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Finally! Something other than apathy!
10 years ago
As of late, I've been viewing the mess of my life with an eye of, "It'll get better later," instead of, "What can I do now?". I have barely cared, because I have been so stepped on, how could anything be good for me in the long run? Well, I just woke up at 5:30am with the feeling of, "Let's clean today, the room looks dirty." It may seem a bit... small and useless of a thought to y'all, but my previous thought was, "If I clean the clothes and make a path, I should be able to stand it." Kind of a 'idgaf' attitude, no?
Well, not today!
Finally! I am just waiting for my mate to wake up so I can flick those lights on and finally, FINALLY, get to work on something that has been dragging me down for a few weeks due to myself not wanting to do anything about it. Finally!
I know, I know. "But Smiley, cleaning isn't really that exciting! Why make a big deal out of it?"
BECAUSE.
Because I have basically been the mother of my siblings ever since they were born and kept my house spotless, cooked, did laundry, helped with homework, all at the ages of 4 and up, I kind of hit a stage of, "who cares," without fully realizing that is what I had done! So for me to be sitting here and not looking at the place with disgust over what lay strewn about, but excitement over being able to get things organized and cleaned up, it's actually a good step!
I've been working my way through a few issues here. My unemployment, my self-confidence, my laziness/apathy, and my loss of creativity. It's been hard. I don't want to get out of bed at all, or do much more than snack and watch netflix because, why not? I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm not feeling well, etc. But, after a few friends and my amazing mate started to encourage me... I've been making progress!
I've been starting drawings for no reason other than they would be lovely gifts and I want to draw. I've bought books on how to improve upon my art. I've been reading more and more so that I can improve my vocabulary for my writing as well as help me work through some story blocks. I've been cleaning in small bits and limiting my useless time.
And finally...
I've got the spark to be useful on my own.
I feel like crying. But only after I've cleaned and such.
Another early morning rant that makes no sense. Sorry, but I've got to get all my thoughts out before I explode or just write them off. Ah well. You don't have to read it if you don't wish to.
Well, not today!
Finally! I am just waiting for my mate to wake up so I can flick those lights on and finally, FINALLY, get to work on something that has been dragging me down for a few weeks due to myself not wanting to do anything about it. Finally!
I know, I know. "But Smiley, cleaning isn't really that exciting! Why make a big deal out of it?"
BECAUSE.
Because I have basically been the mother of my siblings ever since they were born and kept my house spotless, cooked, did laundry, helped with homework, all at the ages of 4 and up, I kind of hit a stage of, "who cares," without fully realizing that is what I had done! So for me to be sitting here and not looking at the place with disgust over what lay strewn about, but excitement over being able to get things organized and cleaned up, it's actually a good step!
I've been working my way through a few issues here. My unemployment, my self-confidence, my laziness/apathy, and my loss of creativity. It's been hard. I don't want to get out of bed at all, or do much more than snack and watch netflix because, why not? I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm not feeling well, etc. But, after a few friends and my amazing mate started to encourage me... I've been making progress!
I've been starting drawings for no reason other than they would be lovely gifts and I want to draw. I've bought books on how to improve upon my art. I've been reading more and more so that I can improve my vocabulary for my writing as well as help me work through some story blocks. I've been cleaning in small bits and limiting my useless time.
And finally...
I've got the spark to be useful on my own.
I feel like crying. But only after I've cleaned and such.
Another early morning rant that makes no sense. Sorry, but I've got to get all my thoughts out before I explode or just write them off. Ah well. You don't have to read it if you don't wish to.
si13ntpaws
~si13ntpaws
That's absolutely fantastic!!! Congrats on getting that feeling again! ^ ^ best of luck with your future endeavors and I hope someone sees the importance in you and gives you a paycheck for it (: godspeed to you and don't forget to smell the flowers and enjoy the little things in life!
