Well, i'm not really sick like a cold or flu or disease or something like that.

I am out of town visiting friends,
and...
one of them i'm enjoying being around them thru all of it.
I just wish i was braver..

my stomach is tight and feels like someone jabbed their hand in my stomach and is just rolling it around and around and around in a tight grip.

I don't want to say it's love. cause then i really do think i would be sick... the more i think about it the more i want to just...throw up.

i'm not disgusted i just...am sick of having to hide this illness i have because of them..

to crave to be infected by it....i want that...and now that i have it...i'm so fucking scared of it. do i really want to do this? take a un-calculated chance and throw my emotions up in the air?

i'll take advice for this from anyone...and quietly hope that i can do this...

i wish my step-father was here to guide me... to tell me the answer... i haven't felt this way in a very long time and i'm so scared of how good this feeling it is to be with someone you just would do anything for. not because you want something. but because you just want to see that smile of theirs that you've grown to ....love