabinet. I stopped doing the household finances in 2010 because I had to travel so much for my job. So I was a bit amazed when I opened the cabinet to find my life in paper covering 2008-2009. To my own credit, I was freaking organized as heck!

I also discovered that I'm very out of the loop on the running of my own house. I am a little overwhelmed at the moment by how much I let my "job" run my life. I didn't have a life. I stopped hanging out with my friends, I stopped traveling for fun. I had stopped writing, and barely played games. Even my reading habits came to near non existence.

My world involved trying to develop skills for work, and often I brought my work home. No wonder my marriage fell into the toilet never to return. No wonder that when I tried dating again I failed. I lost Danny due to being always stressed and possessive of HIS time, when hell, I didn't even have enough time for myself.

All of these realizations has shown me that my "job" was literally killing me. It wasn't worth it. I'm going to take this new opportunity and do the things I've always wanted to and need to. I now have the time, I'm going to use it wisely. I'll learn how to balance.

I will have my garden this year, I will plant trees, I will write more, I will read more, I will exercise more, I will take back the finances of the house, I will nest in my house and do what I want. I'm going to get out, I'm going to game. This is only the beginning. . .

Watch out world . . . I'm wide awake and not going back.