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My pre-internet days...
8 years ago
General
I thought I would just 'wax nostalgic' as they say about what it used to be like for me prior to the internet showing up in my life. I sort of want to talk about how different I feel about things today versus back then...
I was born in 1991, and we got a family computer sometime in the early 2000's, but it was really bad and none of us knew how to use it. Around that time I had probably begun drawing, around 5th grade where I drew a bunch of generic Sanrio-like character knockoffs...I had a huge thing for the cartoon "Keroppi" at the time.
I got my first actual 'fursona' starting in the summer from 5th grade to 6th grade, a figure who I say "he-who-shall-not-be-spoken-of-again" sort of. But I am speaking of him again lol, he was some "combination of all reptiles" and just trust me when I say he looked really bad. This is also the time to mention that my uh...proclivity started showing itself and only I was in the dark about it. You know that whole "haha, just for laughs" thing? Well I was definitely the poster child, I just wasn't sure myself <.>;
Anyway, I still had no internet at this point. Wow am I glad about this. I didn't start improving at drawing until after I got internet, and I don't know how I would have handled the feedback if I ever posted that stuff there. You'd be seeing a really different me for example, I'm sure!
Anyway, I forcibly killed off that fursona in about 7th grade, and a few weeks later came to me my first ever characters, Taylor and Wally (who is now nicknamed DJ...) and I also figured there would be a sister, Candice to round this trio out, who had found Wally as a baby or something--I've never been able to have a backstory with them, they just grew up together I guess. Anyway, still no internet, but getting there...
I'd say that's where the first real iteration of 'my own style' came out, around 7th grade. It wasn't until about 10th or 11th grade that I'd have stable internet at my house, but I did go to the library and that's where I had my first DA account and my first FA account I believe. The end of the beginning was near, but the big even that really kicked me into the internet was 1) Joining a Jojo forum where I met some important people, and B) being coerced into joining a comic site I was much, much too inexperienced to use. After that is history, anyone watching me from the beginning can tell how I was after this point in time...
But I bring all this up because I feel like there must have been something I had back then but I don't now. I was always thirsty for feedback and playmates in school prior to internet, but I feel like the expectation that someday I'd have more people surrounding me was keeping me going. Today, I do have those people...But the hope that more could come sort of has dried up. I feel like I've really hit a ceiling. I don't feel right at all with my art, and back in the day I was fine keeping it a secret. I didn't think anyone would ever see Misty or Arthur for example.
Back before really accessible social media, or trends or any of that stuff, goals seemed different...I feel like today I'm sort of robbed of hope now that I've arrived where I expected to be years ago. I dunno I guess I sort of wish I was alone or at least unaware of how all this social stuff worked, I've never been very good at that. If I could I would just privately distribute my art to my friends and such, but I can't think of a good, convenient system. I used to love the idea of being public with my work--I remember the open ridicule and suggestions to tone down things--but now I'm almost terrified of it. I don't want to do anything anywhere. I wish I could revert it back to how it was in school, where I'd wait until lunch or the library to show something I'd drawn to completion earlier that day. I'd force feedback by being right there,just as it would be asked of me and whatever they wanted to do. But today it's more about skill and referencing ability in a world where we're so over-fed with information on anything we ever wanted to know, it's disheartening knowing my work (or anyone whose work is worth it) takes up so much less real estate in mind these days.
I was born in 1991, and we got a family computer sometime in the early 2000's, but it was really bad and none of us knew how to use it. Around that time I had probably begun drawing, around 5th grade where I drew a bunch of generic Sanrio-like character knockoffs...I had a huge thing for the cartoon "Keroppi" at the time.
I got my first actual 'fursona' starting in the summer from 5th grade to 6th grade, a figure who I say "he-who-shall-not-be-spoken-of-again" sort of. But I am speaking of him again lol, he was some "combination of all reptiles" and just trust me when I say he looked really bad. This is also the time to mention that my uh...proclivity started showing itself and only I was in the dark about it. You know that whole "haha, just for laughs" thing? Well I was definitely the poster child, I just wasn't sure myself <.>;
Anyway, I still had no internet at this point. Wow am I glad about this. I didn't start improving at drawing until after I got internet, and I don't know how I would have handled the feedback if I ever posted that stuff there. You'd be seeing a really different me for example, I'm sure!
Anyway, I forcibly killed off that fursona in about 7th grade, and a few weeks later came to me my first ever characters, Taylor and Wally (who is now nicknamed DJ...) and I also figured there would be a sister, Candice to round this trio out, who had found Wally as a baby or something--I've never been able to have a backstory with them, they just grew up together I guess. Anyway, still no internet, but getting there...
I'd say that's where the first real iteration of 'my own style' came out, around 7th grade. It wasn't until about 10th or 11th grade that I'd have stable internet at my house, but I did go to the library and that's where I had my first DA account and my first FA account I believe. The end of the beginning was near, but the big even that really kicked me into the internet was 1) Joining a Jojo forum where I met some important people, and B) being coerced into joining a comic site I was much, much too inexperienced to use. After that is history, anyone watching me from the beginning can tell how I was after this point in time...
But I bring all this up because I feel like there must have been something I had back then but I don't now. I was always thirsty for feedback and playmates in school prior to internet, but I feel like the expectation that someday I'd have more people surrounding me was keeping me going. Today, I do have those people...But the hope that more could come sort of has dried up. I feel like I've really hit a ceiling. I don't feel right at all with my art, and back in the day I was fine keeping it a secret. I didn't think anyone would ever see Misty or Arthur for example.
Back before really accessible social media, or trends or any of that stuff, goals seemed different...I feel like today I'm sort of robbed of hope now that I've arrived where I expected to be years ago. I dunno I guess I sort of wish I was alone or at least unaware of how all this social stuff worked, I've never been very good at that. If I could I would just privately distribute my art to my friends and such, but I can't think of a good, convenient system. I used to love the idea of being public with my work--I remember the open ridicule and suggestions to tone down things--but now I'm almost terrified of it. I don't want to do anything anywhere. I wish I could revert it back to how it was in school, where I'd wait until lunch or the library to show something I'd drawn to completion earlier that day. I'd force feedback by being right there,just as it would be asked of me and whatever they wanted to do. But today it's more about skill and referencing ability in a world where we're so over-fed with information on anything we ever wanted to know, it's disheartening knowing my work (or anyone whose work is worth it) takes up so much less real estate in mind these days.
But what you say is also right. I'm not interested in competition, I just want some playmates. I don't like dealing with social media either, I really wish I could just have my little after-school area in my library, sitting on a couch and passing my sketchbook around. I thought I wanted recognition and attention but I really think it works badly for people like myself.
I myself have often thought of splitting stuff apart, but given how little I draw, I figured it wouldn't really matter
And still... I feel like it's better for people to think ill of one for what he/she likes to draw, rather than to not be remember by anyone, because one draws nothing. That's not something that gets you any respect.
It's better to get some love and some hate, rather than to get nothing