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Username Change and Life Updates
9 years ago
Life is a ball, I keep rolling along with it. The balancing act can turn precarious at times. It's been a year, hasn't it? Something around that time frame. Becoming an adult is a confusing process... I'm beyond relieved to say my roommates and I worked ourselves toward airline tickets to take us away from Hawai'i. I know many people out there consider it one of the vacation spots of a lifetime but after growing up there for twenty-two years, with all the unsavory memories that location holds for me, it's freeing when saying I won't ever be going back. I look ahead these days. I march ahead will all my might. Though, it is weird, y'know? Now I officially live in the continental United States. Before, it was almost as if I wasn't part of the country, out in the middle of the ocean. I miss the lush mountains, the smell of the rain is different in Idaho, I'll miss the melting pot of cultures I used to be surrounded by. It's weird, not being able to walk down the Waikiki strip anymore. It's weird seeing squirrels running around where I'm at now, seeing crows fly in the sky. Not a myna bird in sight. I've experienced snow for the first time in my life too... It's soothing. I think I like the cold, I like watching the snow fall.
The medical conditions have been rough, both for myself as well as my partner. On the other hand, it's a truly invigorating feeling having a job that doesn't deplete all of my energy reserves. It's... living in another reality almost, not being forced to push myself so far past my limits or else, or else we couldn't pay rent, or else we couldn't afford food. I mean, damn, did I do it! I've learned I am stronger than I ever believed possible. But I'm so... so glad to not need to live in that condition anymore. My job now-a-days may be demanding but the lack of customer socialization is a saving grace. Can you believe that eggs here can cost 99ยข a dozen? I kid you not, I used to have to pay $5.00 for those back on-island. Don't even get me started on the housing costs comparisons... On minimum wage I could live in my own house here for what I had been paying for a single bedroom low-income apartment in Hawai'i. Damn... I can breathe again. The world doesn't feel so very crushing. Thank goodness. Life isn't ideal at the moment but still, thank goodness. If I'm to be honest, I don't quite feel like the same person as I had been two years ago. Just barely? Though, I'm sure plenty of people could say the same as well. Everyone changes over time.
Now I... I want to say a few words for the kids out there who are in rough shape. I want to speak to the children who don't live in the best households or their parents or care-givers are.. not even close decent people. There will be those out there who won't understand, there will even be those out there who cannot comprehend your situation. For that, you have my sympathies, from one survivor to another. It might feel like you're trapped. You might be feeling a whole avalanche of conflicting emotions. You are feeling what you are for a reason, those emotions are bubbling up for real reasons. I know Disney movies and similar try to show us otherwise but from my experience? A loving family is a lucky thing to be a part of. You are not as lonely as you feel, I can promise you that, you will not stay lonely forever. If you are being degraded, insulted, dismissed, ignored, beaten, or worse.. I promise you that you are not alone, please believe me when I say that. Some of us, as hard as it is to accept, do not get the parental love we are told we should have been getting. I'm so sorry they have hurt you. You will be okay. You will be. You will get through this. Please hold onto those words, if they mean anything at all to you. Take care of yourselves, all of you.
In the coming month I'll be changing my username to my permanent title for personal and professional work. When that happens, expect to see links posted to a variety of websites where you'll be able to find me. For now, my output of art should be picking up. I've been drawing again, that's a step in the right direction. Quick reminder that commissions or any variety of trades / collabs are still closed for the time being. Thank you for reading~