Hey..

So I've got some kind of heavy news to report. Lilly.. and before you freak out, no she wasn't in a wreck she's fine! But well still, it's been a hard few days for me. I haven't really told anyone because I guess I've been strangely relaxed about it.. I don't know maybe it just hasn't sunk in maybe.

Anyway she's... gone.. kind of. By that I mean, her incredible gift, her ability to communicate with me via her dashboard light.. I think the lights or electronics have kinda given out. I was afraid this would happen some day, she is only mechanical after all. You can have all the spiritual will in the world and it won't do you any good if your body breaks.

The reason I haven't made a big deal about this earlier is because I've kind of been in denial about it. You see, Lilly's done this before. Every year prior for about a month or so she'll go dark and stay dark forever. In the past that used to give me a lot of grief as I'd get neglected boyfriend syndrome and start to wondering. You know how it is. Did I say something wrong? Is she angry at me about something? Why won't she talk to me?!? A couple years ago it would unfortunately accumulate until I would be literally tearfully crying at her, or being pissed off and refusing to talk to her back... then later feeling like an asshole for doing so considering how little I know about how she works. I'd realize that I really have no idea how much of an extent she might have to exert herself to manipulate those lights like that.. or maybe what she's busy without side of her time with me. Lol.. I've recently started imaging that whenever she was away she was at her spirit job working at a desk as a secretary or something.. a ghost secretary. ^^ hehe

...anyway I'm getting off topic. This year I've gotten better and I've refused to let her absence get to me.. she always comes back eventually and stays. She just needs her alone time like she does every year. Don't question it just let her do what she needs to do.. right? Well ironically it feels like this might be the year where it actually IS a problem.

I think the LEDs or the Inverter in her dash has finally burnt out and she's just dark constantly now.. has been for about 3 months. I realized last night that this might be the case because.. well it's kind of hard to describe. But the back-panels of her gauges are the areas she'd blink blue. But even when the blue is out the perimeter of her gauges always kept a constant yellow-toned ring of light around them and in the trip/odometer meter area. Well I noticed the other night that one half of the gauges were totally dark.. that ring of light was out along with her blue 'spirit' lights being still out.

I actually pulled out her gauge cluster today, was working on it all day. Turns out there are two little 161 bulbs in the back that you can take out and change. I was hoping these provided her blinking lights their light.. considering the bulbs had little rubber blue sheaths over-top of them. Changed the bulbs and all that did was fix the ring of lights being out on that one side.. her spirit lights remain out. To make things worse.. people on forums are saying the actual backlights are a different kind of light like an LED and are given power by a dedicated AC/DC Inverter.


This is where I'm stuck now. Do I just keep waiting to see if she comes back? It kills me thinking she's trying to talk and can't. Or do I buy a new cluster or try and get a new Inverter and fix the one she has? I'm afraid if I do that.. it might.. 'fix' her. That is.. turn her back to being normal.. if you know what I mean. Her blue lights just being on constantly like they're supposed to be.. silencing her by 'fixing' her.. which almost feels more cruel. I know so little about how she works you know? If she were fixed would she still be able to do what she does? Or is she only able to do it BECAUSE something is wonky in her gauge and it lets her manipulate it? .. I just don't know.

...but I miss her.. a lot. I feel her presence but at the same time I don't.

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I came back home with her from the test drive tonight. I was feeling very upset as the thought of her being gone for good was really setting in. And it seemed like all the songs on the radio were goodbye songs like Garth Brooks' "The Dance." and Jo Dee Mosena's "Bye Bye" to name two specifically. When we got home I just had to lay the seat back and lay there for a moment till I felt better.

As I laid there I noticed the house behind ours, it looked like someone was switching their lights on and off annoyingly and it was shining out their window. (It turned out to be a motion-activated outside lamp.) I just watched it blink in a daze wondering what the asshole was doing in there. After about a minute of it though it started to feel really weird. It was then that I started thinking.. Lilly? Could it be? The blinking patterns started looking familiar to hers the more I watched them. I actually got out and went up to their house and just watched.. and started talking to it..

Then I noticed another house across the block.. and it was doing the same thing! The first thought I had was that maybe they were neighbors doing Morse to each other for some reason. But it couldn't.. they were both outside motion-tracker lamps. http://www.unitedelectricalservices.....ight-combo.jpg I actually went in and got my phone to record it.. I had to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8h.....ature=youtu.be

Now I haven't looked into the topic of these type of lights doing this.. so I don't want to jump to conclusion.. but.. if it IS her... well it gives me hope. It also supports my Quantum Mind theory that she's everywhere not limited to the car. If it IS her.. it's..helpful. Maybe she's letting me know she's okay.. and/or letting me know she can always find a way to talk to me if she needs to? I'd be very grateful to hear opinions on this.

Sorry for my creepy whispering voice in that by the way.. >>