FA+
Shop
I just don't get it.(its not like anyone reads my journals)
9 years ago
I respect peoples free wills and everything.
and yet I just still don't get why I lost an important friend.
but to fully let go I will respect there decision.
even if there's no reason.
though it doesn't really bother me if that one person is gone from my life.
I'm not here to control anyone's free will or my own.
though what bothers me most is whats the reason behind being unfriended fully?
but I'm just a lowly human that has no say to anything.
I'm kind of right about myself that I am a lowly human being.
I don't know really, all my life I'm never really defend myself or even tried.
I kind of just gave up on fighting it all because its so much of a hassle. A hassle to fight for family, friends, and even myself.
I even gave up on wanting myself to die when I wish I wanted to.
so I'm here today to wonder in this human world not caring about the rules or judgement of others. How did I become this way?
am I a monster?
nothing feels good or bad anymore its all just senseless.
I remember the days where I have been kind and weak hearten.
I was a stupid idiot back then and I'm an idiot now. I've already get this after knowing how slow i am. But i don't blame my learning disability at all for not knowing words or technology or anything else that would progress human beings.
not good with explaining and forgetting important detail. I've always hated it but I've never blamed it.
now i just have no dreams for the future and I'm waiting for my time to come.
trying to have fun and enjoy life is a way to past the time for when i disappear someday.
I did wanted to leave a will for someone I truly cared about but now since that person will forget me.
everything must be buried to the ground with me.
The only things i will give away are my organs as my blood type Is O.
also long as human beings continue to live that's all it matters too me.
My own happiness is a blank slate and should not be thought about ever.
i don't even care if I ended up on the streets frozen and homeless. as long as others continue there lives mine doesn't even matter.
I'll keep going no matter what, so I'm making sure anyone who reads this know that I'm not going to off myself.
just dieing more quickly its all which i don't mind really.
because I've already helped as many human beings as I can.
even helped donated 56k$ to the local children hospital.
you know if I actually had over a billion dollars, I would burn all that cash in front of the government.
just going to end it here, too much random rambling that nobody is going to read since nobody ever truly cares anyways.
i won't hate you or love or sad or angry.
just very empty and not accepting anyone into my own heart.
I'll probably pretend to have emotions but I truly do not have any sadly.
though its odd even if i pretend that's real and yet i don't actually feel for it.
oh look more rambling.
whelp just ending it now.
and yet I just still don't get why I lost an important friend.
but to fully let go I will respect there decision.
even if there's no reason.
though it doesn't really bother me if that one person is gone from my life.
I'm not here to control anyone's free will or my own.
though what bothers me most is whats the reason behind being unfriended fully?
but I'm just a lowly human that has no say to anything.
I'm kind of right about myself that I am a lowly human being.
I don't know really, all my life I'm never really defend myself or even tried.
I kind of just gave up on fighting it all because its so much of a hassle. A hassle to fight for family, friends, and even myself.
I even gave up on wanting myself to die when I wish I wanted to.
so I'm here today to wonder in this human world not caring about the rules or judgement of others. How did I become this way?
am I a monster?
nothing feels good or bad anymore its all just senseless.
I remember the days where I have been kind and weak hearten.
I was a stupid idiot back then and I'm an idiot now. I've already get this after knowing how slow i am. But i don't blame my learning disability at all for not knowing words or technology or anything else that would progress human beings.
not good with explaining and forgetting important detail. I've always hated it but I've never blamed it.
now i just have no dreams for the future and I'm waiting for my time to come.
trying to have fun and enjoy life is a way to past the time for when i disappear someday.
I did wanted to leave a will for someone I truly cared about but now since that person will forget me.
everything must be buried to the ground with me.
The only things i will give away are my organs as my blood type Is O.
also long as human beings continue to live that's all it matters too me.
My own happiness is a blank slate and should not be thought about ever.
i don't even care if I ended up on the streets frozen and homeless. as long as others continue there lives mine doesn't even matter.
I'll keep going no matter what, so I'm making sure anyone who reads this know that I'm not going to off myself.
just dieing more quickly its all which i don't mind really.
because I've already helped as many human beings as I can.
even helped donated 56k$ to the local children hospital.
you know if I actually had over a billion dollars, I would burn all that cash in front of the government.
just going to end it here, too much random rambling that nobody is going to read since nobody ever truly cares anyways.
i won't hate you or love or sad or angry.
just very empty and not accepting anyone into my own heart.
I'll probably pretend to have emotions but I truly do not have any sadly.
though its odd even if i pretend that's real and yet i don't actually feel for it.
oh look more rambling.
whelp just ending it now.
You are as important as everyone else here on this world, maybe even more important than most people since you know what pain is.
Sadly this is part of life to lose friends, even family or lovers, this doesn't make you a bad person, this doesn't make them a bad person necessarily.
It's just how life works sometimes, throwing us challenges into our way which we can master or leave.
There's a question to answer and you should answer it for yourself: Who are you?
Because if you know that, if you know who you are, what you are, it's much easier for you to find and decide what you want.