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I'm bored.
10 years ago
General
It seems like for years all I'd wanted was a true platform to express myself and now that I've gone ahead and proved it can be done, it feels like there's no reason to strive for it anymore!
I remember hitting FA back in 2009, when I was afraid if a drawing included my handwriting it could be traced back to an example from school and I'd be made fun of. Or the same year when I only drew below-the-necks of characters so that no one would recognize my style since I didn't have to draw their faces.
I had driven off a lot of people by constantly bringing up the trouble I had concerning pursuing art that I want at the same time as holding a general profile. Then, about a year ago all it took was a certain game, a certain way-of-life book and a basic primer on philosophy (Thanks
Yure16 I'll definitely check your actual suggestion some day hehe >w>) to completely change how I viewed things, all of my goals flipping inside out over the course of a few months.
And now, imbued with the will to persevere and blaze my own path, well...It seemed like all I ever wanted was that possibility! And now that possibility has been accessed. And now...I don't know what else to do lol.
Before, I wanted to become some great original storyteller for the masses but during my tonal shift I realized that masses aren't worth performing for. I wanted to put out provocative stories or comics or videos that would stir up tons of conversation but people at large aren't interested in a challenge, just whatever homogenized garbage they can watch while they eat or talk about at their virtual water coolers. I've become comfortable in my identity as a hardcore naturist/sex-positive person only to find out I'm swimming in an ocean of prudes and that no one will ever buy what I'm selling. Only difference is that before I used to look up at them with a pained expression, now I look down on them in pity. I could go on and on but it's this sort of thing in all areas of my life.
I wonder what will ignite my new spark, seeing as how all my old goals have faded away. Lately, I've gotten heavily into writing--something I've always recognized as a strength outclassing my artistic ability, but chose not to pursue just due to pleasing the masses (Looking at a picture is easier than reading paragraphs). Lately I've been getting comfortable with it mechanically; despite being a writer at heart I"m very weak at actually doing it, but that's going to change.
It has been refreshing to not only stop craving attention, but to come to revile it, knowing the vapid, shallow place it came from. It's been very comforting to realize The Art Industry is no place for me either, since I don't aspire to performing under an editor's thumb or the populace's fickle demands. When it comes to big goals like that, I don't know what I want. And outside of the crippling boredom the lack of camaraderie brings, I'm fine to leave it that way. Yeah, truly I would prefer some company that I don't have to pretend around. See, you might now know this but not only has FA proven to be a fickle mistress but so have my other watering holes on the internet. For example I've completely disconnected myself from the Jojo's Bizarre Adventure community and its news outside the comic itself. I no longer frequent any art websites (Yes, even the 'normal' ones!) like I used to since I've got no one who shares the same vibes on ANYTHING that I do.
I could go on and on, but I'm really very bored right now. This isn't even taking into account the sexual frustration of being specifically into a kink nobody else has. But it all adds up. I wonder what I could do now that's fun. This is mainly the reason why I haven't posted anything--I COULD post things, but I don't feel the need to. If you're someone I trust or care about chances are I've given you access in some capacity recently--if not, I may not feel that close to you just yet, or, I possibly consider you a leech who can only demonstrate they have an affinity for one specific channel of my art in the first place.
I remember hitting FA back in 2009, when I was afraid if a drawing included my handwriting it could be traced back to an example from school and I'd be made fun of. Or the same year when I only drew below-the-necks of characters so that no one would recognize my style since I didn't have to draw their faces.
I had driven off a lot of people by constantly bringing up the trouble I had concerning pursuing art that I want at the same time as holding a general profile. Then, about a year ago all it took was a certain game, a certain way-of-life book and a basic primer on philosophy (Thanks
Yure16 I'll definitely check your actual suggestion some day hehe >w>) to completely change how I viewed things, all of my goals flipping inside out over the course of a few months.And now, imbued with the will to persevere and blaze my own path, well...It seemed like all I ever wanted was that possibility! And now that possibility has been accessed. And now...I don't know what else to do lol.
Before, I wanted to become some great original storyteller for the masses but during my tonal shift I realized that masses aren't worth performing for. I wanted to put out provocative stories or comics or videos that would stir up tons of conversation but people at large aren't interested in a challenge, just whatever homogenized garbage they can watch while they eat or talk about at their virtual water coolers. I've become comfortable in my identity as a hardcore naturist/sex-positive person only to find out I'm swimming in an ocean of prudes and that no one will ever buy what I'm selling. Only difference is that before I used to look up at them with a pained expression, now I look down on them in pity. I could go on and on but it's this sort of thing in all areas of my life.
I wonder what will ignite my new spark, seeing as how all my old goals have faded away. Lately, I've gotten heavily into writing--something I've always recognized as a strength outclassing my artistic ability, but chose not to pursue just due to pleasing the masses (Looking at a picture is easier than reading paragraphs). Lately I've been getting comfortable with it mechanically; despite being a writer at heart I"m very weak at actually doing it, but that's going to change.
It has been refreshing to not only stop craving attention, but to come to revile it, knowing the vapid, shallow place it came from. It's been very comforting to realize The Art Industry is no place for me either, since I don't aspire to performing under an editor's thumb or the populace's fickle demands. When it comes to big goals like that, I don't know what I want. And outside of the crippling boredom the lack of camaraderie brings, I'm fine to leave it that way. Yeah, truly I would prefer some company that I don't have to pretend around. See, you might now know this but not only has FA proven to be a fickle mistress but so have my other watering holes on the internet. For example I've completely disconnected myself from the Jojo's Bizarre Adventure community and its news outside the comic itself. I no longer frequent any art websites (Yes, even the 'normal' ones!) like I used to since I've got no one who shares the same vibes on ANYTHING that I do.
I could go on and on, but I'm really very bored right now. This isn't even taking into account the sexual frustration of being specifically into a kink nobody else has. But it all adds up. I wonder what I could do now that's fun. This is mainly the reason why I haven't posted anything--I COULD post things, but I don't feel the need to. If you're someone I trust or care about chances are I've given you access in some capacity recently--if not, I may not feel that close to you just yet, or, I possibly consider you a leech who can only demonstrate they have an affinity for one specific channel of my art in the first place.
