I just feel like I either piss everyone off and annoy people. That was kind of proven when I told one of my friends that I have body image issues and want to starve myself so I can get skinny because I don't have the motivation to exercise, and then he ignored me until I ate something.
I also feel like people are starting to avoid me because I have anxiety and depression, and adding insomnia into the mix makes it even worse. My life is falling apart right before my eyes. I can't get a job because of all the university students here, not that I blame them, but I can't get a job until summer because of that. I rely on money I get from my grandparents every month, and it's only $100. That's not enough for everything I need, but I'm grateful for it anyway. I need a job so I can go to college. I want to take psychology and make a career out of that by being a gender and sexual orientation therapist. I like helping people find out who they are, I like helping validate people's feelings of oneself. I've helped maybe 10 people already by just putting a name to their feelings. All I want is to make a career out of it, but I can't get a fucking job!
I can't sleep, I can't eat, all I do is smoke, drink, and draw because it's all I'm good at. Nobody's buying my art, and I need that money to pay off overdraft fees and get a new hard drive for my failing computer. If I plan on going to school online, I kind of need a new hard drive so it doesn't bluescreen in the middle of an assignment. I want to go to online school because I can't be around too many strangers at once without having some form of breakdown.
I have an irrational fear of choking on pills, but I'm considering depression and anxiety meds to help me get the fuck out of bed. I feel like I'm losing friends because I'm both needy and antisocial. If I didn't have these problems, I would have more friends. Hell, I'd probably be a lot more happy and social! I lost 2 years of being self harm free today. I can't take it anymore. At this week's therapy appointment, I'm gonna see if I can get a recommendation for medication. I'm sick and tired (literally) of being this way. I need help, financially and mentally.