Okay. So a few days ago, my companion  Bazookamoose and I were hanging out at his apartment, and we decide to watch movies. So I figure, why not try that hot new Twilight DVD that all the kids have been talking about?

Holy crap on a carp's back.

This movie was terrible. TERRIBLE. I cannot stress how bad this thing is. But for the estimated 4 people who read this journal, I think it's the fact that

THEY SPARKLE IN SUNLIIIIIIIGHHHTTT!

Now, I'e seen some oddball vampire variations. Underworld, even Ultraviolet, and I thought it couldn't get worse. But here we have a movie that removes a fundamental weakness of the classic monster. To put it in perspective, imagine a movie called "Attack of the two eyed Cyclops" and you pretty much know what I'm going for here.

There is once scene that is the defining moment of how much I hate Twilight. Edward Cullen, the fanged male lead is taking Bella Swan, the lesser deity of Mary Sue to show proof he's a Vampire. So he steps into this sunbeam, making half of his entire body glitter with MS-paint quality Special Effects. And he looks to her, and with a serious face, he says:

"This is the face of a killer!"

'Zooka Moose and I had to pause the movie while we spent the next ten full minutes laughing and screaming in a combination of hilarity and nerd rage.