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Just a bit of self-reflection, move along
10 years ago
General
More and more often I find myself wondering why I'm even here. I don't really relate as a "furry" in the traditional sense, even though I like anthropomorphic creatures with human-like intellect and emotions. If I could, I'd happily be an amiable anthro gator in a heartbeat-- I've grown tired of being a homo sapiens for various reasons. But that's a different story for another time...
I take a good gander around this site and other various furry communities, and I can't help to question whether or not I belong in them. I don't really have any kinks, as far as I know. I'm shy, reserved, oftentimes gullible and feeble. I'm prone to being bullied and heckled by those high-and-mighty types, or just looked down upon by those who truly have their shit together. More often than not, when I do meet new people on this site I'm always lectured or forced to indulge in whatever they want/like.
It's happened more times than I care to remember. One time, several years ago, some guy with a Yoshi OC of some sort approached me on MSN. It seemed like a good opportunity to make a new friend, so I obliged. Immediately, he wanted to RP with me-- in fact, that's how he opened the conversation. Sooner rather than later, I found myself forced into some inflation/weight gain situation. Naturally, I became frightened and angry. When I finally put my foot down to end that silly charade, he got indignant on me and left. That's when I first started to question my place on this fandom.
Fast-forward a few years later, I meet someone else who proved to be a nice and friendly fellow. Soon enough, though, I was roped into vore shenanigans with the guy... much to my reluctance. In order to make him happy, I obliged. Of course, that didn't last very long. He and I still keep in touch, albeit it's been a constantly rocky relationship.
Truth be told, I still get approached by other people asking about vore-ish things. Listen, guys: With all due respect, just because I like me some musclegut and chubby figures DOESN'T mean that I like vore, slob, or anything that normally involves the use of an oval office. If you're into these and other sorts of things, that's your business-- not mine. I still can't comprehend why people disrespect others like this and in many other ways...
And then there are the gamers. You'd think someone like me would get along with others whose main hobby is video games. Sadly, even that's been full of mishaps. Rather recently, someone approached me to play some Smash. I love Smash Bros-- it's one of my favorite games-- so of course I was excited to play! As far as these kinds of video games go, as long as I'm having fun with others I don't care whether I win or lose. Unfortunately, many people I get to play with ultimately lecture me on how to play the game and "git gud". It may be their thing to be godly at games, but that's just not for me. I'm neither competing for life or money, after all-- I just want to have a good time, and getting told I'm "playing it wrong" really hurts that self-esteem.
Long story short, my experience with the furry fandom has not been a pleasant one. I continue to stick around for the occasional fantastic piece of art or prose, and to keep in touch with my friends... hopefully making some new sensible pals in the process. Sadly, most of these friends have strayed a fair bit from me, to the point where I can't truly relate to them anymore. Every time I see them happy, I feel a Chex mix of joy, envy and detachment... joy from their happiness, envy from their accomplishments, and detachment from being unable to relate to them. It's not a fun feeling, trust me.
I just... I don't get it. What's my place in the fandom, or anywhere in general? Do I really belong here? Am I doing something wrong? These and more pressing questions haunt me every time I browse here... and I'm always at a complete loss to answer them.
...so all I can do is keep wandering and wondering.
I take a good gander around this site and other various furry communities, and I can't help to question whether or not I belong in them. I don't really have any kinks, as far as I know. I'm shy, reserved, oftentimes gullible and feeble. I'm prone to being bullied and heckled by those high-and-mighty types, or just looked down upon by those who truly have their shit together. More often than not, when I do meet new people on this site I'm always lectured or forced to indulge in whatever they want/like.
It's happened more times than I care to remember. One time, several years ago, some guy with a Yoshi OC of some sort approached me on MSN. It seemed like a good opportunity to make a new friend, so I obliged. Immediately, he wanted to RP with me-- in fact, that's how he opened the conversation. Sooner rather than later, I found myself forced into some inflation/weight gain situation. Naturally, I became frightened and angry. When I finally put my foot down to end that silly charade, he got indignant on me and left. That's when I first started to question my place on this fandom.
Fast-forward a few years later, I meet someone else who proved to be a nice and friendly fellow. Soon enough, though, I was roped into vore shenanigans with the guy... much to my reluctance. In order to make him happy, I obliged. Of course, that didn't last very long. He and I still keep in touch, albeit it's been a constantly rocky relationship.
Truth be told, I still get approached by other people asking about vore-ish things. Listen, guys: With all due respect, just because I like me some musclegut and chubby figures DOESN'T mean that I like vore, slob, or anything that normally involves the use of an oval office. If you're into these and other sorts of things, that's your business-- not mine. I still can't comprehend why people disrespect others like this and in many other ways...
And then there are the gamers. You'd think someone like me would get along with others whose main hobby is video games. Sadly, even that's been full of mishaps. Rather recently, someone approached me to play some Smash. I love Smash Bros-- it's one of my favorite games-- so of course I was excited to play! As far as these kinds of video games go, as long as I'm having fun with others I don't care whether I win or lose. Unfortunately, many people I get to play with ultimately lecture me on how to play the game and "git gud". It may be their thing to be godly at games, but that's just not for me. I'm neither competing for life or money, after all-- I just want to have a good time, and getting told I'm "playing it wrong" really hurts that self-esteem.
Long story short, my experience with the furry fandom has not been a pleasant one. I continue to stick around for the occasional fantastic piece of art or prose, and to keep in touch with my friends... hopefully making some new sensible pals in the process. Sadly, most of these friends have strayed a fair bit from me, to the point where I can't truly relate to them anymore. Every time I see them happy, I feel a Chex mix of joy, envy and detachment... joy from their happiness, envy from their accomplishments, and detachment from being unable to relate to them. It's not a fun feeling, trust me.
I just... I don't get it. What's my place in the fandom, or anywhere in general? Do I really belong here? Am I doing something wrong? These and more pressing questions haunt me every time I browse here... and I'm always at a complete loss to answer them.
...so all I can do is keep wandering and wondering.
Not that this really matters at the end of the day, if you're having such trouble getting along with other furries for various reasons. Furry or not, you're your own person. You're unique in your own way, and the way I've come to known you, you're nothing short of an amazing friend whom I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. If others decide to ditch you just because you're not into a certain kink (or any kink for that matter, in your case), then I truly believe that it's simply their loss.
At that, you shouldn't let people get to you so much when they try to lecture you. So what if you're not the best player in the world? You enjoy the games however you like, and others have no business telling you to 'git gud' and all that. I just fear that you might mistake some friendly advice as an attack to your skills though. If you don't want people giving you any kind of advice, then I think you should kindly tell them whenever they do so. If they turn sour on you after that, then that's on them.
At that.. I hope I haven't made you uncomfortable with my own fairly recent outing towards liking vorish stuff, and having other kinks. I know you don't like these things, so I always do my best not to bring these things up to you. But even outside of these things, I still always enjoy spending time with you, bud. Please don't ever think otherwise on that matter. You're still one of my dearest friends, and nothing's ever gonna change that!
Regardless, thanks for the reassurance. I know I won't ever stop pondering about these things, but you guys make it all the more meanwhile to keep going strong.
I think you're a furry, and you do belong here. But like any group, there are people who just aren't considerate of others or are just out there... but like them, you are your own unique individual. You can make friends here without having to participate in things you don't care for. Your a great guy, and that's what really matters. If someone can't see that, then it's their loss on what an amazing person they just missed out on being pals with.
I do my best to be a good friend, despite my limits. I just want people to understand that, and to basically like me for who I am. I acknowledge that it's impossible to have it that way 100% of the time, but I still want to try my best.
Anyway, I'm rambling on more than I need to. Thanks for your support and friendship, man. No words can express how much you guys mean to me.
That said, I never stop trying. I love myself for who I am, and I abhor being forced to be someone I'm not. If people can't respect that, they're just not worth my time. Simple as that.
Anyway, thank you for the kind words. I pray that things will look up for you, too!