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Fake Sympathy vs No Sympathy
9 years ago
So, dad passed Wednesday night.
It's been a very long battle with leukemia (CML). He was given 2 years to live back in 2004. He went into remission for years thanks to very expensive drugs, but they eventually made him sick so he stopped taking them. Last summer it finally started kicking his ass and he was given 3 weeks. It took 10 months for those 3 weeks to finally pass. He lost half his body weight, and his mind along the way. I got word yesterday morning while watching Law & Order.
I guess people react to this sort of stuff differently. I get a lot of "I'm sorry for your loss" but to me it's good that he finally isn't suffering anymore.
But what gets me are people that say it just to say it, or expressing concern for me without really feeling any love behind it, versus those that just outright ignore that I'm down. I don't know what's worse.
I'm pretty open about my feelings for others, and try to make sure they feel good about life, give them support or at least offer it if I think they need it. But reciprocation seems to be a hard sell.
Do I 'need' sympathy? Probably not. Do I need to feel loved? That's another matter.
The few that I know offer up real, genuine wishes of good feelings, I appreciate more than I can express.
But to the topic, I guess I'd rather have none vs fake... at least then I know where I stand.
I'll probably nuke this in a couple days, or if someone tells me it comes across as a whine.
It's been a very long battle with leukemia (CML). He was given 2 years to live back in 2004. He went into remission for years thanks to very expensive drugs, but they eventually made him sick so he stopped taking them. Last summer it finally started kicking his ass and he was given 3 weeks. It took 10 months for those 3 weeks to finally pass. He lost half his body weight, and his mind along the way. I got word yesterday morning while watching Law & Order.
I guess people react to this sort of stuff differently. I get a lot of "I'm sorry for your loss" but to me it's good that he finally isn't suffering anymore.
But what gets me are people that say it just to say it, or expressing concern for me without really feeling any love behind it, versus those that just outright ignore that I'm down. I don't know what's worse.
I'm pretty open about my feelings for others, and try to make sure they feel good about life, give them support or at least offer it if I think they need it. But reciprocation seems to be a hard sell.
Do I 'need' sympathy? Probably not. Do I need to feel loved? That's another matter.
The few that I know offer up real, genuine wishes of good feelings, I appreciate more than I can express.
But to the topic, I guess I'd rather have none vs fake... at least then I know where I stand.
I'll probably nuke this in a couple days, or if someone tells me it comes across as a whine.
It also matters how close the two persons are to one another in regards of other terms like personal relationship and what not. For some, getting "I'm so sorry" or "My condolences" and so on from their close friend is more than enough, for we all (or most of us) know how hard is to say anything meaningfull when the news of someones death hit us in the face. Other times, it feels hollow and fake. Like the person is trying to say "Here, I need to say it because of the societys norms and etiquette demand me but I couldn't actually give shit can we talk about something else now".
...Speaking of which, I just realised I have few "close" online friends who entirely lack the ability for empathy of any description. Huuuuh.
But yeah. It depends on many things if you would rather feel like having no comments made instead of getting condolences and what not from people you barely even know.
The closest I have gotten to a loss like that is when my grandmother died, it hurt a lot when she did and honestly it still hurts. The pain of losing a loved one isn't something that lessens with time you simply learn to deal with it but yea I wish you don't feel too bad about him passing.
I really can't empathize with your situation cuz I'm autistic and I haven't had to deal with the loss of a parent myself yet. I had a lot of trouble knowing what to say to my dad when my grandfather died ykno. So I feel sympathy but not empathy which might come across as hollow.
So I really don't feel like I can say anything to help, sorry! Just that I hope things look up again for you soon. &that I'm here if you wanna talk even tho I'm bad at holding conversations c: