day six of visiting family. if Joey had timed it better, this would easily have been a 3 day trip. I hate riding with on trips. the lack of.. ok i have visited, time to leave control i have drives me mad. I think i have more than a bit of social... i dont want to say anxiety, but i get irritated around my family. my dad seems to feel im 12, lazy and incompetent. he refuses to see that im an adult, and is insisting whats best for me, and the tone of when he talks to me feels like im wasting my life as a full time student, while working. i should drop out, come back home, and be a mud farmer living off their largess, helping dad push dirt about.

while visiting with my brothers family, every little tease feels like a lack of respect, an insult, of im a lesser member of the family, i dont feel welcome. getting invited to dinner, to pay for myself feels like an insult. i dont have that money. im losing 150$ as is to visit for this week, after a month off work that i was screwed out of by being denied my disability after i feared of having a heart attack in october,. it was a mistake to take time off work and come down here.

I dont know if i will visit again next year. No one comes to visit me, i cant afford the tank of gas or emotional bruising i get from the broken people that are my family.

I almost posted this to facebook, but id rather not bare my soul to somewhere those i know rl would read my bitching