hey everyone
i just wanted to apologize for being so quiet lately

i've been very unprofessional and haven't noted my commissioners of my down time
even with how ill i've been lately, this shouldn't be an excuse lmao;;; ;__:''

i hope y'all can forgive me

i've just been having a lot of issues with my mental health
and now my physical health too

i literally just got back from the hospital/E.R
the reason for the visit was because of my sjogrens
it's been causing me so much pain on my entire body that i needed to get a quick fix so that i could function a bit better for a little while

and on top of all of this
it was making me feel extremely suicidal

prior to this, though (and still currently)
things have been really stressful here at the house
as in,
me and my partner have been dealing with emotional abuse (and other serious family issues)

more so on me,
to the point that i was just so ready to commit

i also went into a severe psychotic episode at one point because it was all too much
and i normally don't share these intimate details on here, but
i was hallucinating severely and talking to people that weren't even there... ;/

i'm still having issues with that currently

idk,
there's just so much rn,
and i'm just trying to get everything situated on my part
i am trying my best not to jump to the refund remedy (i do this all the time when i get this ill, because i just lose interest in drawing, period)
i don't want to give into that tempting idea
however, i don't want to make anyone wait too, /too/ long

i have my psych evaluation coming up this monday, though
which is very good,
since i'm having a really hard time even functioning and taking care of myself (eating, hygiene, getting out of bed, etc)

bluhh,
still, though
i feel really bad about this lmfao
i don't even owe many commissions at all,
but i still feel like these are excuses, despite the severity of the big picture

i'm going to try my best to get the ball rolling soon, though


and o H
also, me and ely found some kittens with their momma this past tuesday,

just another reason we've also been tied up
they're so cute.. holy poop
maybe i'll upload some photos of them ;o:

anyways,
i appreciate everyone's patience with me
like i mentioned,
i'm gonna try my best to get things fixed up as soon as possible
so that i can work on all of the owed art

i'm sure y'all are ready to get your art
and i desperately want to draw/get my motivation running again 6_9


btw,
sorry if this journal seems all scatterbrained.repetitive (and... whiny)
i'm loaded on pain meds rn orz

thank you, sm
for everything, especially the patience
this is really helping me not to break more aaa


but uhM..
here's hoping .. . loL ;____: