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I have had enough of this shit!
10 years ago
Sorry for all this venting, but I think I have reached my limit and I am getting real tired of this bullshit.
Okay, so the little vent art that I made was about my phone being confiscated just because I forgot to call my sister. I am possibly the most forgetful human being on this planet. It is really hard for me to put priorities straight without suddenly forgetting what I was supposed to do next.
But I digress. The reason as to why I am so mad is because other stuff that happened later on yesterday. From what my mother had told me, I was supposed to write a letter for a teacher in my brother's school in relation to community service hours. (These community service hours are all that I need to graduate, Everything else is covered.) I got frustrated that I couldn't really write the damned thing all too well so my mom tried asking my dad for help. (He was lying in bed, as usual.) The words that came out of his mouth upset me so much that I got my keys and left that fucking house, I kindo of wished I hadn't heard the words he said. I wish that the door to both the room he was in and my room were closed. It was a fucking disgrace as to what I heard and it further proves that he no longers cares about me. This man said, "She's not going to graduate, so why should I care?" (He said this in Spanish. Either way it pissed me off.)
So then I am just walking around my neighborhood and I stayed outside for more than three hours walking around trying to calm down. I haven't been this mad at my dad since three to four years ago. I was practically devastated as I wandered around my neighborhood, trying to stay calm. I'm just glad that no one paid mind to some eighteen year old in pajamas just wandering aimlessly.
I then ended up going to my cousin's house once I felt a bit better. I knocked on their door and my cousin, along with the rest of the family, were so happy to see me. They said I gave them all a heart attack because I had been outside for an extremely long time and were even about to go out to search for me. They then told me how my mom was pretty much worried sick. (Yeah. MY MOM. There was no mention whatsoever about my dad. Even more proof.) They told me that she looked in the places where she thought I would be in and even called my cousin's family to see if I was there, which they responded with no at the time I had left the house. (Yeah. My dad didn't even bother with getting out of bed to look for me. I'm not surprised at this point.)
I basically just talked to them about the shit that I had gone through at home and they were kind and understanding about it and tried to give me advice. After that I asked to go home. My cousin's dad drove me home and I was told that my dad went on a rampage and pretty much took stuff that I depend on to pretty much stay calm and happy. (If you couldn't tell already, I'm not exactly the happiest person. I depend heavily on objects and even my own dogs to make me happy because there just isn't any love in this family anymore.) My dad took my drawing tablet, my laptop, my X-Box controller, a wireless mouse, and a headset that I use to talk to friends on Skype, Not only that, he deleted my games folder from my computer and even deleted programs that I need for streaming and recording and he even went so far as to delete Skype. I would understand just putting a fucking password on my computer, but going so far as to delete the majority of the programs that I have on this PC that I have is just too far.
But yeah, that is everything that happened yesterday. I told my teachers about it and even my sister. They could only give me advice. I'm pretty much upset and just sad in general. I am planning to get the fuck out of this house once I start college, I don't want to be in this shit hole anymore. My dad practically made my life hell once I turned seven. I don't want to be near this place anymore. I don't wish to go back into spiraling depression, once again thanks to my dad. I have had enough of this shit and I am trying to fight for my freedom, even if I have to be silent about it.
I just hate the fact that my dad had to tell me such bullshit as a kid like this: "I will love you no matter what." You don't approve of the fact that I am an atheist yet I don't talk shit about your religion because I see no reason to do so. You don't approve that I like dating women. You don't like the fact that I am a pansexual. You called me a sinner for being this yet I have so many things to say about you because of how much of a douche you really are. My aunt is so much more accepting and I really wish that I was just adopted by her already. I am trying so hard to not give up on many things anymore. I am trying to hold back tears as I write this, Ten years of misery has done a lot to me and there is no recovering from that. I hope no one else on this planet has to go through the same shit that I have and that they are never hurt the same way that I have.
Again, so sorry for the vent but I can't keep this kind of stuff just bottled up inside of me. I already have enough health problems as it is. I don't want any more than what I already have.
Okay, so the little vent art that I made was about my phone being confiscated just because I forgot to call my sister. I am possibly the most forgetful human being on this planet. It is really hard for me to put priorities straight without suddenly forgetting what I was supposed to do next.
But I digress. The reason as to why I am so mad is because other stuff that happened later on yesterday. From what my mother had told me, I was supposed to write a letter for a teacher in my brother's school in relation to community service hours. (These community service hours are all that I need to graduate, Everything else is covered.) I got frustrated that I couldn't really write the damned thing all too well so my mom tried asking my dad for help. (He was lying in bed, as usual.) The words that came out of his mouth upset me so much that I got my keys and left that fucking house, I kindo of wished I hadn't heard the words he said. I wish that the door to both the room he was in and my room were closed. It was a fucking disgrace as to what I heard and it further proves that he no longers cares about me. This man said, "She's not going to graduate, so why should I care?" (He said this in Spanish. Either way it pissed me off.)
So then I am just walking around my neighborhood and I stayed outside for more than three hours walking around trying to calm down. I haven't been this mad at my dad since three to four years ago. I was practically devastated as I wandered around my neighborhood, trying to stay calm. I'm just glad that no one paid mind to some eighteen year old in pajamas just wandering aimlessly.
I then ended up going to my cousin's house once I felt a bit better. I knocked on their door and my cousin, along with the rest of the family, were so happy to see me. They said I gave them all a heart attack because I had been outside for an extremely long time and were even about to go out to search for me. They then told me how my mom was pretty much worried sick. (Yeah. MY MOM. There was no mention whatsoever about my dad. Even more proof.) They told me that she looked in the places where she thought I would be in and even called my cousin's family to see if I was there, which they responded with no at the time I had left the house. (Yeah. My dad didn't even bother with getting out of bed to look for me. I'm not surprised at this point.)
I basically just talked to them about the shit that I had gone through at home and they were kind and understanding about it and tried to give me advice. After that I asked to go home. My cousin's dad drove me home and I was told that my dad went on a rampage and pretty much took stuff that I depend on to pretty much stay calm and happy. (If you couldn't tell already, I'm not exactly the happiest person. I depend heavily on objects and even my own dogs to make me happy because there just isn't any love in this family anymore.) My dad took my drawing tablet, my laptop, my X-Box controller, a wireless mouse, and a headset that I use to talk to friends on Skype, Not only that, he deleted my games folder from my computer and even deleted programs that I need for streaming and recording and he even went so far as to delete Skype. I would understand just putting a fucking password on my computer, but going so far as to delete the majority of the programs that I have on this PC that I have is just too far.
But yeah, that is everything that happened yesterday. I told my teachers about it and even my sister. They could only give me advice. I'm pretty much upset and just sad in general. I am planning to get the fuck out of this house once I start college, I don't want to be in this shit hole anymore. My dad practically made my life hell once I turned seven. I don't want to be near this place anymore. I don't wish to go back into spiraling depression, once again thanks to my dad. I have had enough of this shit and I am trying to fight for my freedom, even if I have to be silent about it.
I just hate the fact that my dad had to tell me such bullshit as a kid like this: "I will love you no matter what." You don't approve of the fact that I am an atheist yet I don't talk shit about your religion because I see no reason to do so. You don't approve that I like dating women. You don't like the fact that I am a pansexual. You called me a sinner for being this yet I have so many things to say about you because of how much of a douche you really are. My aunt is so much more accepting and I really wish that I was just adopted by her already. I am trying so hard to not give up on many things anymore. I am trying to hold back tears as I write this, Ten years of misery has done a lot to me and there is no recovering from that. I hope no one else on this planet has to go through the same shit that I have and that they are never hurt the same way that I have.
Again, so sorry for the vent but I can't keep this kind of stuff just bottled up inside of me. I already have enough health problems as it is. I don't want any more than what I already have.
*offers hugs*
*hugs you tightly*