FA+
Shop
It Gets Better
10 years ago
General
For all those who are depressed and, or enduring hardships.
It Gets Better.
Generally, I'm known as a happy person. Carefree and silly, I was told I had an infectious laugh that made people feel comfortable with their own laughter. Sometimes I look at myself and ask, "are these people blind??!?!?!" ;)
I know that no one really knows all the junk I've been through, nor the depression and specifics I'll probably take to the grave because I don't want those things to define me. And as a wise lady once said, "The Horse is dead, dismount!" (She was a foster kid who no one ever wanted, was molested and abused. She didn't want twelve years of her life to represent the forty years of happiness.)
There was a period of my life, those few years that I was completely absent from this website, where I was in a very dark place. There were several reasons, you can always find reasons when you're blue, but a bit of it was me believing that I was a complete failure. That I had run out of options and I was no more than a dud in a fireworks show.
But, with the help of God added to my own effort, I was able to overcome everything that was bringing me down. Shit is still happening in my life, I'm so very close to loosing a relative and what few years of her life she has left may be murky and it's possible she'll forget who I am before she goes.
My point isn't to dwell on how many problems I have, but to see that eventually the shadows of today melt in the sunrise of tomorrow. You have to learn to seek out happiness because sometimes, life does NOT take a break as it beats down on you. Trust me, for my entire life, my Dad has never been healthy and has never had it easy. But he's overcome stage four cancer and he'll keep enduring until the last of his days. ((Which I deeply, and sincerely hope are plentiful. Because I'm selfish and I want as much of him and I can get.))
Just keep trucking on, take your hardships on the chin and keep your cool. No matter what happens, there is always something worth pursuing.
We are all unique.
Just remember - some folks are angry. Scared. Resentful of time and chace lost.
YOU. LIVE. ON.
Please.
There is not a moment in that dying spite where it is MEANT - And if you truly feel such hate from a dead person.....
No disrespect to your lo- no, youknow what?
FUCK. EVERYTHING about a person who could be like that.
Live. Keep on living. Live for you. Never forget the good and the lessons shared, but never let death stop your life.
I know I dont know you or matter - But I also love you as a person regardless - I do. I wish nothing more on my way out than to know; the world still goes good people still live and theres still hope. And you should always remember. <3
there's always a chance. I've already lucked into more time than they started me at.
Always.
Hope. Never give up.
Keep on keepin on until theres no more on to keep~!
Kara♫
But it takes time. And it's super subtle.
I had reached a point where I didn't feel like I had any feelings at all. I decided around the times of my depression to write a book and at first I felt like I was just making emotions up because I couldn't relate to them. I felt like a big phony but I kept writing and as I got better, I could relate to emotions in general again. Then I had emotions again. But that was a process of about a year, and even after that- it took a bit of time for me to forgive some folks and learn to love freely again.
My advice is to avoid apathy at all costs. It numbs the pain but the more meaningless things are, the less meaningful your life seems. Your life is always full of meaning, even if you're a firework like me, waiting to ignite.
It started years ago when they wouldn't let me live down a simple failure.
I had to convince my mom that I was capable, and to this day I'm still a bit afraid to try.
They are never bith you dead - in a different better situation? Yes. But always alive and thriving. Away from them, perhaps, etc.
Death is stillness, neighbor.
We need to keep moving.
On to new places or with a new focus.
But never better off dead.
The perk to my condition is my low sleep. So I may be around for those of many schedules.
When I was graduating from highschool, I was home schooled, my mom was upset because she didn't believe that I was ready to graduate but she was going to anyway. She made me feel just absolutely terrible through her own insecurities. I wanted her to just not graduate me if she really felt like I was so far behind.
Well, I didn't do so hot on the ACT, partly because I'm not used to taking those kinds of tests and I test badly anyway... but when I did graduate with my associates, I was on the Dean's List. So hah.
I'm also here if you need to talk about anything. I know suicide may seem to be an option but it really isn't the answer. There is so much more life to live and it may be difficult but it's worth trying to turn it around.
I'm just tired of feeling inadequate and useless, I try helping people on FA but that ended horribly and I know nothing about making people happy. After many failed attempts at getting a job and going back to school (I now know that collage isn't exactly worth my time) I just sorta gave up, not being able to do what you set out to do is the most frustrating thing in my life.
Now a days I've been afraid to try anything new, because I'm afraid of failure due to my limited success. I'm not actually suicidal I just want to do everything in my power to not be a burden to anyone. Over the years I've convinced myself that my opinion doesn't matter so now I have a hard time speaking my mind, hopefully things will change, probably.
I think once you find something that you can do, no matter how tiny it is you'll finally have some blocks to build with. And once you find it, own it. When I tell people about where I look, I get that look of "oh... walmart..." and sometimes it really, really hurts. But they don't understand that it's something that is a positive thing in my life. It's really, really hard to get fired, if you work you'll get hours, 70% of all the "higher ups" started off as associates- so chances of promotions are high, and you get special discounts in certain places, like in college. For someone who was so insecure- it was a life saver.
It doesn't have to even be a job at first. You could do a little webcomic, nothing ambitious, just a four panel something or other. Your art is good enough for that. I would focus on getting a foothold on anything. And try not to beat yourself up for failing to come through with something. You've probably done more than enough of that. :) And it sounds like family isn't really on your side, which is important, but the most important thing is that you need to be on your side.
I really hope that you pull through this. <3
I suggested going back to school because I wasn't the way I am now back then, I was able to speak up to people and make friends in person.
Whatever happened to me is slowly being reversed but I still have lingering doubts and the occasional relapse into pure sadness.