First of all thank you to everyone whom responded, noted or contacted me regarding my last journal.
It's been quite a number of weeks of internal reflection and I guess everyone really does have their limits, I was at mine.

However, it is true what many of you said. I shouldn't let the select few, no matter who they are get in the way of being myself.
Many people make assumptions about me, my business, my character and life. Most of these stem from rumors or simply from those whom have had issues or conflict with me in the past.
I'll treat you with respect if you treat me the same. I'm only human and when people have disrespected or upset me, I'll confront them head on. Not create drama behind their backs nor bitch about them online. I confront the person and the issue and most of the time this ends up with them bad mouthing me or my company.
Some people are just vile and I need to learn to accept that.

It's hard running a business on your own. My Squeak Latex business gets so many emails and orders a day I find it hard to keep up. Also dealing with my workshop in China whom bring my patterns and designs to life are also an added stress.
I've been called a scammer, scum and so on when it comes to my business. But the main reason I create these is to supply people with like minded interests things I wish I had in the early days. I've sunk and incredible amount of money into this and believe me there are far easier ways to make money than to do what I do. Why oh why some people in the community who share the same interest want to bring it down is beyond me.
But hey, fuck em right?
So they try to undermine me, talk shit about my business. If people don't want to buy from me, that's fine and their loss.
I'm not going to destroy something I've worked so very hard on because of a couple of ass holes.

As for performance and dance.
So my peers and certain cliches don't like me or make me feel unwelcome.
Meh.
Perhaps my personality just isn't for them. Perhaps it's because i'm an out spoken individual and call things how I see it. I don't do this to create enemies or drama, far from it. I do this because it's something i'm passionate about, subjects I care enough to share my opinions on. I see those outside the cliches or out side of the "cool kids" group being pushed aside or feeling intimidated to be involved in something they enjoy. It just really rubs me the wrong way.
Life would be easier if I just kept my mouth shut, took the flack/hate that comes my way.
I enjoy being Duke, I enjoy being Oz or any other character I play. I have ideas and things I want to create because I love doing so! I joined this fandom to escape the pressure of the real world, it's what a hobby is all about. It was becoming more stressful to be involved in the community than just day to day life.
I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about who I am, what i'm about and my interests. This is a community where everyone should feel welcome.

So as hard as it is, i'm going to ignore all the shit that has been bringing me down. I know there will be days when it will get to me, i'm not a machine. But, i'll try because I miss enjoying the fandom and I want to enjoy it once more.

Thank you again to everyone, you've helped more than you may realize.