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Splintered
10 years ago
General
Right now, I have splintered. Not shattered, splintered. In many pieces, but still somewhat together. Events that have occurred have caused this to happen. I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm sad, the entire gamut of emotions. I lashed out at friends, lovers, people close in my life, not even family. Amends have been made by some but not others, and I've tried my best to make my apologies. Some have not been able to handle it and have chosen to break off contact. It hurts badly, even more than the events that predicated my splintering in the first place.
I sustained two attacks this week by those whom I trusted. One of whom has made a full apology, and the other well, let's just say that I will no longer be dealing with that particular individual after a recent posting they made. After reading the posting, my dragon immediately took notice and is on the warpath. The others are controlling him as best they can. Thankfully, as the person who has drawn my ire is several hours away so the likelihood that I will see them personally again anytime soon is rather slim to no chance at all.
The other person who apologized, I provided an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry upon, and advice, whether it was desired or not. They still remain a friend, a point of contention with the other mentioned individual. Throughout my life, I have sustained various forms of attacks both physical and emotional. I'm trying my best to just keep on going. But therapy and medications only go so far. My support network of people whom I trust now is razor thin and that frightens me.
The 'sonas I've been over the years have developed into aspects of my personality. Right now, the scared little cub is who I am. Crying, clutching the things most dear to him: reminders and memories of those who still love him. He sits in the lap of a rather overzealous, lustful tiger, who holds and cradles the cub like a mother would do for her own child. Behind them, growling and blowing smoke from his nostrils, is a very large, very angry golden dragon. Although raging, he protects the two sitting in front of him at all costs. He is their rage, their anger, their desire for retribution. He will never harm them and protects them as they slumber, ever vigilant.
The dragon, the tiger, and the little bear cub, all one and the same person, all me; and they all are hurting.
I sustained two attacks this week by those whom I trusted. One of whom has made a full apology, and the other well, let's just say that I will no longer be dealing with that particular individual after a recent posting they made. After reading the posting, my dragon immediately took notice and is on the warpath. The others are controlling him as best they can. Thankfully, as the person who has drawn my ire is several hours away so the likelihood that I will see them personally again anytime soon is rather slim to no chance at all.
The other person who apologized, I provided an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry upon, and advice, whether it was desired or not. They still remain a friend, a point of contention with the other mentioned individual. Throughout my life, I have sustained various forms of attacks both physical and emotional. I'm trying my best to just keep on going. But therapy and medications only go so far. My support network of people whom I trust now is razor thin and that frightens me.
The 'sonas I've been over the years have developed into aspects of my personality. Right now, the scared little cub is who I am. Crying, clutching the things most dear to him: reminders and memories of those who still love him. He sits in the lap of a rather overzealous, lustful tiger, who holds and cradles the cub like a mother would do for her own child. Behind them, growling and blowing smoke from his nostrils, is a very large, very angry golden dragon. Although raging, he protects the two sitting in front of him at all costs. He is their rage, their anger, their desire for retribution. He will never harm them and protects them as they slumber, ever vigilant.
The dragon, the tiger, and the little bear cub, all one and the same person, all me; and they all are hurting.
