Ive been on this website for six years and fourteen days (don't quote my math). Well then...Interesting times. I remember back in high school i was playing with the idea of registering to this website so i could get to 'meet' one of my favorite artists/personalities at the time. Its funny how that worked out, I don't have the most fond opinion of that guy these days. It just comes to show you, when you have hundreds of people who adore you, it tends to change you. You cannot be everyone's friend so you're gonna have to brush some people off and alienate them. Then again, sometimes people don't have decent social skills or a personality and you cannot really help that. It is besides the point. The point is, a lot happens in six years. Moved four times, lived in two different states, been to two different high schools and four different community colleges. Made and lost friends, matured after making mistakes, refining myself as a person (slowly). I suppose when you look back you begin to see how much you have changed. Sometimes you hate who you were and other times you hate who you are. Me? I think I'm better than i used to be. I'm more mature and less naive. I may be more introverted but at the same time I'm less shallow and more considerate. I'm more assertive and more confident. I still feel compassion but i am realistic and know i cannot help anyone more than they can help themselves. I still have my flaws. I'm not as patient as i used to be and I feel like i am less willing to forgive or ignore transgressions. However I'm still understanding. I'm not perfect. As we grow older, we change and yet some parts of us remain the same.
You know one of the things they (family, therapists, councilors) told me when talking to me about my autism was "people with autism dislike change". That was true for a while but, ironically enough, i changed. The only constant thing is change. It comes in manageable changes in the wind or disruptive hurricanes. The winds of change will always come. Yet at the same time, parts of us will still remain the same. Maybe, just maybe, those parts of us are similar to before but we also build on our selves in a way. For me, I'm exited at the prospect of change and building on myself as i continue on. Change can be good, especially when i decide to make the change. Things will change. I will change.

"Let the winds of change come and take me away."

And so soon this account will come to close. I am aiming for October but if i cannot get my shit together before then i will definitely be gone by December 5th. and by then i will have called for the winds of change to sweep me away to leave behind the old me. Has it really taken me nearly a whole year to even get this far? It is like i said, i want to do this right. A nice slow burn. Everything has to be just right, not perfect, but right. I'm still making decisions but what is for certain as that it will soon end and Nicholas Alsatian will be nothing more than a memory. And i think ive given some people enough time to re-kindle things with me. Im not giving up on some people quite yet but for the most part, i have a good idea of who I'm gonna keep contact with. Some people i haven't talked to in a little while but still wish to keep knowing. This change is going to be wonderful. Tabula rasa.

"Turning it over is a blessing."