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Further Confusion 2016: Do Not Cross the Barrier Tape
10 years ago
Life has been busy and interesting as of late,
and this FC has sneaked right up on me like
a one eyed raccoon stalking a hot pumpkin pie on
a wooden porch swing. During a thunderstorm.
Wearing overalls.
OK, that metaphor mighta got away from me,
but nevertheless I shall forge ahead like a
a one legged Irish coal miner in a... oh never mind.
This FC is the FC of breaking traditions.
I am NOT driving up the central valley this year,
cashing in some Bratwurst Airlines points for a quick
flight instead, so expect the fast food industry
from Lompoc to Santa Nella to wither up and die.
Sorry.
I arrive in fine fettle (drunk and humiliated by that
special TSA search they reserve for the wurst of the worst) on
Thursday evening. Sliding into the Squaremont shortly thereafter,
a shall upgrade to a deluxe suite by charming the staff
with my juggling prowess and offering free boudoir photography.
Once settled in, I'll hit Safeway, the hotel bar, and registration,
cramming Pita Pit cheesy wrappers into my food hole while I
maniacally hug every single person within grabby paws reach.
I am a horrible person and bad dog.
Stay well back.
After that, who the heck knows where I'll be?
The Surf City marathon is just weeks away, so I'll
be hitting the bricks for some long runs in the morning,
providing I can find my shoes under the heaps of
Coors Light cans and mangled fur.
The hot tub!
Oh golly, that's a scene.
The Fartmont ain't got one, so I'll be crashing the
Marrioot's, and I apologize for my emerald green thong.
Blame
teh for excess dogbutt because I always do.
I'm excited about the theme of this year's con:
"Surviving Time in the Joint"
I'm hosting a panel on inmate relations, if you know what I mean.
I'll be at the dances. I'll be wandering around as a giant dog.
I'll be uncomfortably close to you in the elevator.
Some things never change.
I look forward to seeing my extended furry family, and
I can't wait to hug y'all.
Thank you for making me feel welcome year after year.
I love you guys and girls more than that free french fry that
sometimes sneaks in with the onion rings.
Well, almost.
and this FC has sneaked right up on me like
a one eyed raccoon stalking a hot pumpkin pie on
a wooden porch swing. During a thunderstorm.
Wearing overalls.
OK, that metaphor mighta got away from me,
but nevertheless I shall forge ahead like a
a one legged Irish coal miner in a... oh never mind.
This FC is the FC of breaking traditions.
I am NOT driving up the central valley this year,
cashing in some Bratwurst Airlines points for a quick
flight instead, so expect the fast food industry
from Lompoc to Santa Nella to wither up and die.
Sorry.
I arrive in fine fettle (drunk and humiliated by that
special TSA search they reserve for the wurst of the worst) on
Thursday evening. Sliding into the Squaremont shortly thereafter,
a shall upgrade to a deluxe suite by charming the staff
with my juggling prowess and offering free boudoir photography.
Once settled in, I'll hit Safeway, the hotel bar, and registration,
cramming Pita Pit cheesy wrappers into my food hole while I
maniacally hug every single person within grabby paws reach.
I am a horrible person and bad dog.
Stay well back.
After that, who the heck knows where I'll be?
The Surf City marathon is just weeks away, so I'll
be hitting the bricks for some long runs in the morning,
providing I can find my shoes under the heaps of
Coors Light cans and mangled fur.
The hot tub!
Oh golly, that's a scene.
The Fartmont ain't got one, so I'll be crashing the
Marrioot's, and I apologize for my emerald green thong.
Blame
teh for excess dogbutt because I always do. I'm excited about the theme of this year's con:
"Surviving Time in the Joint"
I'm hosting a panel on inmate relations, if you know what I mean.
I'll be at the dances. I'll be wandering around as a giant dog.
I'll be uncomfortably close to you in the elevator.
Some things never change.
I look forward to seeing my extended furry family, and
I can't wait to hug y'all.
Thank you for making me feel welcome year after year.
I love you guys and girls more than that free french fry that
sometimes sneaks in with the onion rings.
Well, almost.
soldier on without you.
I look forward to it!
be mentioned on the same page.
The Fairmont has no hot tub? Blasphemy!
I'll assume your panel is exclusive access, need-to-know basis.
Most importantly, have fun and so looking forward to seeing you there, you mutt!
but I thank you.
See ya in SJ!
except without any natural talent...
my man nipples to erupt in joy, like a smiling vole on the cusp of a fresh trash heap.