I won't apologize for something I'm not sorry for. If they ask politely for me to call them what they identify as, sure, I'll refer them as such, but demanding an apology for it? I have too much self respect to bend down to that level, due to a very overlooked mistake.

That wasn't really the point of the journal but each to their own! It's just basic manners to me, then again I am Very British and I apologise for just about everything.

(I'm not sure what self respect has to do with it either)

imo, and also depending on the situation: When you apologize to someone who demands it, and you honestly feel like you shouldn't, displays to others that you're not willing to stand up for yourself. That's where the self respect comes in. Maybe I missed your message, but it's just I'm kind of annoyed that when I say him or her to someone that I myself recognize physically as such, I get a startling rude reaction for calling that person said pronoun. I feel like I shouldn't oblige because of the way they came across. Political correctness doesn't come with mind reading.

I agree with your point about people being assholes, I just meant that in general you shouldn't always judge a book by it's cover!

I don't think Evenfall meant apologize in the way of like... groveling or whatever you're implying. Just "whups, didn't know but I'll be sure to use the right ones in the future!" It's a casual apology - but TBH, especially if you've done it to a stranger, a casual "oops sorry, let me use the right ones" can go a long way because what you're doing is recognizing that you shouldn't assume what people's pronouns are and apologizing for doing so.

It's not about self respect or bending down to a level (honestly what are you even on about with that second point). When you make a mistake, intentional or not, you apologize. It doesn't have to be some big formal apology just something to let the other person know you're aware that you did something wrong!

And truthfully, 90% of the people who ask you to call them by a different pronoun that what you used... they're not going to ~demand~ an apology. It was probably hard/scary/nerve-wracking enough to even bring it up in the first place so don't be a dick about it. Seriously. The amount of flack people get for asking others to use different pronouns is so incredibly massive that just being nice about will go a long way in helping people feel more confident and comfortable. Be nice.

If I make a mistake, I own up to it. There's not a need to apologize.

See, I view owning up to a mistake as a way of apology. Different cultural backgrounds I guess but whatever.

^^ if you've owned up to your mistake, that's pretty much always good enough for me! To me, it's pretty much the same thing, even if it isn't "BAWW SO SOORRY!"

... really just the fact that people are trying their best to use my preferred pronouns/ treat me like a human being is generally awesome ;D

http://www.diffen.com/difference/I_.....vs_I_Apologize

Out of habit I usually start with them they their, which is how my dad taught me because you never know. In 10 years service or retail hell I also learned that you refer to a babin as baby till you are corrected or if not the pronoun is baby.

My favorite part of the fandom is people ask before touching you.

Ha ha, that's a greeat habit. They/their is perfectly acceptable for use. i also do my best to ask before touching. Especially if someone is in a fursuit, it's hard for them to see and know what is going on. I know most suits are happy to hug, but it's good to give them a heads up so you don't startle anyone or catch them at a bad time XD

I agree with you. Most people believe it or not do actually want to call someone by correct pronouns and are more than happy to make sure they are doing such to avoid faux pas and awkwardness. I generally use "their" as a default until I know otherwise, and it's also grammatically correct. Goodness knows I get called male as much as female (which is fiiiiiiine by me!) and I don't want people to feel uncomfortable.

...However, I've noticed there is a rise in a propensity for people to viciously jump down someone else's throat at a simple pronoun mistake. Instead of politely saying "Hey I'm a guy, could you please use "he?" I'd appreciate it!" I'm seeing so many instances (mostly online, although I've heard from friends they've gotten it in real life) where someone would instead assume it must be intentional malice and knee-jerk react accordingly. Under no circumstances will I apologize to someone who acts like an offended child in a playground. I will not respect someone or take someone seriously if they're acting half their age and making such gross assumptions at someone's character simply because they made an honest mistake.

You said it better than I did.

I agree with your stance and your posts as well, so I'd call it a mutual feeling in that case!

Wow.. I've made pronoun mistakes in the past (online and in person), and never had anyone get angry over it. I wonder how often individuals become vicious vs how often a polite response is given.

I suppose you're one of the lucky ones then! I'm glad to hear there are still plenty of people that respond in an appropriate, reasonable manner, so I hope it continues to happen to you. No one should be yelled at for making an honest and innocent mistake. I've heard and experienced one too many of the opposite to assume everyone shall behave like that though, unfortunately.

Thanks, it's really not hard. I have trouble remembering some of the non- general use pronouns so I tend to just grab They/their as my default. I appreciate CorvusFae's point of not feeding the troll/attention seeking martyrs, but do use the correct pronouns when you find out, regardless.

Respecting someone's identity is a basic human courtesy we should all strive for. :)