Life has been falling apart for me. I've barely been happy at home, school, anywhere because of my dysphoria bringing upon serious depression and other mental troubles. I don't feel right in my body at all, ad that leaves me in such a horrid shape some days... Fuck me.
I had the chance to get some professional help from one of the school psychologists yesterday, because a friend told him about the shape I've been in. While in there, I got scared, frightened. Fuck, I didn't even mention the transgender stuff, the dysphoria, any of the major stuff in my life that's driving me mad and into deep depression, I just said that my family's faltering finances had me on edge. I freakin' lied when I could've started to go get some help when I needed it by far the most.
But now, that same friend has corralled me into going to get help, and soon too... and it scares me so much. What if he accuses me of faking it? What if my parents find out because of this? What if this sends me into a spiraling series of events that just make things worse... I am so, so, so very terrified. My hands and keyboard are tearstained as I write this...
Oh gods, anyone, please, help me... What am I going to do...? the thought of speaking to someone about these matters hurts. Because of these irrational fears...
I am so wrong. A fucking failure. I couldn't even get born in the correct body. Why can't I bring myself to get the help I know I need...?
I'm so scared...