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That crushing feeling of hopelessness...
10 years ago
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This message brought to you by The Weighted Companion Cube
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This message brought to you by The Weighted Companion Cube
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This is a vent journal in which I have only just barely restrained myself
I don't make these about just anything
You have been warned
I just worked on a character reference in Gimp for 6 hours straight covering every little thing an artist might need to know about my thylacine character Teela to make it easier to explain everything about him to others. It went into a lot of very specific stuff like color coded regions showing where his fur stretches the most from swallowing prey and causes the skin to show through his fur, areas his fur thins to skin naturally, views of what his navel looks like both normally and prey bulged, side views of how much it sticks out in either state, his colors, how wide his jaws can open, more naughty details found between his legs...a whole lot of stuff that is immensely helped with a visual aid.
But then when I tried to save it, Gimp crashed.
Drawing is an excruciating exercise for me. It's been at least a year since the last time I did it, and probably at least two years since I did it seriously. I can't just recover from this; the investment cost from myself was too taxing. I can laugh off when I lose a few hours worth of writing because that's my thing, but this? This feels like something precious to me just died and I'll never get it back. My precious creation has been ripped away from me forever. The first thing I have ever had even remotely resembling a reference sheet, and for a character that's never been in any art before and is on the verge of being in more. I was all excited and ready to submit this to an artist I want to commission a several page vore comic from involving Teela, and every ounce of my free time before having to go to bed for another soul-sucking work day in retail has been expended already. All the more painful when I did an hour of overtime before coming home and have to ask myself if it might not have crashed if I'd come home at the normal time and worked on it then. And it's all gone, all for naught. I am nowhere closer to getting this thing moving and feel no drive to even try such a monumental task a second time.
I only hope this enraged feeling of hopelessness leaves me by the time I get up, I can't be going to work feeling like this; it's bad enough I didn't get to do anything relaxing before I have to go back to the daily grind again. There won't be any risk of sleep deprivation today, oh no. It's going to be very easy this time to drop my head onto the pillow and shut it all out. Goodbye, my reference sheet.
I don't make these about just anything
You have been warned
I just worked on a character reference in Gimp for 6 hours straight covering every little thing an artist might need to know about my thylacine character Teela to make it easier to explain everything about him to others. It went into a lot of very specific stuff like color coded regions showing where his fur stretches the most from swallowing prey and causes the skin to show through his fur, areas his fur thins to skin naturally, views of what his navel looks like both normally and prey bulged, side views of how much it sticks out in either state, his colors, how wide his jaws can open, more naughty details found between his legs...a whole lot of stuff that is immensely helped with a visual aid.
But then when I tried to save it, Gimp crashed.
Drawing is an excruciating exercise for me. It's been at least a year since the last time I did it, and probably at least two years since I did it seriously. I can't just recover from this; the investment cost from myself was too taxing. I can laugh off when I lose a few hours worth of writing because that's my thing, but this? This feels like something precious to me just died and I'll never get it back. My precious creation has been ripped away from me forever. The first thing I have ever had even remotely resembling a reference sheet, and for a character that's never been in any art before and is on the verge of being in more. I was all excited and ready to submit this to an artist I want to commission a several page vore comic from involving Teela, and every ounce of my free time before having to go to bed for another soul-sucking work day in retail has been expended already. All the more painful when I did an hour of overtime before coming home and have to ask myself if it might not have crashed if I'd come home at the normal time and worked on it then. And it's all gone, all for naught. I am nowhere closer to getting this thing moving and feel no drive to even try such a monumental task a second time.
I only hope this enraged feeling of hopelessness leaves me by the time I get up, I can't be going to work feeling like this; it's bad enough I didn't get to do anything relaxing before I have to go back to the daily grind again. There won't be any risk of sleep deprivation today, oh no. It's going to be very easy this time to drop my head onto the pillow and shut it all out. Goodbye, my reference sheet.
Cue childrage, swearing, screaming, crying, hateflinging, and being alone with those feelings for the rest of the night.
To this day I've never seriously played with Legos because of that. The pain of loss on a creation, especially something you may not be good at, but are improving on, can be soul crushing. I hope it doesn't leave a lasting impact on you like it did to me though, man. The good news is that you still have some idea of what it is that you're trying to make. You also have the knowledge now that if you try this again, more saves are needed.
Stay strong, my friend. And hey, if the stress gets too much, lemme know and we'll get you stuffed nice and full for a good time.