Hi all. Thanks to the new watchers and the old, I just wanted to pop in and say some things I guess.

I would probably open by saying how guilty I feel about yanking my watchers around and how often I don't post, and how I want to become more and more introverted, only to burst out and want attention again.

I've come to the conclusion I need some extra help in my life, I don't want to make any artistic promises until this is mostly resolved. I feel like I need a vacation from my own mind, and sort of reset everything. I'd like people to continue considering me inactive, when I do feel like being active I think you'll know about it. But let's not make any promises. It will happen when it happens.

I've been spending a lot of time dancing around and pushing problems under the rug but I think I'm going to need some consistent visits with doctors and therapists before I ever am able to really behave as I'd really like to online, and my own profile.

The hardest problem still is how exactly to deal with my content. The highest rated solution is to just accept that people will find out about me even if I use two different signatures, and to just do it. I have extreme anxiety about posting now and I just can't show much unless it's personal, or I get someone else to show it. (wink wink  Yure16 heheh)

I just wanted to say I'm still around, but I'm not really ready to do very much. I'm grateful most of you stick around, but I think it's just time I'd better look for some help. If anyone has various doctor/anxiety/drug use/etc sorta serious problems like that, any advice for any of that, I'll listen. Also, if anyone understands what it means to assuage the massive, impending guilt of accepting...Benefits from a certain source, I really want to hear that. I didn't think I could feel lower than I did when I resigned myself to...Begin that process.

I still need some more time but I'm here and I still have hope I can entertain you all when the time is right.