Also, sorry for the too many journals again. >.<

Oh, good luck to you!

And there is no bravery in killing yourself, quite the opposite. You're brave enough to keep living, keep going)

Good luck to you!

no...that...just no, not for me. i'm scared to loose the tiny hope I have for a better life. scared to loose people I love, and most of all, scared that there is nothing after its done. i don't believe in afterlife, and that makes it the scariest thing there is... even suffering is better than nothing. i'm also thanatophobiac, among many other things. suicide is, for the better or worse, something I just don't dare to do.

I suppose this is my understanding of it. For some it may really be the easier choice, who have had very different experiences and past than me.

I'm just hoping that one day my art budget will align with you opening some slots, and I'll be able to have you draw something you find really inspiring. Would that include glowy reflective badgers? I hope so! :)

I think the most important thing is that you've been bringing your backlog down, and that you're keeping people aware and updated. That's one of the things that helps keep you off of AB. But really, don't be afraid of AB, there are people who have been on it, and it does -not- ruin your rep, as much as you might think. I've been following them since they started, and if by chance you ever made it there, the best things are to respond professionally and politely, explain what's happened, and make sure to rectify it.

BUT. AB is meant to be a last resort, and the mods prefer that the artist is contacted and dealt with directly first, rather than just running straight to AB. That's why it's heavily moderated and posts do not go up automatically, to make sure they're actually necessary. Plus when the artist handles it gracefully, you gain and maintain respect, and it's actually likely you'll get new customers when you can handle it, because you've proven respectable, ethical, and professional.

That said! I totally understand your fear of being posted there. You'll make it through, promise! We're all your cheerleaders XD

Also don't apologize for "too many" journals! It's not like you post tons a day lol.

I just have a habit of over-reacting things and panicking uncontrollably when anything happens. :/ so it would still make me at least temporary insane. I literally had to throw my phone out because a simple ring on it made me get a panic attack. I have my backlog rotating for almost 2 years, and it made me edgy in the past year to the extent where i just cant go out from my room anymore or have anything new around me without having nervous breakdowns. (I'm sure this will normalize when I finish up my works).

Yay I have a shark cheerleader! Scary but cool! Actually, looking at those sharp teeth, I k-k-kinda feel motivated to work more...eheh... please don't eat me o.o

Aaand this is my 3rd journal today ^^" not sure if sarcasm on your part...

Oh no I totally understand, I get in that mode too! I've always had really small queues, but sometimes I get really wound up over them too (I have anxiety hardcore, among other things), so I know that it can be awful no matter what, small or big. (I'm sure you're right, and I hope things go smoothly for you!)

Awww no! Don't be scared! I'm a super nice shark :D

No no, not sarcasm! I've done that many in a day myself. You're not posting 10-20 in a day, you're good :D (and even if you were, if they were important to you or someone else, it's still not that big a deal :) )

Super nice shark? Something smells fishy about that! hkkmm... KHM *cough*

And I'm also going to have only small queues after this big one is defeated. T^T

Aaahahahahaha omg. :D

Yeah I totally understand! Good luck with everything, dear <3

Nah, taking the easy way out ain't a fighter's way, think on that.

You're one, because you came this far without giving up, even when your world turns upside down, and i respect you deeply because of that

You're one hell of an artist, man. Keep doing your best. :3

Good luck! You still have all our love and support <3

I read this journal and I have to reply with a few things. Personally as a commissioner who had a few artists bail, and how it makes me feel, in which case some may agree with me.

When someone I pay art for bails on me and disappears. I feel scammed and hurt. Money doesn't grow on trees, we work hard for it. I have to take a lot of crap from my bosses, my clients, rough days, and overtime, and that causes me tons of stress to earn my hard earn dollars. I commission art because it makes me feel joy that I see something made for me, and it helps the artist out by being supported. The ones that bail out only causes more stress and disappointment. Its like waking up in the morning to see your car's tires removed, or coming home to see you've been robbed. It's just ruins your day.

While I do see why some artists do this. I understand that they go through stress, especially financial ones. Instead of going through a bank, taking out a loan, or one of those god awful payday loans for emergency funds, They take huge advantage of people here and try to take in more work than they can actually do in a timely matter. It only solves a short term problems financially at our expense while causing more problems as an artist's rep. Its pretty easy for them to ignore us and it won't effect their 'financial credit' at all.

Not only does it hurt the commissioner when they do this, but it hurts the entire community as a whole. I could of commissioned someone more honest, and they end up losing it because I gave it to someone else who decides to take it and not do the work.

While I consider myself a 'professional commissioner' (basically I will always pay and never give excuses on non-payment.), I also understand things happen. Life can be pretty unstable at times and delays should always be expected. If something takes months, or even over a year I will not mind it if the artist gives a good reason for such delay. The one thing I have to say though is COMMUNICATION is the key! When an artist contacts me before I do about any delays, it shows me that they care about my investment towards them and I can be very forgiving at time it takes. I understand that they are difficult commissioners who expect way too much out of the artist they pay for their work and can be difficult and stressful. But we all have to deal with that from time to time in any type of job or contract we take and how we handle it is what's important. But no matter what 'IGNORING' them is a big no no! The artist automatically just lose the argument or any merit he/she have in this direction.

But as I mention before that although I understand delays, I also do not want to be taken advantage of as well. Because of this the best approach for me is to be basically a very understanding, but at the same time a very firm commissioner. I have to treat it as a business transaction(since it really is), and deal with it as professionally as possible. I give them time if needed but state the importance of it, and if I am not happy I try to make it clear very assertively, but not being aggressive or angry about it (No one wants to be yelled at!)

I have to question if I feel sympathetic towards people who bail out because its less stressful for them to because of their real life problems. My answer is pretty simple: absolutely not! To be sympathetic towards this is to actually support this type of action, and there is just no way I can. Scamming people out of their money, even if its just for a cause to help save themselves from a dire situation is selfish, rude, and unprofessional. All the artist does is causes more displeasure and pain from others only to help satisfy their own problems by creating more for everyone else.

I commend you for not taking the easy way out, and acknowledging your debts towards others. It shows a lot about your character, and we appreciate it greatly!

Just want you to know that I APPRECIATE the delay in mine due to you wanting to get the hand and sword just perfect.

Rather than good enough, you're a perfectionist with both amazing skill and professionalism.

A lot of people see that. Take it easy, good art is worth a wait.

Did anyone tell Michelangelo to hurry up on that ceiling? ;)

The comments above reflect my thoughts perfectly so I won't repeat them :3 but know if you need anyone to chat with n whatnot, feel free to hit me up! I understand you completely!
Keep your chin up and keep moving forward!! :D