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what do i do haha
10 years ago
Just going to let off some anxious steam here.
Lately, I've been pretty discouraged about getting a job, for multiple reasons. I've been very slowly accepting the fact that I may have to end up living on commission money, not being able to get the small cabin I've been wanting, and lately very much needing, as living in such close quarters with my parents is becoming very emotionally stressful. On top of that, my social anxiety keeps getting worse. Doesn't matter if it's online or in person. This of course creates a huge obstacle in the way of my job-finding efforts, and narrows down my options (mentally) to almost nothing. Not to mention I still have made no progress toward getting my license, past getting my permit.
If I could pop out quality art quickly and with little stress, everything would be fine. But I'm now feeling pressured to keep my commissions open - because I need to - and therefore feeling the stress of it never go away. The stress of working, and also the stress coming from endless worrying about the customer's satisfaction, no matter how much they praise me/my work. It's getting downright ridiculous in my head. It's not something I can just think away and control, either.
I guess this isn't about one particular thing. It all ties into my mentality in general, which I'm in a constant state of confusion about and all the help I've tried to get for it hasn't really done anything. I would just go get better help elsewhere on my own, but I'm still dependent on my parents and every time I mention stuff like this to my them (or my dad at least) they seem to think I'm overreacting about myself and don't really need it. The fact is, if I can't get a grasp on myself, how are they supposed to?
Anyway, my mind is just all frayed right now and I guess I'm just reaching out to grasp something solid. If you read this, thank you, really. I'm not sure what I'm asking, when it all comes down to it. Some kind of encouraging or calming words? I'm not sure.
Only things that can really be said is keep your chin up, try to take deep breaths, and don't let anyone drag you down. (It can be hard when you live with people who pile on stress... But it does get better. Especially when you find a place of your own.)
If that is how you feel about your situation, have you thought about doing something different in your life? If you're not feeling like you're measuring up, then maybe something needs to be changed. Just food for thought.