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Draft of "Dealing with anxiety, depression, and bullying..."
10 years ago
Let me know what you think. I'm going to be starting my patreon regarding artist's mental health and growth, but I want to run this by you guys, and see if I'm on the right path. If it inspires you, let me know. I want people to feel better about themselves, so I'm going to start here.
DEALING WITH ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND BULLYING AS AN ARTIST
Everyone makes mistakes.
Things will get a lot better for you when you adapt this kind of thinking. None of your heroes are perfect, and nobody can please everyone. I know as an artist, many of us feel the need to please; otherwise we wouldn’t share our blood and sweat with the world. We want to please ourselves as much as the next person, and that’s why we share our gift – art, a gift which every one as human beings possesses – with our friends, family, and strangers viewing our art in various galleries.
But, there are some people who you just can’t please, and it is absolutely crucial to yourself, not only as an artist, but also as a human being to always remember:
NEVER TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
A lot of the times, when someone is trying to break you down, it’s just a reflection of their own suffering. They haven’t learned to utilize that negative energy to something more positive, such as bettering themselves with something they’re good at. They are lonely, and jealous of your relationship with your skill that you choose to share with yourself and the world. There is a huge danger in expressing yourself anywhere, but what separates you from the rest is how you handle it. Everyone has critics, because everyone likes different things. Some people are well off, and content with their lives, and are in a position of success to help forward you with your endeavours. Others are stuck in a rut, and in their attempt to grab out to people, they end up getting them stuck in the same mud as well. We all need help to see that the world is not a bad place, and these people are no different. Treat your enemies with respect. You might get an amazing friend out of it, because you saw something in them that no one else has cared enough to vocalize, due in part to that person’s reputation as a whiner or hater.
However, I am not saying help everyone. There are some people you just can’t help. These people are stagnant, and afraid of change. They make no conscious effort to want to stop being sad, beating themselves up, or completely miss all the small, amazing things that make life worth living on a daily basis. They are depressed, don’t want to go outside and get the amazing sunlight that gives us life.
You might think I am stuck-up for assuming this of people, but I know it to be the truth.
Why?
Because I was that person.
I know how it feels to feel worthless, to feel like the whole world is trying to stop you, when you feel that you have such a perfect vision for how to make the world a better place. You start to misunderstand why you keep having all these shortcomings, and eventually you stop fighting, sit in the corner, and let the darkness beat the pulp out of you. You think you’re trying, you think you’re getting somewhere, but let’s be real. At this point, with the fear of success and growth, all you are really doing is surviving. You keep pushing against something that hasn’t stopped since the dawn of time: change.
You can cry, scream, yell, freak out and hurt everyone you love all you want, but it isn’t going to get you anywhere. Eventually, people are going to try helping you, and you have better not torture any of your friends who have tried for months, years, or even decades in some cases, by not allowing yourself to change. These people care about you, they think about you, and they hold you in their best interests. Do not disrespect them. Everyone needs their down time, and it’s okay to be depressed for a little while. You need darkness in order to see light, and you must never think that you, and you alone are God’s gift to the world. We all are, so you really need to relax. We’re right alongside you. But you must never let the depression become the core of your being. We are giving, loving creatures by default, and to slip into the stream of selfishness that comes with the depression will do nothing but kill you (figuratively, of course).
It will make your friends happier beyond belief to get out of your dark spot and start living up to your calling. Everyone believes in you, and even if they don’t, you’re still there, aren’t you? Believe in yourself. Know that there’s people like me out there, even though I may not be able to talk to you personally in this lifetime, am holding you and all like-minded people in my thoughts while I write this, in an attempt to let you know you aren’t alone and that I fully believe in you. You have the ability to be as amazing as your idols and heroes, so why don’t you? You could be my hero. Why aren’t you?
So, it’s come to this. How do you beat the anxiety, depression, and bullying that comes with expressing yourself as an artist? How do you stand strong, knowing that you may not be the best now, but you’ll get there someday? How do you keep moving forward against a world that only seems to be pushing you backwards?
Fight.
Fight as hard as you can. Not against others, but yourself. You are your biggest enemy on your road to success. You, and you alone, are the world you see. Don’t like it? Fight against it, push back. Let yourself know that this isn’t what you were meant to be, and that you can be so, so much better to yourself, for yourself. No one is going to coddle you, and if you are getting loved and supported for being a stagnant person who isn’t doing much for the world, if you’re surrounding yourself with people who back-up your selfish, shitty behaviour, you might want to reconsider your friends. Get someone in your life that you can trust that can tell you the honest, cold truth. Just one friend like that will do. And if you can’t do that, because I know a lot of artists slip into the hermit mentality, tell yourself the truth. Take 30 minutes of your day to listen to some uplifting music and wipe your mind of your emotions – your sadness, happiness, love, hate and anger – and ask yourself, “is this right?”
You will be surprised at what you know.
I know it’s incredibly-super-mega hard to get out of that negative state of thinking, but you have to want to change. You wouldn't have read this far if you didn’t want to change, or see if I have anything to offer you. So, there is a sliver of hope. You’re on the right track.
----
Let me know if this helped you and I'll keep writing more. You can ask me questions and add your own tidbit of info; let's just help people get better and make the world a more happy, creative place!
DEALING WITH ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND BULLYING AS AN ARTIST
Everyone makes mistakes.
Things will get a lot better for you when you adapt this kind of thinking. None of your heroes are perfect, and nobody can please everyone. I know as an artist, many of us feel the need to please; otherwise we wouldn’t share our blood and sweat with the world. We want to please ourselves as much as the next person, and that’s why we share our gift – art, a gift which every one as human beings possesses – with our friends, family, and strangers viewing our art in various galleries.
But, there are some people who you just can’t please, and it is absolutely crucial to yourself, not only as an artist, but also as a human being to always remember:
NEVER TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
A lot of the times, when someone is trying to break you down, it’s just a reflection of their own suffering. They haven’t learned to utilize that negative energy to something more positive, such as bettering themselves with something they’re good at. They are lonely, and jealous of your relationship with your skill that you choose to share with yourself and the world. There is a huge danger in expressing yourself anywhere, but what separates you from the rest is how you handle it. Everyone has critics, because everyone likes different things. Some people are well off, and content with their lives, and are in a position of success to help forward you with your endeavours. Others are stuck in a rut, and in their attempt to grab out to people, they end up getting them stuck in the same mud as well. We all need help to see that the world is not a bad place, and these people are no different. Treat your enemies with respect. You might get an amazing friend out of it, because you saw something in them that no one else has cared enough to vocalize, due in part to that person’s reputation as a whiner or hater.
However, I am not saying help everyone. There are some people you just can’t help. These people are stagnant, and afraid of change. They make no conscious effort to want to stop being sad, beating themselves up, or completely miss all the small, amazing things that make life worth living on a daily basis. They are depressed, don’t want to go outside and get the amazing sunlight that gives us life.
You might think I am stuck-up for assuming this of people, but I know it to be the truth.
Why?
Because I was that person.
I know how it feels to feel worthless, to feel like the whole world is trying to stop you, when you feel that you have such a perfect vision for how to make the world a better place. You start to misunderstand why you keep having all these shortcomings, and eventually you stop fighting, sit in the corner, and let the darkness beat the pulp out of you. You think you’re trying, you think you’re getting somewhere, but let’s be real. At this point, with the fear of success and growth, all you are really doing is surviving. You keep pushing against something that hasn’t stopped since the dawn of time: change.
You can cry, scream, yell, freak out and hurt everyone you love all you want, but it isn’t going to get you anywhere. Eventually, people are going to try helping you, and you have better not torture any of your friends who have tried for months, years, or even decades in some cases, by not allowing yourself to change. These people care about you, they think about you, and they hold you in their best interests. Do not disrespect them. Everyone needs their down time, and it’s okay to be depressed for a little while. You need darkness in order to see light, and you must never think that you, and you alone are God’s gift to the world. We all are, so you really need to relax. We’re right alongside you. But you must never let the depression become the core of your being. We are giving, loving creatures by default, and to slip into the stream of selfishness that comes with the depression will do nothing but kill you (figuratively, of course).
It will make your friends happier beyond belief to get out of your dark spot and start living up to your calling. Everyone believes in you, and even if they don’t, you’re still there, aren’t you? Believe in yourself. Know that there’s people like me out there, even though I may not be able to talk to you personally in this lifetime, am holding you and all like-minded people in my thoughts while I write this, in an attempt to let you know you aren’t alone and that I fully believe in you. You have the ability to be as amazing as your idols and heroes, so why don’t you? You could be my hero. Why aren’t you?
So, it’s come to this. How do you beat the anxiety, depression, and bullying that comes with expressing yourself as an artist? How do you stand strong, knowing that you may not be the best now, but you’ll get there someday? How do you keep moving forward against a world that only seems to be pushing you backwards?
Fight.
Fight as hard as you can. Not against others, but yourself. You are your biggest enemy on your road to success. You, and you alone, are the world you see. Don’t like it? Fight against it, push back. Let yourself know that this isn’t what you were meant to be, and that you can be so, so much better to yourself, for yourself. No one is going to coddle you, and if you are getting loved and supported for being a stagnant person who isn’t doing much for the world, if you’re surrounding yourself with people who back-up your selfish, shitty behaviour, you might want to reconsider your friends. Get someone in your life that you can trust that can tell you the honest, cold truth. Just one friend like that will do. And if you can’t do that, because I know a lot of artists slip into the hermit mentality, tell yourself the truth. Take 30 minutes of your day to listen to some uplifting music and wipe your mind of your emotions – your sadness, happiness, love, hate and anger – and ask yourself, “is this right?”
You will be surprised at what you know.
I know it’s incredibly-super-mega hard to get out of that negative state of thinking, but you have to want to change. You wouldn't have read this far if you didn’t want to change, or see if I have anything to offer you. So, there is a sliver of hope. You’re on the right track.
----
Let me know if this helped you and I'll keep writing more. You can ask me questions and add your own tidbit of info; let's just help people get better and make the world a more happy, creative place!
I think you can continue adding to it though. The more detailed and relative, the more inspiring!
I'm not the best writer so I'll leave that to whoever else comments.
Well done ! *hugs*
And lots of people want me dead or to just forever suffer
Nevermind if you have something like depression + anxiety (or even worse, + imposter syndrome) where any apparent belief that friends have in you can be rationalised as them telling you what you want to hear (or in the latter case, you tricking them into not realising what a useless bastard you actually are).
This is only one view based off of one person's struggles, it cannot possibly (and doesn't) resonate with every case of depression/anxiety/etc. and in the assumption that it does it reads as kind of pretentious.
Not to say that it isn't/wasn't true and helpful for you, but for a lot of other folks struggling with depression this might seem a tad accusatory and might have the opposite effect intended.
Did you read the comment by the user I was agreeing with and branching my comment off of?
I also get the feeling that you've never experienced depression first hand or anyone with it...
Not every single person can just pull up their britches and move on.
You have to be compassionate and empathetic unu ♥
If you want advice, mine is to re-arrange it. Go sentence-by-sentence, write down what exactly you're trying to say, point form is fine. Most importantly, decide what the point is that you're trying to make with this essay. Then put it all in logical order, so one topic follows logically from the last, building up to your point. Use that as your outline and write it again.
Sorry I couldn't be more positive about your essay. You made some very good points. I especially liked the part about friends believing in you, until you got to believing in yourself and drifted off onto something about you believing in them and it got all muddled again. I think you said at the start that it needs work, I'm afraid you're right. But keep working on it, it's not beyond salvaging.
You used one word repeatedly that sums up a lot of it. You have to be willing to fight. You have to want to fight for something. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for the people that love you and that you love in return. Even if you don't understand WHY they love you so much, all that matters is they do.
To edit, yes some peeps do have a different view on things but it's also opinions. But like I said, people who gone through the same feelings will understand. :)
Wish I could favorite this. You are awesome, no matter what. Never forget this.
Is that cool?
Trust me, I know. It's worse for me because the first time I ever felt better from depression was when I just stopped being sad. It WAS that easy, and thought it was that easy for others too, but I was also young and in an environment where it was possible to think like that. I realize now that it's not that easy for some people because there comes a point where life is too much and it drains your health, and there is the risk of chemical imbalance which can happen for a wide variety of reasons. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. It wasn't that easy any more.
I understand what a piss-off it is for some people to just "be happy" when your smile is always fake and you always have to say "I'm fine, I'm okay" when you know so well that you're really not. But then there's that little voice, it's small, but I think everyone has it, and it tells you that you'll be okay. I don't know what that little voice is, but I want people to hear it, amp it up and make it roar and listen to it like it's the best song they've heard and then share that with the world. ;_;
It takes a lot to put myself out there... What is it like when you reach a point like yours? Does the fear go away?
I like this. it seems quite a few people responding don't really get it, but thats fine.
Please continue!
I think it's a matter of telling yourself to be brave. :) I do a lot of things I'm afraid of because I don't want my anxiety to take away from the pleasures in life. We all deserve to be happy, especially you! :D It's scary, but we're all in it together.
have a lighthearted approach to life, and things are a lot easier to deal with if you literally - if I might quote a classic movie - "walk on the wild side and laugh in the face of danger, AHAHAHA."
But i get the physical symptoms are just too much sometimes. I get that. But if you can still walk, and you can breathe fine, do it. Don't put your health at risk, but even if you're scared, as long as you can take that step, DO IT. It will change your life! :D
(and it's totally fine, I'm 100% okay with people not understanding. it's not my fault if I tried my best. )
The best thing I ever did for myself was getting a retail job (LOL). When I got my job at a pet store I was terrified to tears. I was afraid to answer phones, talk to strangers, use the register.
But now (2 years) I am so much better, I discovered a side of myself I never knew existed just by pushing through what I thought was impossible because of my fear. I am actually the best salesperson in the store right now! Like wtfuu??
So far however, it does seem like a never-ending battle. There are always new obstacles that need to be overcome.
I'm not trying to bore anyone to death, but its just my example of what "fighting" can actually do!
so, YOU are absolutely right! Keep writing! =D
My closest friends and supportive family are the most precious things this life has given me - they don't tell me I'm not trying hard enough. They see when I'm struggling and hold out their hand, helping me through my struggle. They remind me of all the good parts of who I am which helps give me the confidence to keep on with the swimming. I feel like if you can be that for someone, you are doing one of the most important things you could ever do in your life. I really don't think people don't want to help themselves - I think some people are so lost they have no idea where or how to start and having people constantly turning away from them cements it into an almost impenetrable wall of pain which is then reflected in their behaviour. I think it takes someone very special to figure these folks out and help them help themselves but I think very few are a lost cause.
--
I think it's super important to embrace anxiety and come to understand it for what it truly is. If emotion is our subjective interpretations of physiological sensations that we each experience, then anxiety is, by essence, an overreaction of a loving and benevolent process. It wants to take care of us, but its confused (or rather, the dissonance between mind and body confuses us!) It's not its fault... It doesn't know that it's impinging on our quality of life, or why we're trying to expose and attack it; all it knows is that it's doing its best to keep us safe. Sometimes the body is unhealthy, and that part of our brain is ill-equipped... but even if we let our bodies go to hell, that part of us is still on the lookout, trying to keep us safe.
Don't fight anxiety in the literal sense, because if you fight yourself there will be a constant division within you. It can lead to onset of entirely different problems altogether. If you engage the boss fight without knowing the mechanics, you'll probably lose most (or all) of the hearts... because there's shitty bars covering the door (like wtf?) after you enter the room </3. If you force yourself to fight against some scary unknown, to try and vanquish or build a tolerance to it, you will wake up dreading each new day - those self-imposed shitty bars - and what you know you need to endure again and again. It's this process of anticipation that exacerbates severe anxiety.
So long as you know all of this, and hold that part of you which causes the anxiety close to yourself, then you'll simply never freak out or buckle under the pressure. I can attest to this after the longest period of stagnancy, and in saying that, knowing the mechanics is only one half of the solution. The other involves taking the initiative to make a change. X3
Some of us lack one, or the other, or both... but having someone to take your hand and drag you around places is a monumental asset. Don't downplay, or take this for granted, because even the scariest shit becomes something amusing or funny when you're not physically alone. We're all social creatures at our core, (yes, even us introverts).
the "want to change" is the biggest thing of all though. It's not just a matter of "Oh, yeah, I'd like to change", you have to really WANT it. There's zero improvement without this. Some people relish self-victimization, but sadly, garnering sympathy and special treatment from others won't enact a process of desired self-improvement.
--
Anxiety we do to ourselves. Depression is done to us. A multimodal approach helps with the former, which is 100% curable; whereas the latter is incurable, but really only requires knowledge of the underlying condition, it can be remedied instantly if addressed correctly. Cutting this here, it's far too easy to just keep on typing.
There are thousands upon thousands of self help books, medically trained personnel and support groups, charities and awareness campaigns that will collectively already cover the content you want to try and cover, so people can hear how they should handle it from all those other sources, but what there isnt is a personal story from you which could help them access those other materials, try new things while ultimately avoiding a critical backlash aimed at you trying to help.
I hope that makes sense! I don't want to deter you from wanting to help, just maybe suggesting a way to tweak this to better suit you.
Y'know, it's funny to me that you posted this today because I needed to hear exactly this right the fuck now. It's only been today that I decided to retake the steps to building relationships in my life after a major panic attack a few months ago put a cold hard death stomp to all the progress I'd been making and the relationships I'd been building.
And yeah, living with mental disease is hard, and it can be hard to build relationships when talking to another human being makes you literally feel like you're gonna throw up, but you gotta ask yourself what you really want; do you want to be a hermit throwing your art off the top of a mountain and hope in vain that it reaches people? Or do you want to make connections, build friendships, be a part of a community and share the beautiful fruits of your labor with others?
Cuz apparently, the latter's actually possible! And to get there sometimes you need to do when every molecule in your body wants you to "don't". And hell, who's to say where you'll be in a year's time if you take those steps now? I know I'm better off now than a year ago and I hope to be even better a year from now, and even better than that in two years, etc etc. And maybe in a few years I can talk to someone I admire without feeling like such a piece of shiiiiit. Who knows, I may even get that elusive conversation with you one day! XD
Also; I'm really glad that I'm writing all this shit down because I'm going to need to remember that I said this and that I believe this in like two weeks when I'd rather throw myself off a building than do a goddamn skype chat.
TLDR: Cool story, bro. *brickd*
friends that care about me.
I felt ignored, I looked at my art and I was thinking that it's disgusting, I insulted some friends, I tried to draw but I couldn't.
Thanks for that journal, it's funny because a friend sent the link of this journal on a Skype chat I have with some friends, and then I've seen the link.
I was thinking if I should click it, but I was so curious that I wanted to see what was behind this link, and I found this journal.
Thank you very much.
Here's an example I came up with while reading your post. Something simple, almost effortless, would appeal to artists who feel they're in a slump or don't want to feel pressured.
"Draw a circle on anything, with anything. On paper with a pencil, for example, or on yourself with a Sharpie. It doesn't have to be perfectly round; just make sure it's unbroken."
Circles are symbolic of the cyclic thinking we all fall into, as well as a sense of wholeness. The word "unbroken" is important, as well, as the artist could take the circle to represent themselves - not necessarily perfect, but still a whole being. Nothing is missing. They have all the tools they need to get started within themselves. Here's an article on circles from a Zen perspective that you could use to expand on the exercise: http://www.modernzen.org/enso.htm
This is useful not only in letting people have a creative outlet for their suffering, but also in giving them something physical and tangible to work with. Depression and anxiety aren't illnesses we can see with our eyes; we merely feel them, and notice whatever physical repercussions they may have later. To have something you can touch and look at helps people feel like it's "real."
I'm not a psychologist, nor am I an experienced artist. I just know from experience that if you're trying to connect with a certain demographic, it pays to try to appeal to them from their point of view.
It sounds like a lot of those experiences made you stronger.