Well I have been looking back at my life this year and I have come to the realization that I have done nothing with it and totally failed in it. I finished high school with plans to do something with my life like joining the armed forces or becoming an actor but it seems I have failed at that because I lost the drive in life and became totally lazy. I am now 40 years old and it seems I have wasted the life given to me and have never succeeded of have anything to be proud of in it. I am at a dead end job that I hate with a Passion,

I am totally in dept of almost 25,000 and I have nothing to show for it in life, I rent a house don;t own it, I am paying monthly for a car and I am just depressed and unhappy all the time. To top things off I feel trapped in life like nothing ever seems to go right for me. I am married but I am not sure I want to be with a woman for the rest of my life because of how i feel inside sexually and wanting to be with a man more. I just feel inside I have totally failed the life given to me and that their is nothing for me in this life anymore to even pursue or to be proud of in life.

I guess I am just at a crossroad in my life where i am not even sure if it is worth going on anymore in life and if this is what I am destined to be and have to live with it till the day I die which is something I am also scared of in life as well. Death freaks me out very much and i know its part of life but i don't want to face it.


Well sorry for the vent but I just needed to get this out if anyone care or is listening