FA+
Shop
What it's like to be trans
10 years ago
Trans people have thick skin. It's a requirement for us not immediately committing suicide. We can take a decent amount of abuse in the form of verbal insults, hatefull looks, and "jokes," that if were about ANY other thing. Gay, Race, Women, Animals. Would make you vomit.
But the problem is the build up of these things. A mountian can be destroyed by a spring with enough time. When this is your life it gets to you. It ALWAYS does. We just pretend that it doesn't.
I don't really do these but ... Fuck it.. Trigger warning. Below is NOT going to be nice...
Here are examples of what we have to deal with and "grin and bear it." I'll post the equivalent for people who are not trans.
Misgendering: Sir, He, Him. these pronouns.
Imagine that every day. Every person you saw called you Eustice. Every time you tell them your actual name they call you ... Eustice. You spell your name for them and they read it as Eustice. You get a sign that says "Hello My name is...." and they still call you Eustice. every person you meet in the day. That person who took your food order for lunch. The people at the grocery store. The person at the gasstation. The customers you interact with at your job. Your boss, Your co-workers. And even a couple members of your family ALL DO THIS. How much of that could you take before going insane?
Now... let's take this a step further. You hit a breaking point and yell. "MY NAME IS NOT EUISTICE FOR FUCKS SAKE!" And you get fired from your job... Because your name is not Eustice. You try to get a new job and they don't hire you because your name is not Eustice.
You confide in some one who you think you're pretty close with and they say... "Well.. i mean you DO kinda look like a Eustice..."
Your mother or father kicks you out of the house because you insist your name is not Eustice.
That sounds crazy doesn't it. All of that just because your name isn't Eustice. THAT is misgendering.
Next up... The insults, and worse.
Let's go deeper. Again Warning... This is not going to be a fun read.
Insults: Let's sling some equivalent insults shall we?
A random person whom you have never met walks up to you. They look you over and say.... "You know what i think? I think you deserve to die. You are everythign that is wrong with this world/society. If you continue to exist you will corrupt our children and burn our cities to the ground. Why don't you do us all a favor and kill yourself."
You get on the bus, And the person sitting across from you says the same thing.
A woman at work says that to you too. And this happens every day. How long would you last?
"You know it would just be easier if you would accept that your name is Eustice. I mean wouldn't it just be simpler that way? It's fine if you want to call yourself somethign else in private. But why don't you just go by Eustice in public?"
Your family says that to you. As do your friends. So do people you go to to get some support. This includes Psychologists, Doctors, Counselors, Or what ever else.
"So.... your name is Eustice right?"
"um... No..."
"but it USED to be Eustice though."
"no.... it never was"
"So... your not Eustice?"
"yes... i've been telling you that for an hour."
"So do you still have Eustice as a middle name or...?"
This is what questions about being trans feel like some times.
That friend who's been supper supportive of you not being Eustice introduces you to their friends.
"Hey so this is ____/Eustice my transname best friend"
Let's use a different example.
"Hey so this is (what ever your name is) They have a tiny penis and masturbates once a day."
"Hey so this is (What ever your name is). They have this super weird looking vagina and they're going to have a period in 6 days."
This is the more internal things. Again Trigger warning or ... whatever.
You look at every one you pass and wonder if they are secretly thinking that your name is Eustice. because for your entire life every one has been insisting that it is. No matter what you try to do to convince people other wise.
For real though. THESE are actual thoughts that run through my head every day of my life.
"I really hope that while i'm sitting at this bus stop late at night, that one of these people walking by me doesn't decide to murder me."
"I really don't want to walk home since i might get raped, The person won't find what they are looking for, And stabs/shoots me right there. If only i had a vagina and ONLY had to worry about being Raped. That would be so much easier."
THAT is what it is like being trans.
But the problem is the build up of these things. A mountian can be destroyed by a spring with enough time. When this is your life it gets to you. It ALWAYS does. We just pretend that it doesn't.
I don't really do these but ... Fuck it.. Trigger warning. Below is NOT going to be nice...
Here are examples of what we have to deal with and "grin and bear it." I'll post the equivalent for people who are not trans.
Misgendering: Sir, He, Him. these pronouns.
Imagine that every day. Every person you saw called you Eustice. Every time you tell them your actual name they call you ... Eustice. You spell your name for them and they read it as Eustice. You get a sign that says "Hello My name is...." and they still call you Eustice. every person you meet in the day. That person who took your food order for lunch. The people at the grocery store. The person at the gasstation. The customers you interact with at your job. Your boss, Your co-workers. And even a couple members of your family ALL DO THIS. How much of that could you take before going insane?
Now... let's take this a step further. You hit a breaking point and yell. "MY NAME IS NOT EUISTICE FOR FUCKS SAKE!" And you get fired from your job... Because your name is not Eustice. You try to get a new job and they don't hire you because your name is not Eustice.
You confide in some one who you think you're pretty close with and they say... "Well.. i mean you DO kinda look like a Eustice..."
Your mother or father kicks you out of the house because you insist your name is not Eustice.
That sounds crazy doesn't it. All of that just because your name isn't Eustice. THAT is misgendering.
Next up... The insults, and worse.
Let's go deeper. Again Warning... This is not going to be a fun read.
Insults: Let's sling some equivalent insults shall we?
A random person whom you have never met walks up to you. They look you over and say.... "You know what i think? I think you deserve to die. You are everythign that is wrong with this world/society. If you continue to exist you will corrupt our children and burn our cities to the ground. Why don't you do us all a favor and kill yourself."
You get on the bus, And the person sitting across from you says the same thing.
A woman at work says that to you too. And this happens every day. How long would you last?
"You know it would just be easier if you would accept that your name is Eustice. I mean wouldn't it just be simpler that way? It's fine if you want to call yourself somethign else in private. But why don't you just go by Eustice in public?"
Your family says that to you. As do your friends. So do people you go to to get some support. This includes Psychologists, Doctors, Counselors, Or what ever else.
"So.... your name is Eustice right?"
"um... No..."
"but it USED to be Eustice though."
"no.... it never was"
"So... your not Eustice?"
"yes... i've been telling you that for an hour."
"So do you still have Eustice as a middle name or...?"
This is what questions about being trans feel like some times.
That friend who's been supper supportive of you not being Eustice introduces you to their friends.
"Hey so this is ____/Eustice my transname best friend"
Let's use a different example.
"Hey so this is (what ever your name is) They have a tiny penis and masturbates once a day."
"Hey so this is (What ever your name is). They have this super weird looking vagina and they're going to have a period in 6 days."
This is the more internal things. Again Trigger warning or ... whatever.
You look at every one you pass and wonder if they are secretly thinking that your name is Eustice. because for your entire life every one has been insisting that it is. No matter what you try to do to convince people other wise.
For real though. THESE are actual thoughts that run through my head every day of my life.
"I really hope that while i'm sitting at this bus stop late at night, that one of these people walking by me doesn't decide to murder me."
"I really don't want to walk home since i might get raped, The person won't find what they are looking for, And stabs/shoots me right there. If only i had a vagina and ONLY had to worry about being Raped. That would be so much easier."
THAT is what it is like being trans.
What you have to keep in mind is that all this is new to people, only in recent years have people been able to change their physical genders, people are going to be confused, unsure and possibly VERY curious about it.
When someone asks: "So whats it like being a woman now?" Don't reply with "EXCUSE ME BUT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A WOMAN INSIDE A MANS BODY!" Reply with: "Well...actually I've always been a woman in my head, but my body was wrong, I've always been a woman, ever since birth, in here." and carefully explain it to them.
This is all a new, shocking thing for a lot of people, and generally older people are less receptive and will force that onto their children, so they will be unsure and weirded out too, it's a long path ahead but I'm sure that all the transgender people around the world will soon see a world where everyone understands what its about, it just needs time.
Consider your 'Eustice' scenario, it's not that they are being rude or callous to you, it's not that they don't like you, they just don't understand and thats absolutely fine. Of course if someone is abusive thats different, but the 'So your name is Eustice right?' scenario you pointed out is just someone confused and curious. So sit them down, talk to them about it and let them know whats right and wrong. If they don't understand, then maybe you should look for some new friends.
Either way, I'm sure you'll figure out some-way of making it easier to explain and broach.
In addition to not having all the answers it's tiresome just by sheer volume. A lot of the time it's rather safe to assume that i'm the first trans person that most people have ever met.
Even when these burdens aren't expressly present, As in the person is not actually asking the questions. The burden of carrying all of that around is not an easy one. Making it "easy" to explain and broach is something i already have a good grip in. But the nature of it. does not lend itself to the random retail customer conversations. As soon as I bring up one point that only creates 12 more questions.
Sometimes the questions are questions spawned Via Revelation like "How do you deal with this every day of your life?" "What is it like?" "I think i understand but i'm still confused about... x... y... or Z..." Or they are born from ignorance like: "So you're just a faggot then right?" "What do you mean your a lesbian... you're still a man?" etc etc.