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Moving on.
10 years ago
If only I could be... So, I have some explaining to do I guess.
All and all, I've been depressed, I think it started as early as when I first doing daily drawings nearly two years ago. It feels like much longer than that but.. The signs were all there, and I ignored them, lying to myself and how I felt, pushed it all to the back of my mind and buried myself in work and clung to the remnants of my life back in NY. I had once strongly believed that change, any change, shouldn't be feared, but embraced so that you can shape and mold it into what you want. But instead of doing that I ended up just hiding and it took me meeting someone to break me out of that, draw me out of the 'everything is going to be okay, just act tough for everyone' shell that I had crawled into since I was a kid, and I was told I had to be sociable and liked, merge myself with social constructs of the modern world. And all this time I had, but in all honesty it fucking sucks, I was so angry back in Asheville, and I didn't know why, and I think I'm starting to understand, I was being someone who I wasn't for so long, and it was frustrating me to hell! I stopped enjoying everything I liked, hosting DnD, going out to tabletop games, drawing, and generally ..everything. I was burnt out on life. Before I met Coshi I was shutting down, drawing myself in, barely able to get myself up out of bed in the morning. I still have a lot of these problems, and for the past like six months (give or take, the passage of time is sometimes a blur to me now) I had been sorting though them. I broke up with my pack, Swizz, Yena, Malkin, even Valemor, though you left before me, I still care about you guys. All of you should keep in touch. I don't feel I made a mistake, it was a trainwreck in slow motion to be sure, but I should have let it all go a long time ago. u u
I've been proactive with my depression as of late though. Looking for a job, tied things up with Coshi, even being able to meet him and having the best week of my life in a long time. u//u
That brings me to my point. I was planning on saying "Opening for requests!" Since I've had a hard time pinning down what subject matter to deal with, you know if I should draw vore, smutty stuff, just casual doodles of ghosts and demons, or everyday stuff in a slice of life kinda thing. Iunno. I still have to pick a new style to emulate, I know I still don't draw quite like Swizz, but since I've started drawing less, I notice I don't have a steady enough hand to draw like him unless it's on pen and paper, but his style is so digital-centric that'd loose all the charm he puts into stuff. So Iunno what I'm gonna do, my phone has a tablet built in, I wanna start learning to draw digitally with that for a bit, then pick up the walcom Yeavy gave me that I started drawing with, otherwise i'll draw on pencil and paper, since I have a decent scanner.
However, if you want to get in on these requests, they will only ever be uploaded to Weasyl, with the whole IMVU shenanigans I want to draw the line with FA, the staff here has gone to far, selling the site on such short notice to a developer that has laughable standards and a ToS planned that is looser than DA's
Seriously, IMVU should be put on Artistbeware (though I know that's not what that site is for) they are a danger to everyone's basic rights (copyright and intellectual property) unless the backlash today convinces then to change their policies.
So in short, before the servers get moved and backed up (supposedly this weekend) I will be spending some time moving things over, making sure I have the files i want archived and then taking it all down on FA, this account will be a watcher only account, and I'll keep an eye out for notes for requests.
I only have two rules for these requests as well.
I can decline a request for any reason at any time.
And, when I feel I'm done (emotionally or developmentally) either it be a sketch or whatever quality of work the agreed on thing was, that will be the final product. No revisions will be made unless I really feel like making them.
In short, beggers can't be choosers.
To the small number of you that have watched me on both FA and Weasyl already, I'd love to give you my heartfelt thanks. I never got a large following, but after looking and seeing that people stopped to look at me long enough on either site makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Or that could be Coshi in there ~//~ The punchline of that joke was vore.. rim-shot.
Anyway! Let me get to work on this, and please, don't be afraid to send me a note, no matter how 'strange' or 'this person wouldn't draw that' you think your request might be, the worst that can happen is that I say no. I will never ridicule ANYONE for there preferences and so on and so forth (I do no kink shaming, unless shaming kinks is your kink, which I bet is a thing that stems off a humiliation fetish, then I'll shame the hell out of you because you like it)
All and all, I've been depressed, I think it started as early as when I first doing daily drawings nearly two years ago. It feels like much longer than that but.. The signs were all there, and I ignored them, lying to myself and how I felt, pushed it all to the back of my mind and buried myself in work and clung to the remnants of my life back in NY. I had once strongly believed that change, any change, shouldn't be feared, but embraced so that you can shape and mold it into what you want. But instead of doing that I ended up just hiding and it took me meeting someone to break me out of that, draw me out of the 'everything is going to be okay, just act tough for everyone' shell that I had crawled into since I was a kid, and I was told I had to be sociable and liked, merge myself with social constructs of the modern world. And all this time I had, but in all honesty it fucking sucks, I was so angry back in Asheville, and I didn't know why, and I think I'm starting to understand, I was being someone who I wasn't for so long, and it was frustrating me to hell! I stopped enjoying everything I liked, hosting DnD, going out to tabletop games, drawing, and generally ..everything. I was burnt out on life. Before I met Coshi I was shutting down, drawing myself in, barely able to get myself up out of bed in the morning. I still have a lot of these problems, and for the past like six months (give or take, the passage of time is sometimes a blur to me now) I had been sorting though them. I broke up with my pack, Swizz, Yena, Malkin, even Valemor, though you left before me, I still care about you guys. All of you should keep in touch. I don't feel I made a mistake, it was a trainwreck in slow motion to be sure, but I should have let it all go a long time ago. u u
I've been proactive with my depression as of late though. Looking for a job, tied things up with Coshi, even being able to meet him and having the best week of my life in a long time. u//u
That brings me to my point. I was planning on saying "Opening for requests!" Since I've had a hard time pinning down what subject matter to deal with, you know if I should draw vore, smutty stuff, just casual doodles of ghosts and demons, or everyday stuff in a slice of life kinda thing. Iunno. I still have to pick a new style to emulate, I know I still don't draw quite like Swizz, but since I've started drawing less, I notice I don't have a steady enough hand to draw like him unless it's on pen and paper, but his style is so digital-centric that'd loose all the charm he puts into stuff. So Iunno what I'm gonna do, my phone has a tablet built in, I wanna start learning to draw digitally with that for a bit, then pick up the walcom Yeavy gave me that I started drawing with, otherwise i'll draw on pencil and paper, since I have a decent scanner.
However, if you want to get in on these requests, they will only ever be uploaded to Weasyl, with the whole IMVU shenanigans I want to draw the line with FA, the staff here has gone to far, selling the site on such short notice to a developer that has laughable standards and a ToS planned that is looser than DA's
Seriously, IMVU should be put on Artistbeware (though I know that's not what that site is for) they are a danger to everyone's basic rights (copyright and intellectual property) unless the backlash today convinces then to change their policies.
So in short, before the servers get moved and backed up (supposedly this weekend) I will be spending some time moving things over, making sure I have the files i want archived and then taking it all down on FA, this account will be a watcher only account, and I'll keep an eye out for notes for requests.
I only have two rules for these requests as well.
I can decline a request for any reason at any time.
And, when I feel I'm done (emotionally or developmentally) either it be a sketch or whatever quality of work the agreed on thing was, that will be the final product. No revisions will be made unless I really feel like making them.
In short, beggers can't be choosers.
To the small number of you that have watched me on both FA and Weasyl already, I'd love to give you my heartfelt thanks. I never got a large following, but after looking and seeing that people stopped to look at me long enough on either site makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Or that could be Coshi in there ~//~ The punchline of that joke was vore.. rim-shot.
Anyway! Let me get to work on this, and please, don't be afraid to send me a note, no matter how 'strange' or 'this person wouldn't draw that' you think your request might be, the worst that can happen is that I say no. I will never ridicule ANYONE for there preferences and so on and so forth (I do no kink shaming, unless shaming kinks is your kink, which I bet is a thing that stems off a humiliation fetish, then I'll shame the hell out of you because you like it)
