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hitting 42 this month
2 years ago
I will be hitting 42 years old this month. My dog, Max turns 1. He is getting big. and is a good boy. He has learned that he can climb on my bed, and when he wants tp snuggle he flops on my chest. i think he weighs over 80lbs now. still got about a year to go in getting bigger. not sure if his ears will stand up.
i start with psychiatric meetings this moth as well. Still unemployed. Mental issues have kept me terrified of the pain and emotional wreck i dealt with during my time in retail working at a gas station, where i would refuse to sleep for days on end till i collapsed because sleep meant i had to get up and go to work in the rain and heat and snow and wind, with uncaring motherfucker customers in driving rain telling me to "stay Dry! :D" or being in -20f outside and falling on ice. of being lied to by bosses, arbitrary you dont need to know decisions made that make my life harder with no sense of control. I tried to get a job with my degree, got hired and the day of start found i had a major infection in my foot that needed 6 weeks of recovery. i finally start.. and i just couldnt. the memories of pain and all that shit had me walk off the job.
I'm being housed on my parents land in a separate 400sqft cabin with its own power/bathroom. this is coming on two years in the cabin, 3 years on this place since covid robbed me of work, rent debt robbed me of most my savings, and a fall injury left my left arm almost immobile till I got a year of Phys therapy. My 73 year old father has no respect for closed doors or privacy. so any time during the day he may come barging in to let me know he made cream of wheat. i will literally be in bed asleep and here he is, slamming through the front door. Its stressful as fuck. some days its 3-4 times a day. others it can go weeks between. My brother who shares this space with me deals with it by working and living in the middle of the night and sleeping in the day. he is saving up and paying down his credit dept. only good thing is i dont have to pay bills. Medical is covered by the state. i got on the SNAP program as a disabled adult and the 200$ a month i get is more than i need for myself. I buy bulk/generic from when i had money and needed to make it stretch. im living off money i made in 2020 during the census by only having 30$ in phone bills from the cheapest prepaid plan i could get for my phones and
I kinda want to share AI art i had generated. But its not mine. a machine did it. its not even furry. just anime. so meh. I never get art commissioned, never had the money. no one gives me art. last art gift was a rando in city of heroes drawing my fox hero posting it to reddit. and that ctf comic 5-6 years ago from a friend. Id prolly use AI art gen to make Dani and stuff. I know drawing is hard work... i jsut dont have the spirit to practice. I'm so tired.
i start with psychiatric meetings this moth as well. Still unemployed. Mental issues have kept me terrified of the pain and emotional wreck i dealt with during my time in retail working at a gas station, where i would refuse to sleep for days on end till i collapsed because sleep meant i had to get up and go to work in the rain and heat and snow and wind, with uncaring motherfucker customers in driving rain telling me to "stay Dry! :D" or being in -20f outside and falling on ice. of being lied to by bosses, arbitrary you dont need to know decisions made that make my life harder with no sense of control. I tried to get a job with my degree, got hired and the day of start found i had a major infection in my foot that needed 6 weeks of recovery. i finally start.. and i just couldnt. the memories of pain and all that shit had me walk off the job.
I'm being housed on my parents land in a separate 400sqft cabin with its own power/bathroom. this is coming on two years in the cabin, 3 years on this place since covid robbed me of work, rent debt robbed me of most my savings, and a fall injury left my left arm almost immobile till I got a year of Phys therapy. My 73 year old father has no respect for closed doors or privacy. so any time during the day he may come barging in to let me know he made cream of wheat. i will literally be in bed asleep and here he is, slamming through the front door. Its stressful as fuck. some days its 3-4 times a day. others it can go weeks between. My brother who shares this space with me deals with it by working and living in the middle of the night and sleeping in the day. he is saving up and paying down his credit dept. only good thing is i dont have to pay bills. Medical is covered by the state. i got on the SNAP program as a disabled adult and the 200$ a month i get is more than i need for myself. I buy bulk/generic from when i had money and needed to make it stretch. im living off money i made in 2020 during the census by only having 30$ in phone bills from the cheapest prepaid plan i could get for my phones and
I kinda want to share AI art i had generated. But its not mine. a machine did it. its not even furry. just anime. so meh. I never get art commissioned, never had the money. no one gives me art. last art gift was a rando in city of heroes drawing my fox hero posting it to reddit. and that ctf comic 5-6 years ago from a friend. Id prolly use AI art gen to make Dani and stuff. I know drawing is hard work... i jsut dont have the spirit to practice. I'm so tired.
