I feel like my life has been a farce. I've felt like this revelation would come to me as soon as I had a word for it, and even before then I knew I wasn't just another guy. I've had to grin and bear holding this facade of masculinity, but fuck me, I can't do that anymore. It's only finally fully surfaced for me recently- I sure as hell don't want to be associated with the average male, nor do I want to with the normal female. So..
I've come to the conclusion that I should associate with the gender identity of, well, gender-neutral. So does that count as a gender identity? Heh, I don't even know.
Hell, for years and year I've just not been like the other males. Damn it, I don't even like my dick- I'd rather have a surgeon chop it off and give it to a transgender man who could actually use it. That feeling's been around for awhile, but even before that I was just never the manly man people expected from me. I had to force it and fake it, for years. When you're six foot two with broad shoulders and a voice that could, apparently, be used for just about any sort of announcing or narration, you have to. I can't even be myself without being punished or not even being allowed to come close! Thankfully, I only have a few months to wait before I head off to college; I can start anew there. At least, as best as I can...
And there's another problem. I was given gifts that I don't even fucking want. A strong male body and a powerful, again masculine, voice- gifts that so many would love, and I just want rid of the fucking things. Even the voice, which can net me a lot of money if I play my cards right, is unwanted.
I never liked my body much, but now after this revelation, I hate it even more. I don't feel like I belong. Why did I have to be like this...?
The only thing I can do right now is edit Yori a bit and go by them/they pronouns. I think that's the only thing I can ever do. Fuck.
I'm tearing up... I'm just going to go cry a bit...