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[IMPORTANT] Life news + Happy Thanksgiving!
10 years ago
I encourage people struggling with mental illness to read (near the bottom) some recent experiences that I've gone through since I started branching out into the real world.
I got my first job about a week ago now, and despite it being my first, it's not part-time. I work pretty long full-time hours (including Sunday) in a grocery store Deli/Bakery and it's actually very exhausting. If you ever buy something from a store's Deli, be patient. The work back there is hard. But it pays pretty decent!
COMMISSIONERS/FUTURE COMMISSIONERS:
I hardly have time to work on owed art now, and I was already slow before. Anyone who is currently waiting or wanting a commission please tell me if you want to continue to wait (I am still willing to work) or want to get someone else to do it. This especially applies to people wanting full background comms. I come home very very tired and despite wanting to draw in the evening, I quite literally have no energy left in me. Hopefully I'll strengthen up after a while and I won't want to sleep immediately after getting home.
Now on to the Thanksgiving part, which coincides with my job. I hope you all who celebrate it are having a good holiday! I know I have endless things to be thankful for, and even if you don't think you do, there is always something. To all the people who feel hopeless today, just know that all of you are in my thoughts and prayers. Here's a song in the meantime: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4prcFEuUZkY
I am not typically a positive person, but realism consists of both negativity and positivity.
Remarkable things have happened since I started my job. I'm full of fear, doubt, and mental illness, but I can tell you firsthand that things do get better. However, it doesn't just happen automatically.
The first day of my job I was working in Bakery instead of Deli. I was the only one, besides the Bakery's manager. I got scared because she wasn't going to be there all the time, and Bakery work was complicated and full of responsibility. I had a panic attack, and thought I should quit.
Second day, I prayed, had another panic attack thinking I should quit again, but to my surprise, a lot of people showed up missing in Deli that day. Managers were angry, etc. Soon after that, the manager was talking to me and I mentioned I had some concerns. She took me back to her office and I told her how I was feeling about my position. She then told me she had already told me about moving me to Deli because people had left. My mood immediately changed, and I was good for the rest of the day.
Third day (yesterday), I had started being trained in Deli, and finally got to the part where I had to serve/talk to impatient customers and work equipment at a fast pace. I had ANOTHER panic attack, this one probably the worst yet. At that moment I knew I had to quit. I managed to survive until lunch, then texted my mom about how afraid I was. Almost IMMEDIATELY after that, I felt fine, like nothing had even happened. I went through the rest of the day feeling great, like I had been doing the work for weeks. After the day was over, I talked to my mom and asked her if she had prayed after I texted her. She said yes, she had.
God is good. I accepted the fact that I couldn't overcome my fear and problems by myself and every day I asked him to just take it all into his hands and boy He sure did. He is the only reason I was able to leave work everyday with a sound mind. He is what I'm thankful for. Sometimes I feel hopeless, but I have help.
You have help too. Keep going. Find a current, even if it's small, and ride it.
I hope you all have a very awesome day/night! ♥
On to other matters, even though I dont have anything coming from you, you are an artist I would wait for. I would like to get to know you better but I know how things can get heavy on you. I'm glad to hear that after all the struggles, you were able to find some peace of mind and leave work feeling good.
Hope you enjoy the holidays as well, have a good rest of the day
I always want to get to know people as well <3 I wish socializing wasn't so agonizingly hard for me haha.
You have a good day yourself!
I endured things when I was very young that messed with me. By the time I was a teenager I was on multiple illicit drugs, I had been diagnosed bipolar II, OCD, and there were other things (But I stopped going to the shrink). I had anxiety so bad, once I went into the emergency room because I was sure I was going to die.
They prescribed me so many drugs, lorezapam, neurontin, zoloft, prozac, etc, etc, etc. I was a one track zombie until one day i lost my job and my ability to buy the drugs... And I was right back to being me again, hopeless, and riddled with fear.
Well, I prayed to God to help me. I struggled for years to try and adjust- I messed with hard drugs like meth, even heroin. Lots of alcohol. Because of the wolf who bonded to me, I quit those drugs.
Lots of prayer, and TONS of struggles. I am not going to lie, it has been extremely difficult. I know quite literally what you felt working in the deli and knowing you had to quit.
I am terrified of heights, but on a job recently I was on a tall ladder, that was on a roof, it took me 20 minutes just to get on the ladder... When I was at the top I was so terrified I dropped my scraper... I was able to do it, but I was fighting terror.
I apologize for writing so much.
Let me tell you this, off of medicine, (Which every single mass shooter has been on... antidepressants...) with only Gods help, but struggling through it, I have *never* been happier, healthier, more well adjusted.
I said all that to say this to you, I am so utterly, totally proud of you for enduring those panic attacks, I will tell you, they will go away, you will master them. You will grow stronger. If you fight them, you WILL be victorious. God is good :)
I go through a lot of fear, but what I have is mild compared to people who have it a LOT worse. Like you.
I've only been on a few drugs, and have never had trouble with any other substances due to my very mild upbringing. I'm blessed to have not been around really bad influences, because I'm one to cave easily.
I am SO glad he has worked such miracles in your life and I'm sure he'll do more than he already has for me. <3 Thank you!