You know I have been doing alot of thinking these past couple of weeks with being off on vacation and sick and I am starting to even wonder if people would actually care if i lived or died. I am just getting this feeling in my heart that I don;t matter to people in life and if anything ever happened to me they wouldn;t care at all. I just feel that people I thought i was close to don;t seem to care about my life and what happens in it and even though i open my heart to others and care about thier happiness mine just does not matter anymore. I have had thoughts about just ending it all because I can;t see what there is to live for in my life anymore, I feel i have reached the end and will never be happy in life and that no one actually loves or cares for me anymore and that maybe they would be better off without me in their lives. I guess i have felt like this for a while and that maybe i am not needed anymore to anyone in life and its time to just say fuck it and stop caring about my life and being loved.