For a bit now, I've been thinking on letting Ranna go.


Right now, she's bringing way too many bad memories. When I first ironed her out, I was still in highschool, and I was with my Ex. She helped me feel like I can be who I wished to be. She helped me pretend to be happy, and that I am not a failure. She adapted with me, she went from a straight black wolf with yellow eyes, to something more than that. She was a mutt, she was a mixed breed, and she had confidence. She didn't care that she isn't a pure bred. She had enough love for her friends, she was protective, and she was more out of her "rabbit hole" than her real counterpart. Hell, I even made her skinnier than the real me!


She had droopy ears. You'd think it was because they were heavy, nope, it was because she ended up reflecting how depressed I was IRL. They hung to the side, not all the way up, or down, like she was struggling to show she was happy. After a while, they just kept feeling like they are getting bigger, thus being too heavy to exactly perk up enough. Even though I sorta loved the idea of having floppy-dopy ears, the droop's origin is sad.

I've ended up realizing, that I wanted to make an affectionate picture of Ranna and her beloved. Not just friendly, silly pictures with her friends. Affectionate pictures. Loving Pictures. But each and every time. I ended up afraid. Scared of something that shouldn't have bothered me now. There are several pieces in my folders right now of her where she is embracing her beloved, on a date with her beloved. I craved to draw such loving works. And yet I am still afraid. Why? Because of my EX, of course!

I can't believe that I am stuck in the rut and was made to feel that my enjoyment in this community was shameful. I was ashamed when I tried to share that I enjoyed pinups, and made some money off it. Hell, any mention off of this was met with a not pleasing response. I was encouraged to draw the works when the inspirations hit NOW. After I left him, AFTER I freed myself from that man. I still end up becoming chicken. HELL, I want to do smut of Ranna and her love, and post it without fear. What am I so afraid of? That he'd see it now? WHO THE FRIG CARES!?

That man made me a doll. He made me deeper into my shell than I was before. He made me feel like shit. I was so happy that I left him and moved on. I became content with what I've had after leaving him.

-breaths-

I need to feel good with Ranna again. or, I'll just let her go for good. Right now, its doesn't feel good enough to do anything with her, anymore.

I'll mostly use Des and maybe a new furry character to replace Ranna for a bit