Today I saw roughly 20 vultures circling above my house. I have decided that this is because due to my nature of spending my days slumped in my computer chair, they must view me as a corpse and be preparing to feast. I have taken to wearing a small wrist band with my name written on it in biro as an identifier for what remains of me after dinner.

For all of you out there who would enjoy my continued existence, I apologise.