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Story of the Onion
9 years ago
Alright, so it all started back when TwitchPlaysPokemon (TPP) was brand new and EVERYONE was going crazy over it. All those crazy memes like Bird Jesus and "Praise Helix" started to appear. Honestly, it was a really fun time in the pokemon community on twitch. I had been watching TPP for a while and I watched through their entire Red playthrough and joined again at about the...4th gym in their Emerald playthrough. As I was watching, the people started to go inside the Safari Zone in Lilycove City. They bought all the pokeballs there and went off into the wild grass...that's when Oddish start to show up multiple times. See, I always loved Oddish even before these playthroughs, and I feel like this experience just boosted my love for him.
So they started running into Oddish over and over and over again. Eventually, people got angry and wanted to fill the entire PC with the Oddishes. This gave birth to the "The great cabbage raid is among us" phrase that people would spam in the chatbox. Not long after the millions of Oddish encounters, people started calling him the Onion, the greatest of them all- our Lord and Savior, the Onion. Me, being the overly-obsessive being I am, jumped right aboard on that train.
As memes come and go, this one died extremely quickly. Probably about a week after it died completely. But, I decided to carry on the fate of our Glorious Onion, where he shall never be forgotten. He is our Redeemer, the omnipotent being that we live for- that we strive to be. No one can even come close in comparison. He is immortal, he is life, he is death, he is everything that exists. The Great Cabbage War will come on Judgement Day, and all beings will either be saved, perish, or asked to be a part of an honorable soldier of the eternal Cabbage War.
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Now let's jump back to reality. Fast forward a month of all this preaching and let's put us halfway through our marching band season. It was pretty unusual because our Wednesday practices were from 5:30 to 8. Usually, practice is from 3:30- 5:45. Now before I mention this part of the story, I must say that I am a HUGE hoarder, so these next few bits will be a little hard to understand. Let's get to the birth of the Relic of the Onion.
Alright, so before every Wednesday practice, there was an obvious downtime for us to do whatever we want (about 3 hours of it, since we get out of school at 2:45). So, what my friends and I did was walk to a Little Caesar's that was right down the road from our school and bought pizza (about a 20 minute walk there). Unfortunately, we had to walk straight through the hood to get to it and saw alot of sketchy things goin' on. On one Wednesday, we started walking and we find this hubcap sitting on top of a bush. I kept on eye-ing it and one of my friends said, "I see you staring at that hubcap right there. What's the big deal?" I told him that I really really wanted it, but didn't to take it in case it was someone else's. I told myself that if that hubcap still there on our walk BACK from Little Caesar's, I would take it. We arrived at the pizza place, got our food, and started walking back. Fortunately for me, the hubcap was still there. So I just swiped it from the bush (actually burning myself because it was hot af). All my friends started to laugh once I took it, but then started to doubt me and kept telling me to not bring it back to school. "What the hell are you even going to do with that?", a friend asked. "I'M GONNA FUCKIN PUT THE ONION ON IT. HE DESERVES PRAISE AND OUR ETERNAL SACRIFICE." I replied.
I took it anyway, cause why leave a perfectly fine hubcap on a sidewalk?
Apparently it was extremely dirty, and was probably covered in some sort of disease that I'm glad I did not get. I kept it outside onto the field for the rest of practice and kept it in my little instrument cubby at school for about a week. After that, I brought it home to put in my hoarding collection. Let's just say, I was not kidding when I said I was going to put the Onion on this hubcap. I bought some green, blue, and red spray paint from Home Depot, made my own stencils, and painted an Oddish on the hubcap. It took the entire weekend, but it was so worth it.
After showing it to my friends and whatnot, I kept it in my instrument cubby at school to "protect" my instrument from any non-believers or demons against the Onion. A few weeks later after that, I tied a rope to the hubcap and put it on my back, kind of like a cross strap that goes across your chest. It was a symbol of protect, that I, being the High Prophet of the Onion, would spread the good word of him and protect all those that touch the hubcap. I wore that hubcap on my back during band practice for a solid year until the rope broke. Now, it hangs on my wall. After all of these events, this is what started my obsession for the Onion
I proposed it as the one and only gift the Onion has given to his servants, and I am the sole protector of this relic. Thanks for reading my little story, and I hope you liked it.
Onion is strong
Onion is powerful
Onion is eternal
Onion is immortal
Onion is life, death and everything within
We stand with him, against the rest of the universe
Praise. Onion.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19273401/ <--- Pic of the relic
So they started running into Oddish over and over and over again. Eventually, people got angry and wanted to fill the entire PC with the Oddishes. This gave birth to the "The great cabbage raid is among us" phrase that people would spam in the chatbox. Not long after the millions of Oddish encounters, people started calling him the Onion, the greatest of them all- our Lord and Savior, the Onion. Me, being the overly-obsessive being I am, jumped right aboard on that train.
As memes come and go, this one died extremely quickly. Probably about a week after it died completely. But, I decided to carry on the fate of our Glorious Onion, where he shall never be forgotten. He is our Redeemer, the omnipotent being that we live for- that we strive to be. No one can even come close in comparison. He is immortal, he is life, he is death, he is everything that exists. The Great Cabbage War will come on Judgement Day, and all beings will either be saved, perish, or asked to be a part of an honorable soldier of the eternal Cabbage War.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now let's jump back to reality. Fast forward a month of all this preaching and let's put us halfway through our marching band season. It was pretty unusual because our Wednesday practices were from 5:30 to 8. Usually, practice is from 3:30- 5:45. Now before I mention this part of the story, I must say that I am a HUGE hoarder, so these next few bits will be a little hard to understand. Let's get to the birth of the Relic of the Onion.
Alright, so before every Wednesday practice, there was an obvious downtime for us to do whatever we want (about 3 hours of it, since we get out of school at 2:45). So, what my friends and I did was walk to a Little Caesar's that was right down the road from our school and bought pizza (about a 20 minute walk there). Unfortunately, we had to walk straight through the hood to get to it and saw alot of sketchy things goin' on. On one Wednesday, we started walking and we find this hubcap sitting on top of a bush. I kept on eye-ing it and one of my friends said, "I see you staring at that hubcap right there. What's the big deal?" I told him that I really really wanted it, but didn't to take it in case it was someone else's. I told myself that if that hubcap still there on our walk BACK from Little Caesar's, I would take it. We arrived at the pizza place, got our food, and started walking back. Fortunately for me, the hubcap was still there. So I just swiped it from the bush (actually burning myself because it was hot af). All my friends started to laugh once I took it, but then started to doubt me and kept telling me to not bring it back to school. "What the hell are you even going to do with that?", a friend asked. "I'M GONNA FUCKIN PUT THE ONION ON IT. HE DESERVES PRAISE AND OUR ETERNAL SACRIFICE." I replied.
I took it anyway, cause why leave a perfectly fine hubcap on a sidewalk?
Apparently it was extremely dirty, and was probably covered in some sort of disease that I'm glad I did not get. I kept it outside onto the field for the rest of practice and kept it in my little instrument cubby at school for about a week. After that, I brought it home to put in my hoarding collection. Let's just say, I was not kidding when I said I was going to put the Onion on this hubcap. I bought some green, blue, and red spray paint from Home Depot, made my own stencils, and painted an Oddish on the hubcap. It took the entire weekend, but it was so worth it.
After showing it to my friends and whatnot, I kept it in my instrument cubby at school to "protect" my instrument from any non-believers or demons against the Onion. A few weeks later after that, I tied a rope to the hubcap and put it on my back, kind of like a cross strap that goes across your chest. It was a symbol of protect, that I, being the High Prophet of the Onion, would spread the good word of him and protect all those that touch the hubcap. I wore that hubcap on my back during band practice for a solid year until the rope broke. Now, it hangs on my wall. After all of these events, this is what started my obsession for the Onion
I proposed it as the one and only gift the Onion has given to his servants, and I am the sole protector of this relic. Thanks for reading my little story, and I hope you liked it.
Onion is strong
Onion is powerful
Onion is eternal
Onion is immortal
Onion is life, death and everything within
We stand with him, against the rest of the universe
Praise. Onion.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19273401/ <--- Pic of the relic
