I just seem to be getting worse and worse. I have more bad days than good. I've started passing out and being really dizzy. I pretty much feel like death warmed over every day. Because of this I am rarely happy and spend a lot of time just wanting to lay down and die. I am possibly losing my job because I keep missing work due to not feeling well (and because of getting injured at work, getting attacked by a would-be-robber, and getting in a car accident). If I lose my job I don't know what I am going to do. I can't pay my bills, my mom can't help me because she has her own bills and such to take care of. And I don't expect Varaleo to help...it's not his place to. My mom keeps telling me to get on disability but I don't have any "physical" illnesses that I know of (I can't really afford to go to the doctor to get checked out) and so I don't feel like I am bad enough to get on disability. To me I feel like I should just suck it up and quit being a pussy. I'm not saying that other people that are on disability are weak or giving up....but I feel that if I were to get on disability, it would be like I am just giving up. I have so many hopes and dreams but I have not done a single one...and probably never will. If I wasn't afraid of death and being without my family and friends, I probably wouldn't be here anymore...