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I can see how Scrooge turned miserly.
19 years ago
I'm to the point where I'm beginning to hate Christmas. Each year it seems to get worse and worse...Christmas is supposed to be a time of giving, love and sharing, yet for some reason It's not been that way for me in years.
This year takes the cake, I think.
Thursday (Dec. 21st, the shortest day of the year...Not only that, but my ex-husband & My wedding anniversary) my roommates borrowed the car to get to work at Captains, where I used to be a karaoke DJ. (Losing my job in November because of a rumour was catalystic to me, I've virtually disappeared from the face of the earth since then...) As they were leaving, they get pulled over.
They were giving a ride to someone Samantha knew from the bar, and at the time he was drunk and running his mouth to the police. That's never a smart thing to do.
After a search, Samantha and the guy (Lenny) were taken into custody for possession charges. Our other roommate, Wes, caught a ride with someone else he knew and came home to let us know that our car was impounded for expired tags!
Yesterday I wake up, and thanks to me having one of the worst colds/flu I've had my entire life, try to fart and shit myself. (Gross but true.) I immediately make the :O <~~~ Face IRL while turning my head quickly to face Eben. When my neck turned, there was a loud "Pop" and excrutiating pain. I have to get up and quickly make it to the bathroom, but I can no longer hold my head up under it's own power, and I'm screaming/crying in pain (I can take alot, mind you...)
I make it back to bed when all was cleaned up, having to hold my head up like it's attached by stitches. I call one of Sam's friends and beg him to take me to the tag office so I can get my tags and get my car out of impound.
He picks me up and takes me there. At this point I'm still having to hold my neck up, and time I move my hand and try to hold it up normally it just doesn't have the strength and I scream out in pain.
We get to the tag office and, lo-and-behold, they're closed.
I was planning on going to the ER after I got my car, so this basically fucked that idea in the ass. Even if I got an ambulance to take me to the hospital, I couldn't get home. So I spend the day lying in bed and sniffling softly because - let me tell you - whatever is wrong with me is excrutiating. There's a knot the size of my fist on the left side of my neck, and while I can finally hold my head up today, I can't turn my head or nod at all.
Since Eben has to pay 120$ a week automatically out of his check for an apartment he's not lived in since July, the delay is going to put us 50$ over what he made this week. Which means we literally can't afford to get the car out now. I've lost my worth-about-2000$ car because now there's no way to afford to get it out of impound. They charge day-by-day, and there's literally NO way to pay for the impound fees and storage fees as well as the tags. Each week the fees go up more than his fucking full time salary. We have nothing to pawn left for the extra money.
When Sam got picked up for possession, I had to quickly scrable to erradicate all green and paraphernalia from the house. Which means the three plants that I've nutured and treated like children (and which I was planning on giving out for Christmas, because they were the only things I had worth giving...) had to go. So I had to chop them down. I gave 'em to a friend of mine. They're not dried so I couldn't sell them for extra $$, and not mature enough to pull a price above low-grade, even though they're imported seeds. Another month and they'd be worth about 400$/ounce, I had 3 three-foot-tall plants budding.
Sam's daughter is here for a visit. She just turned 18, and it's the first time Sam has seen her in 6 years.
Sam's still in jail, 'cause we're 50$ away from bailing her out, too.
So...The only way for Eben to still get to work is on Sam's scooter, which, thank God, she left the keys too. Earlier this morning we were joking around about him getting pulled over on this little moped...
I finally get some sleep, and wake up to the phone ringing.
"Remember how we were joking about me getting pulled over? Yeah, well...I'm down on the corner of MXR and waters...Yeah...Just got pulled over...Apparently you need a motorcycle license to drive this thing...(Scooter shop said you didn't because it doesn't go over 40 MPH...)
We've not been able to afford much food here recently, since I lost my job. I can't get on food stamps because I don't have a birth certificate and all this post-9-11 big-brother bullshit. Anyway, my hair is falling out in clumps (I seriously dread taking a shower, because I'm developing actual bald spots from lack of protien and at least a good handful of hair falls out each time I shower...) On top of that, I've redeveloped my neuropathy because of malnutrition. I've got that waddling, "Duck gait" and pain in my legs. I can barely stand again, and am lucky to walk to the bathroom when I need to.
So, now my roommate is in jail and I'm taking care of her daughter, I have no car, my hubby can't get to work on the scooter, no food in the house, malnutrition, whiplash or something equally fucked-up with my neck.
Oh, yeah. And my grandma died Dec. 5th.
I don't expect alot for Christmas, I learned early on that few people will remember me and I take my pleasure from getting gifts from others. Kinda like, if I'm not getting anything, I at least want to give someone else what I'm lacking.
I want a puppy. Every year since I was about 5 years old, I've wanted a puppy for Christmas. I've had dogs and puppies over the years, but I don't now and this is the first time that I've not had canine companionship. I seem to be unable to get pregnant at the moment, I feel left out and ignored ALOT in my life, all I want is a dog that will give me attention. The cats pay attention to me every now and then, but it's not the same.
It doesn't have to be anything more than a free dog or puppy from the paper. I just want the person that I love to give it to me as a gift. Nobody has ever been willing to before.
Judging by my husbands feverent opposition to the idea I doubt it's going to happen this year. If it doesn't, there is going to be something that snaps inside of me. I don't know what, but there's a piece of my heart hanging on by a thread right now and that will be enough to sever it the rest of the way. I'll keep hoping and praying, though. I could always be surprised.
Every year Christmas gets worse and worse. If I die when I'm 36 of lung cancer like was predicted, I'll bet it'll be on Christmas day.
This year takes the cake, I think.
Thursday (Dec. 21st, the shortest day of the year...Not only that, but my ex-husband & My wedding anniversary) my roommates borrowed the car to get to work at Captains, where I used to be a karaoke DJ. (Losing my job in November because of a rumour was catalystic to me, I've virtually disappeared from the face of the earth since then...) As they were leaving, they get pulled over.
They were giving a ride to someone Samantha knew from the bar, and at the time he was drunk and running his mouth to the police. That's never a smart thing to do.
After a search, Samantha and the guy (Lenny) were taken into custody for possession charges. Our other roommate, Wes, caught a ride with someone else he knew and came home to let us know that our car was impounded for expired tags!
Yesterday I wake up, and thanks to me having one of the worst colds/flu I've had my entire life, try to fart and shit myself. (Gross but true.) I immediately make the :O <~~~ Face IRL while turning my head quickly to face Eben. When my neck turned, there was a loud "Pop" and excrutiating pain. I have to get up and quickly make it to the bathroom, but I can no longer hold my head up under it's own power, and I'm screaming/crying in pain (I can take alot, mind you...)
I make it back to bed when all was cleaned up, having to hold my head up like it's attached by stitches. I call one of Sam's friends and beg him to take me to the tag office so I can get my tags and get my car out of impound.
He picks me up and takes me there. At this point I'm still having to hold my neck up, and time I move my hand and try to hold it up normally it just doesn't have the strength and I scream out in pain.
We get to the tag office and, lo-and-behold, they're closed.
I was planning on going to the ER after I got my car, so this basically fucked that idea in the ass. Even if I got an ambulance to take me to the hospital, I couldn't get home. So I spend the day lying in bed and sniffling softly because - let me tell you - whatever is wrong with me is excrutiating. There's a knot the size of my fist on the left side of my neck, and while I can finally hold my head up today, I can't turn my head or nod at all.
Since Eben has to pay 120$ a week automatically out of his check for an apartment he's not lived in since July, the delay is going to put us 50$ over what he made this week. Which means we literally can't afford to get the car out now. I've lost my worth-about-2000$ car because now there's no way to afford to get it out of impound. They charge day-by-day, and there's literally NO way to pay for the impound fees and storage fees as well as the tags. Each week the fees go up more than his fucking full time salary. We have nothing to pawn left for the extra money.
When Sam got picked up for possession, I had to quickly scrable to erradicate all green and paraphernalia from the house. Which means the three plants that I've nutured and treated like children (and which I was planning on giving out for Christmas, because they were the only things I had worth giving...) had to go. So I had to chop them down. I gave 'em to a friend of mine. They're not dried so I couldn't sell them for extra $$, and not mature enough to pull a price above low-grade, even though they're imported seeds. Another month and they'd be worth about 400$/ounce, I had 3 three-foot-tall plants budding.
Sam's daughter is here for a visit. She just turned 18, and it's the first time Sam has seen her in 6 years.
Sam's still in jail, 'cause we're 50$ away from bailing her out, too.
So...The only way for Eben to still get to work is on Sam's scooter, which, thank God, she left the keys too. Earlier this morning we were joking around about him getting pulled over on this little moped...
I finally get some sleep, and wake up to the phone ringing.
"Remember how we were joking about me getting pulled over? Yeah, well...I'm down on the corner of MXR and waters...Yeah...Just got pulled over...Apparently you need a motorcycle license to drive this thing...(Scooter shop said you didn't because it doesn't go over 40 MPH...)
We've not been able to afford much food here recently, since I lost my job. I can't get on food stamps because I don't have a birth certificate and all this post-9-11 big-brother bullshit. Anyway, my hair is falling out in clumps (I seriously dread taking a shower, because I'm developing actual bald spots from lack of protien and at least a good handful of hair falls out each time I shower...) On top of that, I've redeveloped my neuropathy because of malnutrition. I've got that waddling, "Duck gait" and pain in my legs. I can barely stand again, and am lucky to walk to the bathroom when I need to.
So, now my roommate is in jail and I'm taking care of her daughter, I have no car, my hubby can't get to work on the scooter, no food in the house, malnutrition, whiplash or something equally fucked-up with my neck.
Oh, yeah. And my grandma died Dec. 5th.
I don't expect alot for Christmas, I learned early on that few people will remember me and I take my pleasure from getting gifts from others. Kinda like, if I'm not getting anything, I at least want to give someone else what I'm lacking.
I want a puppy. Every year since I was about 5 years old, I've wanted a puppy for Christmas. I've had dogs and puppies over the years, but I don't now and this is the first time that I've not had canine companionship. I seem to be unable to get pregnant at the moment, I feel left out and ignored ALOT in my life, all I want is a dog that will give me attention. The cats pay attention to me every now and then, but it's not the same.
It doesn't have to be anything more than a free dog or puppy from the paper. I just want the person that I love to give it to me as a gift. Nobody has ever been willing to before.
Judging by my husbands feverent opposition to the idea I doubt it's going to happen this year. If it doesn't, there is going to be something that snaps inside of me. I don't know what, but there's a piece of my heart hanging on by a thread right now and that will be enough to sever it the rest of the way. I'll keep hoping and praying, though. I could always be surprised.
Every year Christmas gets worse and worse. If I die when I'm 36 of lung cancer like was predicted, I'll bet it'll be on Christmas day.
or maybe that long-planned piece of fan art? if you like being pictured in fancy lingerie, that is.
(i had to ask, someone else wasn't pleased about my pencil actions...)
mew? *purr*
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/343594/