So, life is kinda crazy but settling now. I have a stable home. I have, well, conflicting feelings, became my cousins children's father figure. I love it but at the same time hate it. I'd always wanted to live with my best friend one day. Sadly, I have to convince my cousin to leave with me.

I am pretty depressed. It's more to do with finding my life partner, my kindred spirit. I have been fine for years, without love. Well, love of a partner. I have the love of children, as if they were my own. The love of friends and sisters. One of them being not-by-blood family. ^_^

I often feel like and extra piece to the puzzle. The one nobody wants to touch because they remember the cat chewed it up, ate it and horked it out. You wanted to throw the soggy grossness out, but your mother put it on a shelf to dry. The one you cringe when you see it in the box. Tatty, wrinkled, chewed and water damaged. It now has no place or purpose, no longer able to fill its' own purpose as backup. It can't fit where the original piece does. Maybe I have no soulmate or kindred spirit?

Nobody wants to hold my leash because I am too broken. Nobody wants a nonsexual pet. Maybe it's also that I am fat? I lose my weight slowly. I don't know why it doesn't go faster.

I'm not sorry I am myself. I'm weird, goofy, fat. I am masculine, but genderfluid. I'm panromantic, the sexual as I tend to get is rp and art. This seems to be my issue, sex is the be all end all for everyone.