Over the weekend I had my grandmother say something extremely rude, and very hurtful. Now I am usually pretty satisfied with who I am. But for some reason all weekend she had been tearing me down. Yes I work at a tanning salon, and am not sure anymore what I would like to do with my life. I enjoy it. I like the challenge of winning over a customer, I enjoy educating them on lotions and safety, and I also like to sit and listen when they need an ear.

I have worked there for about over a month, and so far I am leading in sales. And the customers like me. My manager has talked to me about this. So I shared with my grandmother. All she could do was tear it all down. Tell me how that's not a real job, and explain to me how I need to stop being lazy with school. And that being in a Community College for as long as I have is embarrassing. At least I'm still in college.

Now I took it. Shoved my hurt feelings aside, and picked myself up. I did not allow her words to take away the pride I feel in myself. But when she looked at me, in front of all her friends, on the 4th of July, and told me I would me prettier and more beautiful if I lost weight. It killed me. I take time putting on makeup, and doing my hair. And I just about lost it. All I could do was smile and nod. On the inside I felt like I was being stabbed with a knife.

I'm just so tired of trying.