trigger warning, self harm

do you ever just have crippling depression and you dont feel like youre worth anyones time and like you cant even vent to anyone because your problems dont matter
so you just go day to day with this facade that youre fine and help with other peoples problems because you have to pretend youre ok
thats how i feel my dude
i cant physically hurt myself anymore and it really makes me upset and so im just destroying myself internally because i deserve it lmao
ive already ended up in the hospital from withdrawl and i wanna pu t myself in the hospital again because idk im self destructive and am awful
I just really wanna cut my arms like impulsively rn
my mom checks my arms and im sure if i did it my brother would have an anxiety attack and blame himself since im living with him lmao
this is awful and i cant deal anymore
maybe i can cut my thighs since i never go swimming or anything (but my luck my mom would make me go swimming with family or something)

i just wanna see myself physically hurt and i want to bleed a lot

i dont want anyone to worry i just am impulsive and violent towards myself and deserve to hurt a lot ok


but i really dont feel like i matter to anyone and i cant bring myself to talk to anyone anymore so im just constantly sleeping or being depressed
idk im a piece of shit and deserve to bleed out and die
yeah